What I Want
by Kaybee80
Summary: Puck is falling for his best friend's girl...Unfortunately for him, he's not the same guy who once stole Quinn from Finn... How does a reformed bad boy cope?
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: I decided to take a trip back in time to season 1 and find some Puckcedes moments to write about. I'm still working on my Samcedes story, but it kind of helps if I focus on something else while writing it. Starting another story is basically the only way I can finish chapters of the first one. **

**This one starts in the present, and it's all basically from Puck's point of view. I hope you guys like it.**

**Big thanks and a huge shout-out go to Jessimae888 for giving me some serious help shaping this story. If you're the type of reader who does searches for Puck and Mercedes fics, then you've read her amazing story, "When a Badass Loves a Diva." And if you've read it, then there's no way you don't love it as much as I do. Thank You sooooo Much!  
**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Glee or the characters of Glee.  
**

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**Chapter 1**

**Admitting the Problem is the First Step**

I, Noah Michael Puckerman...am an asshole. I've been an unapologetic, unremorseful, self-proclaimed asshole for basically all of my teenage life. I admit to it freely; and trust me, I own that shit. Hell; for awhile now, I've been proud of my ass-holery. The way I see it, when you're good at something you tell the world...so I brag about my swagger; and I use words like sex shark and badass to describe myself. But calling a spade a spade, it basically boils down to me being an asshole.

But today, I finally feel like shit for being an asshole. Today I realized I'm the kind of asshole who falls in love with his best friend's girl. And I also realized that I handed her to him on a silver platter by being- that's right- an asshole.

See, five months ago, I graduated from William McKinley High School in Lima Ohio. I spent the summer hanging out, working, and saving money…then I moved here to LA in September. My roommate is the girl I'm in love with, her name's Mercedes Jones-but I been calling her Lil Mama since tenth grade. She's one of my best friends' girlfriend, and we were all in Glee club together.

Now usually, being in the same after-school club together doesn't really result in enough friendship for two people to wanna be roommates after graduating. But Glee was different than the other clubs at school. Us New Directions got picked on, like, all the fucking time…asshole jocks threw slushies at us, everybody and McKinley treated us like shit every chance they got, and people ignored our asses whenever we sang at assembly or in the quad. If that wasn't enough bullshit, the whole motherfucking school basically spent as much time as they could getting all up in our damn business. Going through hell as a group like that is kinda like when frat brothers get hazed together or when military troops go through boot camp. Getting to the other side of that kinda shit as a team makes you a family or whatever. So we all got real close real quick.

Before we left Ohio, Mercedes got a job working as a session artist for a small record company out here, and I had already been planning to move to California and expand the pool cleaning service I've been running since I was 15. So we moved in together and share rent on a two bedroom condo. We don't really see each other much, since we both stay so busy. Pretty much the whole time we been out here, both of us have each been doing our own thing.

Most of the time Mercedes is singing background on tracks sung by lame-ass auto-tuned motherfuckers who don't sound like shit compared to her. The rest of the time she's auditioning for jobs singing with bands at parties and clubs, combing the trades for places having open mike nights, taking classes online, and using a combination of Skype, Yahoo!Messenger, an Oovoo to keep her relationship with Sam going. She's the busiest chick I've ever met.

I clean pools all day, and sometimes I take a non-speaking acting role in a low-budget movie being filmed around town somewhere. I used to bang this chick who was a waitress with dreams of being cast in a soap opera…She got me the gig. At night I basically go clubbing, pick up chicks, and pass out business cards to anybody that looks like they own a pool. For awhile, I was really into dating struggling actresses and models and anybody with a budding reality TV career, but lately that shit quit being fun.

I guess my problem all started last week on Halloween night, when me and Mercedes decided to hang out together and have some fun. See, her boyfriend, Sam joined some Rapture Club in Lima where they sat in a restaurant talking about a confusing-ass book with a long-ass name every Wednesday night. Mercedes told me she tried to act like the shit was interesting to her, but she couldn't even fake it after the first few weeks. So on Halloween night, he was busy with the club and wouldn't be done at least until after 11. I was getting over a cold, so I didn't even make any plans. I could have taken one of my chicks to a party where everybody wore lingerie and called it a costume, but I didn't feel like it. So Mercedes and me went out.

We went to this abandoned factory, where some out-of-work actors were staging a production of _Rocky Horror Picture Show_. Mercedes and me decided to dress up as Brad and Janet. I had to actually go out and buy some plain white boxers, since my taste in underwear usually run to leopard print speedos or none at all. Mama looked sexy; she wore a plain white slip, a small silver chain, and a pair of high heels. I wasn't around when the Glee club put on _Rocky Horror _at school, but I had heard plenty about her costume… I was curious, so I asked Jones why she didn't come out as Dr. Frankenfurter. She just told me her costume was too big now. So we paid our $20 cover, got our bag full of props and shit, and sat down in the audience.

That shit was hilarious; we threw hot dogs and sprayed water guns and tossed toast up in the air. It was the first time since I'd been out here that I had a good time without being fucked up or inside some skank. I wondered why it was so easy to have a good time with her when I usually had to try so hard with all the chicks I been dating. That's when I realized I had some feelings for her past friendship.

Puck in the past would have probably tried to pull some outta-sight/outta-mind shit on Mama, and snuck into her life on the sly. But I've done that shit before, and it ain't worth it.

First of all, Mama had a little bit of drama with Sam and another ex-boyfriend last year and it fucked her up in the head. Mercedes ain't the type to cheat, but she sorta messed around on ol' dude by kissing Sam. When the shit hit the fan and she admitted to getting some action on the side, Mama felt so guilty she made Sam wait like 6 weeks before she would date him at all. It really made Mercedes miserable to find out she was capable of that kind of thing, and I don't wanna put her through that shit again.

Second, Karma's a crazy big-titted bitch and I'm pretty sure I used up all my best-friend's-girlfriend free passes back in high school. I'm not going anywhere near a girl who belongs to one of my boys anytime soon, cause I ain't trying to have a fucked up adulthood…believe me, my childhood was bad enough.

Plus, if I ain't said it already, Sam's my boy. All the Glee dudes are bros, and we keep it live like 100% of the time together, but me and him got more shit in common than we have with the rest of 'em.

Like, for instance, Artie and Mike…those two are the kid genius types, and their whole lives they've been all about skipping grades and joining academic teams and shit. I don't hate on 'em for getting off on studying...I mean, I don't understand it, but I'm not making fun of them for the shit either. But, see, me and Sam both struggled just to pass tests and get promoted. We each failed a grade back in elementary; him cause he was dyslexic and the teachers were too stupid to diagnose him, and me cause I wasn't the best reader in the world. So we're both older than the rest of our classmates. That's some serious shit to bond over.

Then, there were times when we both used to resent the hell out of Finn. Sam always felt like Finn took his quarterback position unfairly, and I used to hate how Finn got more attention than me at school. We both got Finn's back now or whatever, and we're both pretty much over it but it was kinda cool to talk about that stuff with somebody who really got it.

You know, I probably wouldn't have even graduated if Sam hadn't made the rest of the Glee boys stick with me when I needed help…when they were all getting so crazy about the fucking drama with the Glee girls and Whitney Houston and NYADA auditions and shit, Sam basically made it his business to rally the troops just for me.

And seriously; don't even get me started talking about how, when everybody else is rambling on about show tunes vs. popular music and solos and who the hell gets to lead what fucking song…me and Sam just sit in the back of the choir room and make TalkingTom videos to email to each other.

My point is, I can't do that shit to him… Sam loves his girl, plus, if I'd been more like him three years ago-instead of such a huge asshole- she might still be MY girl.

So now I'm trying to figure out how I'm supposed to hang out with the girl I want, without being a completely shitty friend. Next week, all of us Glee grads are gonna show up at McKinley to help out the new crop since they're putting on a musical this month. I need to spend a little extra time in that piece, anyway, since my asshole-in-training little brother needs checking up on. I'm not really feeling going there and watching Sam and Mercedes be all hugged up together, but I ain't really got a choice about it.

It just really sucks that, right when I start trying to be a better person, I get tested like this. Whatever the fuck I do, I'm gonna end up either unhappy or an even bigger asshole! So I got no clue how to handle this shit. This might just be the kind of situation where I need to just wait it out and hope something happens to make Mercedes fall in love with me. Or maybe I'm overlooking something that could help me get inside her head. If I'm gonna be spending time trying to figure out how to undo a whole lifetime of doing shitty stuff, I guess I should start from the beginning…

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**A/N: Any comments? Questions? Criticisms of any kind? I could use it, I'm just saying! **

**I'm going to use the next chapter to talk about how the asshole-ery got started, and some of the reasons behind it. I've been kicking this stuff around in my head for awhile, so I hope you guys enjoy it!**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: As promised, I wanted to write a chapter dedicated to how I believe the bullying got so serious at McKinley. Back in Season 1, Will Shuester let the kids slushie him since he claims he never took one to the face. It was pretty obvious to me (and my head-canon) that the degree of bullying at McKinley was a relatively new development. So I figure Azimio and Karofsky were the ones who dreamed up the "Titan World Order."**

**I went to high school in a small place overrun by cliques, but even as a big-boned smart girl (nerd) with a teacher mom and a preacher daddy I never got picked on like the kids at McKinley. Looking back, I realize I could have been a total bully magnet, but the only thing I got picked on for was talking like a White girl (cuz Moms was for real about grammar). So here's why I think the shit is so crucial at McKinley.**

**Thank you for you're help, Jessimae888...I appreciate the confidence boost!  
**

**So I hope you guys like my version of events, and enjoy the chapter.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Glee or its characters.  
**

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**Chapter 2**

**Laying the Foundation**

I guess my story really gets its start back before I was even a teenager.

Do you remember how; back in elementary school, at recess all the girls would play on the swings and shit while the boys played football and soccer? Do you remember how everybody was basically friends back then, and how the only divide on the playground, for real, was the one between the girls and the boys?

Well, I remember it, and sometimes I miss that shit. Life was so simple back then, you know…not giving a fuck about reputations and popularity. It was a pretty easy way to live. But then you go to junior high and you start to notice people joining clubs and forming cliques based on hobbies and shit. And it sucked, because some of your best friends from childhood got older, and didn't like to do the same kinda after-school stuff as you. So you just didn't hang out anymore.

And I may not have liked the shit, but I was guilty as hell too. My clique was Finn Hudson, Dave Karofsky and me. We knew each other cause me and Finn didn't have dads and Karofsky didn't have a mom...so our parents had this system of helping each other out with childcare and stuff. Moms had a similar arrangement going on with my little sister, Michelle and some of the parents at her elementary school, too.

Me, Finn, and Karofsky were always together; saw each other every day after school and on Saturday, too. And Finn was definitely my best friend; we basically lived at each others houses…even when we **didn't **need any babysitting. The three of us always loved sports, and played a bunch of 'em together on the playground and in each others' backyards. So the summer before seventh grade we all decided to try out for the junior high school football team together.

We had a great time for those three weeks that summer; making the team, working out, running plays...we thought were just having fun like we'd been doing since preschool. But when we got to school that fall we were the most popular kids in that bitch. I mean, Lima Middle School's football team sucked balls…but it didn't matter though, as long as our pictures were in the yearbook wearing the jerseys.

None of us were really that into girls for real yet, but we all dug on the attention. We got notes in our lockers from cheerleaders asking us to dances and stuff, and one of us was the winner every time there was a Homecoming king or Winter Formal court. It was lame, but shit like that meant a lot to a bunch of middle-schoolers. When basketball season started, all three of us tried out for that too, and made it. Same shit happened; girls, popularity, kings of the school.

We all liked the attention or whatever, but never really thought about doing anything to keep our popularity; we just kind of accepted it. Eighth grade pretty much went the same way, but the summer before ninth grade, a lot of stuff changed.

That was the summer Finn had his freak-ass growth spurt and grew like 5 inches in two months. When we went to football camp (all three of us made JV, and completely skipped being on the 9th grade team) the coaches were impressed by how well Hudson handled the pigskin. They ain't even have a clue that Finnocence used to throw like a girl before that year. His new wingspan was massive, so he made all these crazy passes that were a thing of fucking beauty. The coaches made him the first ninth grade JV quarterback in 20 years, and he was an instant legend at McKinley when we started high school.

That was also the summer I started building my rep as a stud. Moms had begged me to take odd jobs around the neighborhood and pay for my own sports equipment and stuff that year; she even gave me a list of folks in the area who wanted some help around their houses. Mostly it was just cleaning garages, painting fences, minor landscaping and shit. But there was this chick who lived a few streets down who wanted know if I could clean a pool. I knew how to, since I've been doing my Nana's since I was 11. When I went over there, old girl was waiting on me in a bikini…and holding a 12 pack of Heineken.

She sat there watching me finish up her pool, and waited for me to rip off my sweaty shirt. Then she offered me a "cool drink" to refresh myself. You can probably guess what happened next, so I won't go into details. Just suffice it to say that I spent the rest of the summer learning shit a 14 year old had no business learning from a 40 year old mom.

I never told anybody, but it was pretty obvious I wasn't part of the blue-balls crew when school started. Chicks can tell when a dude ain't hurting for pussy. When ninth grade started, I had girls throwing it at me left and right...partly because I was on the team too, but partly cause they all wanted to see if the stuff they'd been hearing was true.

As for Karofsky, he met this new kid that summer, named Azimio Adams. Adams had just transferred to McKinley from Detroit; he was a linebacker on the team with us. Those two were like peas in a pod; they liked the same video games and the same nasty shit on their pizzas, they both watched RAW like it was their religion and neither one of them liked to study too much. Dave was shitting rainbows, cause he finally had a best friend like me and Finn had each other. By the time school started Karofsky probably would have robbed a bank if Adams asked him to and Adams seriously got off on having a fan club…dude loved to hear himself talk nonsense.

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**Assholes Are Made, Not Born**

Thing about Adams is, he used to have this crush on a girl in the drama club named Kat back in ninth grade. She volunteered to do the announcements on the PA every morning just so she could recite her original poetry for an audience. The girl was cute, Adams had real good taste; but he didn't realize that not every girl in school was into jocks. When he did his lame-ass "you know you want up on this" swagger shit, Kat turned his ass down flat. She told him she wouldn't date a stupid football player for all the money in the world, and called him a bitch ass fool in front of everybody in the hall.

That really pissed Adams off, so he decided to make her damn life miserable. He spent the whole first semester of freshman year telling the dudes on the football team how we had to "restore world order" by making sure losers knew their place. Karofsky was so glad to have a best friend he started talking that shit too. Those two told every jock they could find that it was our "duty" to crush all the people who were beneath us, so they could get used to being fuck-boys and do-bitches their whole lives while we got rich, famous and happy.

They talked about how the losers would think they were on our level, unless we tossed them in dumpsters and trashed their lockers every day. Adams and Karofsky kept saying that as kings of the school, we had a right to be treated with respect. If losers wanted to go to McKinley, they had to accept that we were the ones ruling it.

Finn and me might not have taken a side in the shit, but then they came up with the idea of tossing slushies on the nerds, freaks, and geeks. Az and Karofsky wanted the losers to know exactly who they were, so they figured an icy cold beverage to the face would get the message across. You ain't even gonna need three guesses to figure out who the first person Az ever slushied was. Dude baptized Kat, made her cry, then walked away to spread some misery to other motherfuckers.

When me and Finn heard about that shit we knew we were gonna have to pick a side and stick to it. Nobody in his right mind would really want to be the one being bullied, so we jumped on the asshole train with our boys. October of ninth grade year, me and Finn tossed some AV nerds into the trash…and never looked back.

We were all a bunch of bullying ass wipes, but everybody had his own specialty.

Azimio's whole deal was maintaining the "social hierarchy" and makin' sure everybody knew their "status level." That motherfucker took the time to group all the kids at McKinley according to what clubs or activities they were into, then picked on the ones who were lowest on the totem pole. He made up all these damn rules about "pecking order" that didn't make any fucking sense to anybody but him, and then he used the damn rules to decide which losers deserved more bullying than the other ones.

Like, the marching band kids were a bunch of geeks, so they all got slushies once or twice a month. But the majorettes and dance line girls were exempt because most of them had footballer boyfriends. Then Az decided that the same ones we were slushing once a month deserved to get swirlies on the daily because marching season was over. Fucking Adams declared symphonic band to be "much lamer," I think it had something to do with the tuxedo shirts they wore whenever they performed or something. I never really understood that shit. Basically, his thing was making sure everybody understood that jocks were on top, and everybody else sucked, but that there were different levels of suckage.

Karofsky, on the other hand, got a real bug up his ass about pansy-type dudes and tomboys. Any guy at school who wasn't into sports or hung around mostly girls? They were automatically on his shit list. Any chick who played a sport other than volleyball or softball? Karofsky made sure to give her a dyke-y new nickname like "Strap On" or "Mullet." He kept saying how they shouldn't go around choosing to be gay if they didn't wanna be picked on, then he'd shoulder check the guys into lockers and slam the chicks' books outta their hands in the halls. He'd write slurs on motherfuckers' lockers and draw rainbows all over their shit…Karofsky was turning into a future hate crime offender, for real; dude had a serious hard-on for gay kids.

Finn was actually the least douchey of all of us. He basically only helped enforce the bullying that the rest of us were doing. Like if Karofsky wanted to dumpster toss a fairy, he'd enlist Finn's Sasquatch-looking ass to do the most of the lifting. Or if Adams wanted to double-slushie a chess team member Finn would have his back. He helped me to water bomb nerds and flush a few losers in the john, but again, all that shit was my idea.

I spent my time developing a brand of bullying that offered me the most scope for my delinquent ways. I figured out a long time ago that if people are scared of you, then you can get away with doing a lot of shitty stuff. My dad used to fuck around on my mom and take all her money, cause he knew she was worried about him beating the shit out of her or leaving without a forwarding address (like he eventually did, anyway). So I started intimidating scared kids so I could use 'em when I needed a lookout or an alibi or something. I mean, if I felt like stealing out of a teacher's purse or fucking a Cheerio in the janitor's closet, I knew I was gonna do the shit anyway... Might as well get a geek to cover me and keep my ass from being expelled. That shit works even better if you beat up the geek's best friend the day before; that way you know the motherfucker won't say no.

Plus, it seemed like the more bad shit I did, the more pussy I got thrown at me. Every time the rumor mill started up with stories about me getting high in my truck before school or T-rollin' a teacher's house for failing me on a test, I got at least three or four chicks calling me up for a fuck. And everybody knew my sex game was tight, since I fucked some of the MILFs in town while their kids were home listening to the screams and moans. So anytime a girl at school got curious about either my bad-boy ways or my fucking skills and tried me out, I basically got even more of a reason to stay an asshole. It was a vicious cycle.

So Finn, Karofsky, Azimio and me were all pretty much set in our ways by the end of ninth grade. Finn had parlayed his QB status into a relationship with Quinn, who was the head JV Cheerio freshman year and founder of the Celibacy Club. Karofsky and Azimio stayed busy making sure everybody knew which kids at McKinley were cool and which ones were fools. I was a notorious pussy hound. We thought we were set for the rest of high school. Then shit started happening to change us all; for me it was that summer when I fucked my best friend's girl.

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Let me just say right now, that all that Celibacy Club shit never fooled me for a second. I knew from jump street that Quinn wasn't holding on to her virginity because she loved God or because she wanted to share it with whatever asshole she married. Yeah, she was a daddy's girl; and yeah, she was all about making her parents proud. But Que, despite not ever fucking before, was a whore…she was just waiting around till she found something good enough to trade her cherry for.

Oh, the bitch was smart; I'll give her that…She knew Finn was popular, easy to lead around, and a good guy on top of it. He wouldn't ever be the type to pressure a chick for a fuck. But don't get it twisted-if he **had** been the kind of asshole who would dump a girl for not putting out, she'd have thrown the pussy at him with the quickness; just to stay McKinley's top bitch.

The day I laid her wasn't even the fist time she came over to my house to make out. See, Quinn had this dumb-ass theory that she could get all her horniness out of her system by fooling around with me. That way she could keep lying to Finn about being a good girl, and still get a little friction. She knew I wouldn't tell anybody, cause I'd look like a major-league dick…plus, she realized I loved Finn like a bro despite my asshole ways.

If Sue hadn't accused Quinn at cheer camp of gaining ten pounds, she never would have let me hit it. I had been trying to talk her out of her panties for weeks on the sly, and it was actually pretty fun having to work so hard at it. Most girls just spread eagle and open sesame when I came at 'em. So I wasn't really expecting her to say yeah. But that day Quinn was worried that Sue wouldn't let her cheer on the Varsity squad Sophomore year for being too big, and I was able to use that shit, along with wine coolers to pluck her cherry. We never hooked up again; after that she decided to be faithful to Finn and let him finally get to second base, and I started dating Santana Lopez.

I guess I can admit now, since its been awhile, that my reason for making Satan my first legit girlfriend is the same reason I had for sleeping with Quinn. I mean, yeah…I thought it would be kinda funny to fuck the captain of the Celibacy Club, and yeah…I pretty much never turn pussy down, just on GP. But for real; the main reason I did the shit was to compete with Finn.

I just didn't get it…I mean, I'm a hot Jew with guns of steel, and I get more nookie than any other 3 dudes at school. Even as a freshman, I had senior dudes with cars and facial hair asking me to hook 'em up with my leftovers. I'm a fucking stud. So why in the hell was Finn the most popular dude in our class, and damn near the whole school?

Not to be a douche bag or anything, but he was a tubby virgin who wasn't even scoring a hand job from his prissy-ass girlfriend. Just because his chick was Sue's favorite Cheerio and he was better at passing the pigskin than running plays and mowing down our opposition, he gets to be the BMOC? That shit was fucked up to me, so I leveled the playing field by boning his girl and getting my own damn Cheerio. I suppose I was jealous.

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**Change is Gonna Come**

So we started Sophomore year on top…Us four dudes all made Varsity, Quinn and Santana made Varsity Cheerios, and our clique was all set to rule over McKinley. Then Finn joined Homo Explosion, and let me tell you now, I was over being jealous of his ass.

My boy, my ace, _my bro_… was singing, dancing, performing, and then lying his ass off about it. I knew if he was really into being a show choir freak, he would have at least told me he was gonna do it, instead of giving me that bullshit about his mom having prostate surgery. So reading between the lines I figured he didn't wanna be there for real. That's why I organized the paint ball showdown, and let Az and Dave slushie him.

By that time I knew Finn was letting Quinn convince him he was the father of the baby she was brewing. I was kinda frustrated by his dumb-ass ways, so I can admit to being a little harder on him than I should have been. I guess I went too far when we tried to lock Wheels in the porta-John, and turn it over, though. It was obvious by then that Finn was really enjoying the show tunes and costumes…so at that point he had decided to be loyal to Glee.

A couple of weeks later Santana dumped me in the hallway, and it really fucked with my self-esteem. Why do high school girls have to act like bitches just to show how much power they have over us? If my credit was bad or whatever, she could have just dumped me with a text message or over the phone. Fucking me over in the halls to humiliate me was a shitty thing to do, and completely unnecessary.

So I decided to focus on old chicks exclusively. I heard around the way that my football coach was looking for singers to perform at a PTA meeting so I went and told him to count me in. It was actually real fun; the music was cool and the dance moves were kinda sexy. Finn's Glee teacher was pretty chill, too…really involved in his students' lives or whatever. I could tell the "father figure" bullshit was half the reason Finn was so into being in the club.

So I sung with Finn and all the teachers at the PTA gig, and the crowd loved it. It was fun as hell performing, plus I got three divorcees to agree to a foursome that night. I have to say, it was the first time I understood why Finn was so into being in the New Directions.

By the time Mr. Shue and Hummel helped the football team win a game, I was through fucking with Finn for being in Glee. I mean, yeah…it was pretty gay of us to break out in a girly-ass dance in the fourth quarter, but results don't lie. All the spectators were into the shit, we put on a hell of a performance…_and _kicked the other team's ass! In the locker room after the big show, I overheard Mike Chang and Matt Rutherford each telling the other one that they'd join if they had each other's back. I interrupted 'em to say I was in, too. So we all went to join Gay Club, I mean Glee Club together.

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**A/N: Thank you so much for showing interest in my story. I hope you guys continue to enjoy what I've written.**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: This chapter is all about Puck after he joined Glee Sophomore year. It includes the time period where he and Mercedes dated. **

**I never really understood why people always assume that Puck and Mercedes never did any making out or legitimate hanging together as a fake couple. I mean, what motivation would a smart woman have for allowing a guy to use her for popularity…without some quid pro fucking quo? Putting myself in Mercedes' place, I would definitely have taken my recompense in the form of friction from the 'Zilla. It's only fair after all.**

**Anyway, I hope you guys like it…**

**Also, a huge thank you goes out to ladysnowsu, PerfectLover, and Goalihta-Leigh...you guys were my first reviewers on this fic. This chapter is dedicated to you guys.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Glee, or it's characters.**

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**Chapter 3**

**A New Crop of Lovelies**

The day I walked into Glee for the first time, I was actually pretty excited by how hot all the chicks in the club were. And I ain't talking about the chicks everybody's already banged…Santana and Brittany. Quinn either; those three are so used to motherfuckers chasing them it ain't funny... I can hardly stand to be in the same room with their asses. I'm talking about Berry, that Chang girl, and Mercedes.

Berry was this tiny little Hebrew spitfire with a pre-op Jew nose. Her attitude was pretty shitty but she had a great voice and a real cute face. Some of the crap that came out of her mouth (and a lot of the shit she did, too) were pretty fucked up, but the girl had balls; and I respected the hell out of her for it. The Asian one with the Jewish middle name was hot too, in a Gothic fairy kinda way. She really rocked her black clothes, the weird highlights, and vampire makeup. Plus, Asian chick had the same pair of Doc Martens as me, too…which meant she was automatically a badass in my eyes. And it really tripped me out whenever she used to go off on people; ole' girl got a seriously short fuse.

But the one I really liked was Lil Mama. I know I gave Quinn a bunch of mess about not diggin on fat chicks way back when she kept Super-Sizing shit, but that was just mostly cause I like pushing her buttons. If you want to see Quinn turn red and start huffing and puffing, just tell her she's put on a few; that shit is hilarious. I really didn't mean it…I honestly like all kinds of chicks. Mercedes back then was well into the fluffy stage, but on her it was fine as hell.

She was this short little thing, with these tiny ass hands and feet; I immediately thought she was adorable as fuck. Back then she wore her hair all curly, and that's always been my thing...Maybe it's because the only Jewish girls at my Temple who don't straighten theirs are also the only ones with any balls. Or maybe I just dig a chick that can be different and own that shit. Jones got a pretty face, too; it's all big pretty eyes, long sexy eyelashes, those kissy-ass lips, and cute puffy cheeks.

And I gotta say, baby know she got a hot ass body…Jones might be bigger than most of the other girls at school, but she's for damn sure still made up right. I still remember this outfit she wore when that old-ass April Rhodes was in our class (I love my MILFS, but even I gotta admit its pretty creepy for one to show up at school) helping us get to Invitationals. 'Cedes wore this white shirt, a tight vest, and a clingy skirt that showed her big ol booty off. I'm ain't playin when I say Mercedes Jones is completely hot.

Lil Mama is cool, and we got along pretty good from the first day I joined Glee. I know Jones likes to act like she's mad all the time, and she'll cuss you out in a minute; but me and Rutherford never did fall for that shit, we knew it was a fucking act. Compared to some of the Cheerios and the rest of the Glee girls, she's a goddamn softie.

Shue was always putting me and her together for dance numbers, so I actually got closer to her than any other Glee dude. She and I would practice moves together at rehearsal, and sometimes if the routine was really complicated, we'd skip lunch and work on 'em. So whenever we had a routine where the guys lifted the girls or picked 'em up and swung 'em in a circle; I always made sure to partner up with her, cause she felt really good in my arms. She was this sweet smelling, cuddly, ball of energy and she jiggled her tits whenever I accidentally tickled her…and I dug on that shit.

Mercedes and I never really had much contact outside of dance numbers; we didn't hang out after school or nothing, but had some moments that let me know we were cool. Like, when 'Cedes and the girls sang "Halo/Walking on Sunshine" and she caught me leering at her in that yellow halter dress. She didn't act like she was all offended or go off about me disrespecting her womanhood or any of that bullshit. Jones just flipped the shit back on me, talking about how hot I looked in my leather jacket and chucks when we guys did "Confessions/It's My Life." She's just cool like that, and real hard to offend.

Or that time Sue came to the choir room and took all the ethnic kids to be in her off-shoot Glee club. I guess Lean-and-Mean didn't realize I was actually a Hebrew bro, but Mama did. She kind of hung around the doorway after the rest of 'em had taken off down the hall, like she was still waiting for Sylvester to call my name. That put a smile on my face too.

Right after that everybody in school found out Quinn was pregnant, so I kinda quit paying attention to our budding friendship. I still always got a laugh whenever she went off in Glee though.

That was around the time I tried to convince myself that I was in love with Que…believe me, I really did try. I promised to help her, I gave her money, offered to be with her so I could be the dad I never had. And what was my reward, what the hell did Quinn tell me? That I was a Lima Loser and to get the fuck outtta her face. So I decided to fuck with her head and start dating Rachel. Watching how pissed off Que got whenever Finn hung out with Berry was seriously funny, so I figured I could get her goat by hittin' on her too. Quinn couldn't stand it whenever she couldn't control Finn or tell him who not to spend time with.

After I hooked up with Jew-Girl, Quinn flipped the fuck out. Started flirting with me and asking me to baby-sit with her. At the time, nobody except Mercedes even knew she was secretly having my baby, so it never occurred to me Quinn was looking for us to play happy families together.

A smarter man would have realized Quinn only asked me to baby-sit so she could watch me and see what kind of daddy I would be, but I honestly just figured she wanted to bone again. I mean, who the hell stops fucking after just one time? Plus, I got her off so good she had tears streaming down her face before she finally put her clothes on and went the hell home. So I did what I always do when I got a girl interested in getting naked…I ignored her ass all night. I spent the whole time we were at Shuester's in-laws texting Satan, then waited for Que to put the kids to sleep so we could fuck on the sofa. I only realized she was testing me when she kissed me good night on the cheek and thanked me for being so great with the kids.

By the time we Glee kids were in that mattress commercial, Quinn was happy with lying to Finn about it being his baby, and Rachel was on some fucked-up 'gotta get him back' shit. I pretty much stayed out of the drama, and focused on how cool it was flopping around in the commercial on the same bed with Jones. I even got to grope her once or twice when we both fell over into the middle of the mattress.

But that whole week of Sectionals was fucked up. I found out the hard way that Jones had told the whole club about my baby mama. Some fucking body let Rachel figure the shit out, and Berry told Finn. I may have deserved the ass kicking he gave me, but I always thought Finn was wrong for up and quitting Glee like that. We almost didn't get to compete because of the shit storm and drama. We did though, and after we won, Quinn came to live with me and my family.

* * *

**Best 9 Days of My Life**

When I got the idea to use a Cheerio to get my mojo back after my Mohawk got shaved, I knew I could have gotten Quinn to play boyfriend/girlfriend with me. Or one of the damn JV Cheerios; they're always looking for a reputation boost. But Jones was my first choice from the get-go.

And when I made my play in the hall that she shut down with the quickness? That's when I knew I'd made the right choice. I mean, she had a point…musical chemistry is important, right? Especially to somebody who knew she wanted to sing for the rest of her life…plus I never did like a chick who didn't give me a little bit of a hard time. I figured since all the other Glee dudes were always getting girls by singing to 'em, I could do the same thing.

After 'Cedes joined me singing the Sammy Davis Jr. song I knew I was in; but Mama made sure I never stopped working to keep her on my arm. That day after Glee, she invited me over to her house so we could talk "terms" and shit.

After we got to her house, Mercedes and I went into her kitchen, where she made me a turkey sandwich and gave me a bottle of water. Then she started negotiations.

"Puck, I'm gonna just start by admitting that I've been watching you all year long," Jones started.

_The Hell?_

"What do you mean, 'watching me'?" I asked.

_Cause if she's on some Swimfan shit, I don't care how cute her ass is. I'm gonna have to give Miss Jones a pass._

"I mean, you're a hottie; and I've had a crush on you since October when you joined Glee."

_Okay, that's pretty fucking cool._

"For real?"

"Operative word here? Had! I HAD a crush on you...I'm over it now..."

_Over the Badass?_

"...And my former crush was in no way 'Zilla' or 'Saurus' influenced. I liked you because I figured your coming to Glee meant you were over being a bullying asswipe."

_Harsh!_

"And now?"

"And now, I know you're the kind of uber-asswipe who would knock up his best frend's girl. I know Quinn was guilty too, but your friendship with Finn was your relationship to keep...and you blew it; that's why I was so hard on you when you told me the truth."

_Shit, did she invite me here just to turn me down again?_

"I mean, in a way its almost a shame that you're new haircut is even sexier than the Mohawk, since knowing your true colors means I can't actually use this agreement to fulfill some of my fantasies about kissing you in the halls like you used to do with Santana...

_That's even harsher._

"...because I can't even fool myself into considering you boyfriend material. But it is what it is... It doesn't even matter now, because you want my help and I want to give it to you."

_O-Kay..._

"Why?"

"A few reasons; first of all... did you know that Santana took Finn's V-Card during Madonna week?"

"Sure, they got busy in a motel room."

_Everybody knew that shit...'cept Rachel._

"Before it happened, Rachel got all of us Glee girls together to ask our advice about whether she should sleep with Jesse or not."

"I bet you anything she didn't do it," I challenged her.

_Who the hell needs sex when you can just get off on being a drama queen?_

"You're right, but when everybody was going on and on about all of the disrespect they were getting from the Glee boys, I didn't have very much to add to the conversation."

"Why not?"

"Because I ever had a boyfriend. I guess guys who I'm close to always put me in the friend zone. And the boys who ask me out never tried me..."

_Bunch of fucking dumb-asses._

"...It's embarrassing to admit this, but I've never even had a guy try to get under my shirt."

_Make that a bunch of fucking pussy-fied dumbasses._

"So I want you to show me the ropes; I mean, love the idea of canoodling with a boyfriend. I know this is just an arrangement to you, but at least this way I know better than to get attached..."

_Lil Mama must not realize she had my ass at "canoodling."_

"...So I can finally have a little bit of smoochy time with a guy I'm really attracted to...without the whole 'is he gonna dump me for not putting out' drama. If you can see yourself getting with me like that, I'll accept your fake-date proposal."

_Is she kidding?_

"So you want me to make out with you and grope you in the halls at school?"

"No way, Puck! I'm talking about private kisses, man...I want the experience; not to become infamous because everybody thinks I'm boning a Titan!"

_What a rocking-ass chick!  
_

"I can do that...what else?"

"Well, I don't want you playing around on me once you get your juice back. When your Mohawk starts growing, the other popular girls are gonna swarm. So when you decide you want to hop back on the Cheeri-hoes, give me the heads up beforehand?"

"Not a problem, Mama...that all?"

"And we have to spend legitimate time together if we want to make it believable. So you can come see me after school or I can go to your house as often as we can while we're together."

"Shit, that sounds like fun...Mercedes?"

"Yeah, Puck?"

"You need to go on ahead and pucker up..."

I was her "boyfriend" for a total of 9 days, and I gotta say, it was the best relationship I ever had. We got along real good. She kicked ass at violent video games, loved watching action movies with me all day, and could cook her fucking ass off. 'Cedes helped me baby-sit my little sister and basically did all my English homework for me. The best part was that she even listened when I complained about Quinn.

Let me just say, if I had known Que was gonna be moving in with me and my family, I never would have fucked her. Real talk, she was the complaining-est, bitching-est, rudest person I ever in my whole life had to hang around. Yeah, pregnancy hormones might have played a part in the shit, but damn…even I had better manners than Quinn did back then. She didn't like the fact that Moms only buys turkey bacon, she couldn't stand sharing a bathroom with me, she hated being responsible for Michelle on the days I wasn't around, even complained about having to ride to school with me in my truck…bitch never quit running her mouth.

The biggest problem we had was sleeping in the same bed. Moms was all about "creative parenting" and wouldn't let Quinn sleep in the room with Michelle or move into the guest room. Mama Puckerman told us that since we laid up in the bed together long enough to act grown and make a baby, we could act like a grown couple and share a bed, too. Que may look prissy, but sleeping with her was like sleeping with two or three Titans…She used to kick, drool, steal covers, and fart her ass off. And I know her ass is Catholic, but was it absolutely necessary for her to sleep like Jesus on the Cross? Nobody else even noticed how much sleep I was losing or how tired I was, 'cept for 'Cedes.

After I unloaded all this shit on her, Jones promised to try and research for some ways of convincing my mom to let her move her ass into another bed. Kept saying there must be an article online somewhere about pregnant moms getting more rest if they slept alone. Mama figured if my mom wanted a healthy grandbaby, then she'd listen to her.

Not only that, but Jones used to tell me how sexy it was that I helped my mom out so much. She always said any girl would be lucky to be my baby mama cause I was already such a good daddy figure to Michelle. That shit really helped me feel better when I got down on myself. Just her listening to me got me past some pretty rough shit, and the making out didn't suck either.

If Mama hadn't told me she'd never been kissed, I never woulda guessed it. Ol' girl had the best fucking lips I ever laid one on. Mama had this trick of nibbling on my lower lip and slipping me the tongue while stroking my shaved head, then she'd let out these tiny little moans that made me lose my damn mind. Sometimes, she'd move her plump ass mouth across my neck and suck so lightly I barely felt it, leaving these little love bites that only I ever knew were even there. That shit was hot as fuck. Her mouth was the sweetest tasting thing I'd ever kissed and we made out so much some days I was too tired to talk when I got home. Add that to the fact that she wasn't opposed to a little light gropeage, and I swear I hoped our PR relationship would last all the way through high school.

I'm not gonna lie and say Jones and I ever really went too far. I never saw any of that soft skin without clothes on, I didn't meet the twins face to face, and I never went anywhere near below the belt. But the day before we broke up I managed to get her sorta halfway under me on her daddy's recliner while we made out. Laying on top of Mama was a trip…she's about a foot shorter than me, so when I felt her wrap one of her legs around me, the tips of her toes grazed the back of my knees. It would have been funny if it hadn't been so sexy.

I could tell Jones wasn't a prude at all…Mama never struck me as the type who would fuck a guy for status or to gain a rep, but she wasn't all prissy about waiting for marriage either. Far as I could guess, she would probably wait til she fell in love before having sex, then break some headboards getting it in without any shame. I actually respected the hell out of her for having such a good attitude.

I was pretty much hovering above her at a safe distance while kissing her pretty lips to keep myself from dry humping her. My dick was ready to burst through my jeans, and if I'd have grinded into her ain't no way she could ignore it. I knew if I went too far, she would pump the brakes, and I wanted that soft body under me for as long as I could have it. Then she slipped a hand under my tee shirt and fiddled with my nipple ring while sucking on my neck, and I couldn't help myself... I just said fuck it, might as well get a little friction before she made me get off her. So I got fully relaxed and let my hips go flush against hers.

I got to say, Jones really knows how to roll with the punches. She gave a sexy little giggle, then moaned when she felt how hard I was. I'm blessed enough to know she was probably impressed, and it kind of turned me on even more when I realized she wasn't gonna get scared and inch away from me. Then I quit thinking so damn hard and let my hands roam down to feel on that ass.

Damn, I love a big butt…and Mama's is perfect; I bet I could rest a beer on the shelf that apple booty makes when she stands up. It was all soft and shit in my hands. She didn't seem to mind my hands on her backside, so I moved 'em frontside so I could squeeze her tits through the shirt. I heard her let out this sexy little kitten noise, and I felt her lips smile under mine. I was about to slip my hand inside her shirt when her alarm rang on her phone to let us know her mom was on the way home.

We stood up, straightened our clothes, and I let her walk me out. After I kissed her goodbye and walked to my truck, I made up my mind to ask her to be my girl for real the next day.

**Text Messages:**

**MercyMine** to **Puckzilla: **I had fun 2day!

**Puckzilla** to **MercyMine: **me2

**MercyMine** to **Puckzilla: **want me2 ride wit u n Que 2morrow?

**Puckzilla** to **MercyMine: **Hells yea, Q less evil wen u ridin!

**MercyMine** to **Puckzilla:** OK, CU 2morrow *

**Puckzilla** to **MercyMine: **U2 *

* * *

**A/N: I had to end the fic here, because I wanted add a little more fluff before the big breakup...until I update, thanks for all of the reviews, favs and follows.**

**Love you all!**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Okay, so I was gonna jump right into the breakup scene and finish chapter 4 with a description of the remainder of Season 1...but my reviewers are so excited to see a PuckCedes story, and they totally deserve a little more fluff. So I'm gonna use this chapter to describe a series of dreams Puck has when he got home from Mercedes' house the day before they broke up.**

**In my head, part of the reason he was such a little bitch-ass that day was the fact that he didnt get much sleep. Sexy visions of his Lil Mama kept him up...in more ways than one!**

**Thanks to PerfectLover, CENAORTONFAN69, Goalihta-Leigh, ladysnowsu, cmpunkfangurl, Jessimae888 and CC for reviewing the last chapter...I'm so happy you guys are enjoying my version of Puck... He may be my favorite point of view to write in, to be honest...I just let my inner mean girl out and there he is!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Glee or its characters.**

* * *

So that night, I sent my last text message off to Mercedes, took a cold shower...then got into bed beside my Baby Mama. I was so happy, I didn't even cuss Quinn out for scratching me with her long-ass toenails. I just turned my back to her, thought about the next day, and fell asleep smiling about my soon-to-be real girlfriend.

It's not too surprising, when you consider how hot the shit was getting between me and Mercedes when we stopped dry-humping; that my mind and body were still on Lil Mama when I fell asleep. So I knew I was due a hot-ass wet dream starring Miss Jones sometime that night. When my dream started, Dream-me was right back on top of Lil Mama; just about to go under her shirt. But this time the fucking phone alarm didn't go off and cock-block...

**~Dream Begins~**

_...Hot tickle-me-more giggles..._

_...Breathy whispered moans..._

_...Sexy kitten noises..._

_"Hey, Beautiful?" Dream Me whispered in Dream Mama's ear. "Is my hot girlfriend gonna slap me if I put my hands on the twins?"_

_I was kinda on the outside looking in on the Dream couple...almost like I was watching home-made porn starring the "Zilla." Right then Dream Me started grinding into Dream Mama, and slipped his hands under the hem of the shirt she was wearing. Then he slid his hands over her stomach slowly, hoping to tickle her a little so she could do that jiggly boob-shake giggle thing again._

___"Uhnm..."Dream Mercedes moaned. "No, but I may **bite** you if you don't, boyfriend," she answered, right before licking a spot she'd found on Dream Puck's neck. _

_"Shit, that feels good, Mama...my baby's a goddamn natural at turning me on," he answered her, still running hands over all that fleshy softness._

_"Don't stop now, Pucky-Mama likes..." Dream 'Cedes sighed against Dream Puck's neck. _

_Then Dream Me cupped her pretty-ass tatas in his palms. By then, Dream Mercedes had let her sexy neck-licking turn into soft sucks. Then Dream Puck started pinchin' on her nipples...Dream Mama responded by exhaling in little whimpers and leaving tiny little bites on his neck._

_"That's it Mama; you can bite me harder...Fuck, t__hat's my goddamn spot." Dream Puck moaned._

_"Why don't you take your own advice baby...your hands feel great, but I bet your lips feel even better." Dream Mercedes answered him, right before sinking her teeth into his neck like he asked her to. Then Dream Mercedes gave the tender flesh a soft kiss and ran her fingers through Dream Puck's hair-stubble while wrapping her legs around him tighter._

_"Shit, Mama...your sexy ass is gonna kill me. Trying to get me all sprung and shit...Why don't you quit tryin' to ruin the 'Zilla and have some Mercy?"_

**~Dream Ends~**

"Have Mercy!"

"Puck, are you insane?" Quinn interrupted my dream...right when it was getting fucking good. "Your hand is on my back and you're moaning in your sleep...Move your Mohawk to your own side of the fucking bed, you asshole dipwad!"

I know it was pretty unreasonable of me to get pissed at her when all she wanted was to sleep, but her fucking with my dream at that exact point made me wanna toss her ass on the floor. But she was carrying my baby and even I ain't that ass-holey. So I just went off to vent my frustration.

"You can just shut the entire fuck up, Quinn...maybe if you didn't hog all the damn covers I could stay on my damn side. So quit flapping your jaws and go your waddling ass back to goddamn sleep!"

"I'd still _be_ sleeping if you would shut your freaking mouth; it was your mom's bright idea for me to sleep here, and I refuse to let you ruin my rest. As far as I'm concerned you can bite my waddling ass, Puckerman!"

"You fucking wish, Fabray!"

Then we went back to sleep. By the time my dream started back up again, Dream Puck had Dream Mama's shirt open, was working at unclasping her bra. He got it undone, and couldn't wait to get his hands on her...

**~Dream Begins~**

_Dream Me was using both of his hands to caress the underside of Dream Mercedes' boobs while nibbling on her neck. Then he gave one a gentle squeeze before bending down to kiss the tip._

_"Shit, Lil Mama," Dream Me murmured while circling her nipple with his tongue. "I fucking love your tits." _

_"Oh yeah, baby?" Dream Mama moaned, closing her eyes.  
_

_Dream Me gave one of them a lick, then sucked it into his mouth for a second before answering. "They're big as fuck and so damn soft...Fucking hate hard ass tits."_

_Dream Mercedes shivered and smiled right before saying, "Don't stop Puck."_

_"Got no intention of stopping, Babygirl," Dream Puck promised before shutting the fuck up._

_While Dream Me nibbled, laved, and sucked at her bodacious breasts, Dream Mercedes ran her long nails along his scalp, down his neck, and over his shoulder blades...she was driving Dream Me completely crazy, I could tell because he had a hell-ified case of the Thumper-legs._

_"Take off your shirt, baby. I wanna see your beautiful body and kiss your sexy chest," Dream Mercedes asked after a while._

_"In your living room?" Dream Puck asked. It was pretty obvious Dream Me ready to risk getting caught half-naked in her house either fucking way, but wanted to be sure she was, too. Dream Puck pinched his girl's nipples lightly, which caused Dher entire body to shiver and shake._

_"I'm taking you upstairs, boo; I wanna see you in my bed..." Dream Mercedes whispered as Dream Me bent over to taste that sexy skin again._

_"Whatever the hell you say, baby..."_

**~Dream Ends~**

"Whatever you say, baby..."

"Puck, I already told you to shut your damn hole!" And who the hell is 'Baby' anyway?" Quinn complained, while popping me with the back of her bony ass hand on the chest.

_Shit, did this chick really just interrupt me again? Right when shit was about to get real? Oh, now I really need to get Que's ass told._

"Not you; Baby Mama..."

"Well if you reach your slimy hands over to touch me one more time, I'm gonna crush your fucking nuts!"

_I touched her? Shit, I swore I wouldnt touch her again until I cut the fucking umbilical cord._

"Trust me, sleeping with your complaining ass is all the kick in the balls I need," I shot back at her.

"Go back to sleep!"

"Ladies first, Psycho!"

So we did. This time when my dream started, I was laying topless with Mercedes in her bed. That song "Cater To You" by Destiny's Child was playing on Mercedes' iPod and Beyonce was singing the part about taking off her man's shoes and cooking for him. In my dream, Mercedes was whispering the lyrics softly while I kissed my way across her bare chest.

**~Dream Begins~**

_"...Do anything for my man, baby you blow me away..." Dream 'Cedes whisper-sung while Dream Puck flicked his tongue across her nipple. Then he smiled at the lyrics and had an idea._

_"Baby," Dream Puck started. "Let me take off your skirt...I need to feel my hands all over your sexy body."_

_"Your wish is my command, baby..." Dream Mama said. Then she grabbed Dream Puck by the face and laid a soft kiss on his lips. After kissing him breathless she let him go and gave him a flirty finger-wave "...don't be gone too long!"_

_So Dream Puck crawled to the foot of the bed and got rid of her skirt and boy shorts. Then he tossed that shit to the side and just stood there for a second gawking his ass off. Dream Mercedes' body was a fucking dream come true. Dream Mama's body was all jiggly breasts, sexy rounded belly, juicy-ass thighs, and soft-looking skin. Dream Puck couldn't wait to curl up as close as he could to that body and get lost in that motherfucker. Then Dream Mama giggled shyly and beckoned Dream Me back onto the bed with her fingers._

_"See anything you like, baby?" she teased._

_"'Like' ain't a big enough word, Babygirl" Dream Me answered._

_Then he crawled back to the bed and covered all that sexy with his shirtless body again, making sure to wrap her legs around his hips. They started kissin' again, while Dream Me ran his hands over her arms and grinned cause her skin broke out in goose pimples everywhere he touched. Then he circled her waist with his arms and lowered his head to motorboat the twins, playfully. After that Dream Me started to kiss and lick his way down her ribcage._

_"Don't be worrying about me scheming to fuck you, or nothing Mama..." Dream Puck made sure to say. "...I ain't up here trying to get my dick wet. I just wanna see you naked and feel on you a little bit. My shit stays on, ok?"_

_"You're good, baby; just don't stop touching me..."_

_So Dream Puck bent his head to stick his tongue inside her belly button, while rubbing circles into the skin covering her tummy. Then he came back up and kissed Dream Mercedes again, grinding his crotch in between her naked legs._

_"I believe my baby is gettin' kinda hot right now...you gonna let me touch your pussy and get you off, Mama?" Dream Me asked while licking her earlobe after the kiss ended._

_"Your baby's been hot since you rung her doorbell..." Dream 'Cedes shivered, when she felt Puck Jr. against her thigh. "Please touch me..."_

_So Dream Puck used his fingers to part his girlfriend's pussy lips, and pinched her clit between two fingers while she moaned. _

_Then he whispered in his sex-voice, "Shit, Mama...you're so fucking wet..."_

**~Dream Ends~**

"You're so fucking wet... AAAUGHHH!"

"I told you I was gonna knee you in the balls if you touched me again, Puck..." Quinn shouted. "...and your hand is all over my ass!"

"And what ass, exactly, would that be?" I yelled right back. "The one you fucking wish you had?"

_Ok, I knew that was gonna piss her off; but in my defense, she'd just kicked me in the balls._

"You didn't seem to mind my ass when you begged me to sleep with you!"

"Back then, I didn't mind a lot of shit I can't stand now!"

_Probably shouldnt have gone there either._

Quinn looked mad as hell when she went on, "...and who the hell is so 'fucking wet'?"

"Your goddamn pillow is, slobber-mouth!"

_Yep, definitely went too far that time..._

"Get the hell out, Puck...Go sleep on the damn sofa! I'm pregnant and I need to fucking rest. You keep waking me up and its bad for the baby!" she told me using her calm, scary-ass Icy-Quinn voice.

"Shit, that's the smartest fucking thing to come outta your damn mouth all night long," I told her before getting up and running for the door.

Then I took my sleepy ass into the den. That was my last Mercedes dream of the night.

* * *

**A/N: Okay...that's enough of that. I don't really fancy myself the most accomplished smut-writer, but I thought a series of dreams and fantasies might be kinda sexy. Obviously in his dreams, Puck kept imagining that he and Mercedes were a real non-PR related couple. So all the "babys" and "boos" were a product of his subconscious, or something. **

**Anyway; the rest of season 1 will be finalized in the next chapter, so I will probably update both together for the sake of closure. **

**I hope somebody out there liked it... Happy reading!**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Thanks you guys, for all the support you've shown me since I started writing this..I hope I don't disappoint!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Glee or the characters of Glee.**

* * *

**Crashing Down Around Me**

I would love to sit here and say that I had a good reason for messing with those dweebs the day Mama broke up with me. I can't, though. I mean; yeah, I was cranky as hell...since cock-blocking ass Quinn kept interrupting my freaky-deaky dreams. And I was super fucking horny since she'd kneed me in the balls hard enough to keep me from rubbing one out. Plus, I didn't really get to sleep much even after that; cause the den sofa is lumpy as fuck. But I knew what the hell I was doing when I started that mess.

The truth is, I'd been listening to Azimio spout off his "restore world order" bullshit so long I had actually started believing it too. I knew about Karma, and I understood that I probably deserved the dumpster toss I got…but something deep inside of me (the asshole part) couldn't let them get away with that shit. So I sent a message by flipping it back on them. I ain't even get my hands dirty… Instead, I just added insult to injury by getting some of the do-bitch JV Titans to handle it for me.

My girl gave me hell while I was doing the shit at lunchtime, and I thought that was gonna be the end of it; but when I saw her right before Glee rehearsal, she was out of uniform and outta our relationship. But you wanna know what really made me step back and really look at myself? Even though we weren't a couple anymore, 'Cedes made sure she kept every promise she made to me while we 'dated.'

She kept on babysitting Michelle, whenever I had football practice and Moms had to work. Mercedes never took a dime for helping out my mom, and she knew Quinn had started going over to the library and Britts' house after school to avoid doing it. Jones loves kids, and she knew Michelle was crazy about her. To hear 'Cedes tell it, babysittng for my little sis was the highlight of her week.

Mercedes also made sure to keep helping me with English...I got a B- that term for the first time since fourth grade. She even helped me beat Artie and Mike's asses in a cross-Lima _Halo_ war. And the best thing she did for me? Mama figured out how to get Quinn up out of my crib.

My mom loves 'Cedes; even if she's not Jewish... but she wasn't buying any of that shit Jones threw at her about pregnant chicks needing to sleep alone for the baby. Moms figured that, as my new girl, Jones was just jealous of Que sleeping up in my room. Even after 'Cedes and me told Moms we weren't together anymore, she still wasn't letting up. I guess my mother must have figured out I couldn't stand Quinn, and decided that keeping her in my bed would keep other chicks out of it too. Mom probably thought she was preventing more pregnancies by being so hard-ass.

Anyway, Jones took it upon herself to invite Quinn to move into one of her brothers' old room. She told me later, that Quinn had been pretty cool toward her when she was going thru some shit with Sue and the Cheerios. Plus, Mama felt bad about accusing Que of not having any soul during Funk week. Whatever her reason, that shit came right on time.

That's when we three really got tight, and it was way easier to deal with Baby Mama when we had Jones there as a buffer. I pretty much got to come and go at the Jones house like I wanted, since Quinn was family now. Me and 'Cedes were both hoping Que would keep Beth, so we talked about that shit a lot. She and I spent a lot of time playing and singing songs to Quinn's stomach and introducing ourselves as God-mama Mercy and Da-Da. I figured Jones wasn't bullshitting, and would be around to help with Babygirl if we did get to keep her. Whatever happened, I know Mama was half the reason I quit being such a douche toward the end of sophomore year.

When Que went into labor, it looked like me and Jones were gonna get our way…Terri Shuester was out of the picture, and Que wasn't trying to send her baby somewhere to live unless she knew the motherfuckers taking Beth first. At that point, I was so determined to raise my daughter with Quinn I would've married her ass if that's what it would take to make her keep Beth. If it came down to that, I knew Mercedes would still be around to keep us from killing each other.

I know the law says that a biological father has to give his consent before giving a baby up for adoption. So if I had made a big stink about it I could have kept Beth and raised her myself, regardless of what Quinn wanted. But Moms had already told me if I took custody she wasn't gonna do all the work for me. She said part of the upside to having a son is knowing that the mom's parents are the one left raising the babies when teenage pregnancy happens. So if I wanted to be a daddy against Quinn's wishes, I was gonna have to quit school and go on welfare or something. I obviously didn't wanna do that, since it kinda defeated the whole purpose of keeping her.

So I was glad we were all on the same page when Que went into labor. Mama held Quinn's hand and patted her back while she was having labor pains and cussing me out. Then she held my hand and patted my back once the epidural kicked in and it looked like I was gonna pass out or hurl. I mean, even the baddest baddass or the biggest horror movie fan can't prepare themselves for the sight of a baby being squeezed out of a cootch; and it grossed me the hell out. I know I ain't no bitch or nothing, it was natural. Mercedes calmed me down, and helped me maintain a little bit of my swagger. Trust me, I was seriously grateful to have her sexy ass in that room.

Afterward, Berry's mom swooped in and offered to adopt Beth. I wanted to kick her ass, and I could tell Mercedes was feeling the same damn way. Quinn, capitalistic bitch that she is, jumped up and down at the chance to send Beth somewhere that wouldn't make her feel guilty. She kept saying she felt like she had tried to wrap her mind around motherhood, but still didn't wanna do it at 16. So she asked me to sign the papers. I did it, resenting her ass the whole time; then went home with Jones and stayed there til I felt better.

After spending about ten days in their house without leaving (since they give the father two excused weeks off school too), I finally went home and spent the rest of that school year in a goddamn fog. I mean, I passed all my classes and didn't get expelled for fighting; but I don't remember too much else about that time. To be honest, my head didn't really clear until school started back that fall.

* * *

**A/N: The next chapter will go into some of what Puck learned about himself the summer after Sophomore year... I'll probably do a jump back to the present for continuity. So I hope it makes sense!**


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: This chapter jumps back to the present…around the time Jake calls Puck up asking for advice about Ryder and Marley. Part of the reason I wanted to start a Puckcedes story, is because I love how much the 'Zilla has grown up over the years. I want to do an accurate portrayal of his growth, while telling a really hot love story.**

**I hope you guys like the update, and thank you for the support!**

**Thanks to JessiMae888, cmpunkfangurl, ladysnowsu Goalihta-Leigh, gdhill, CENAORTONFAN69, PerfectLover, mzsj, ShaLoveD30, and Koxie for leaving reviews since my last update. You guys gave a lot of amazing comments that cracked me up and helped me stay focused! I totally appreciate you…**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Glee or Puck, or Mercedes, or Sam, or Jake, or Mr. Shuester…you get the picture.**

* * *

**In Retrospect…**

Sitting here thinking back on all of this stuff, I guess I probably should have recognized my feelings for Mama for what they were a lot sooner than I did. Like that dream I had? I should have realized I was in love, when Dream 'Zilla didn't try to fuck Mama or at least get a blow job. I mean, have you see Lil Mama's lips…they're made for sinning and shit. But the only thing running through Dream Puck's mind was making _her _feel good. Even in the middle of a freaky-deaky ass dream, the 'Zilla had no intention of disrespecting Mama; even though Puckasaurus back then was all about plucking cherries. I supposed that was the first clue I missed.

Plus, after Beth was born; I was a lot more comfortable hanging out at the Jones' house than I was up in my own crib. My mom might be a hard-ass, and she doesn't hesitate to tell me when I'm fucking up or reminding her of my dad…but I know she loves me. When I was staying at Mercedes' house my mom called me up on the daily, begging me to come home. But all I wanted to do was help Lil Mama cook dinner for her folks, play video games with her, and do our homework together. Hanging out with the Jones family felt way more natural, and that shoulda clued me in on how much I was digging on her.

In some ways I guess I'm kind of grateful for having to go through Beth's adoption, since it's what really brought Mercedes into my life. But the shit also sent me reeling in ways I wasn't ready for, too. I mean, I was getting high every day that summer, then going to work out or clean pools while I was still blazed as hell. I fucked every MILF in Lima two or three times, and even talked Santana's boob doctor into hooking me up with this shady urologist he knew who had hell-ified a coke habit. That's how I got my vasectomy. And I basically spent the whole two months vacation acting like a bitch-ass… getting on my mom's nerves by staying fucked up all the time, then arguing with her whenever my ass wasn't high. Maybe on some level I resented her ass for not agreeing to help me get custody of Beth. And I definitely felt like punching a wall every time Moms felt the need to inform me that I was acting just like my Pops (which was just about every damn day). So my attitude was basically just me spreading the misery around. Pretty much the only time I acted like I was about shit that summer was when Jones came over to sit for Michelle.

* * *

**Learning and Growing…**

Losing my daughter also taught me some shit I needed to learn…like, REALLY needed to fucking learn. 'Cedes and her family definitely taught me the value of reaching out and showing a hurt person some love…And I took that shit to heart. Like when Shue called me and begged me to come and knock some sense into my half-bro Jake. He's the one I called an asshole-in-training. Shue told me part of the reason Jake fucked up so much was because he's so angry at our Pop. Jake was running around doing shitty stuff, then telling everybody loud and clear that they couldn't put him in the "Puckerman" category, because he wasn't like our dad and he wasn't like me. Reading between the lines, I figured Puck-With-A-Tan was just jealous that I got to live in the same house as our (literal) mutual motherfucker. I knew if I came and told Jake, point blank, that Daddy Puckerman treats me like a non-factor too…then we'd have some common ground. And the shit fucking worked. If I hadn't been on the receiving end of so much love and kindness back when 'Cedes watched out for me, I never would have been able to help Jake out.

And that's probably the only reason Lil Bro trusts me to bare his damn soul to, now. Jake knew I had been planning to come back to McKinley for the musical or whatever, but I decided not to at the last minute. I was gonna…but Mercedes was flitting around here all excited to see Sam and shit. Talking about how Artie begged her and Mike to make special appearances as guest singing coach and choreographer; and what a big surprise it was gonna be for her man when she showed up. I ain't even wanna put myself through watching Samcedes do school foreplay, then have to imagine them fucking each other's brains out when they finally got alone. So I just drove 'Cedes to the airport, then stayed here. After she got back from Ohio, Jake called me to get in my ass about lying to him.

{RINGTONE}

"Noah Puckerman Enterprises."

"What the fuck bro?"

It was Jake, pissed off apparently.

"'Sup Bro-Man? How was your play?"

"Play was fine, but your ass is up; dude. You told me you were coming to McKinley! Why you bullshitting your little bro?"

I kind of felt bad about breaking my word, but I was also kinda flattered me and Jake were close enough for him to go off on me.

"I meant to call you, Blacker-Puck; but I had to dip on that shit…Big Bro got some serious mind-fuckery going on right about now, and I didn't feel like putting myself through that particular hell."

"What up?"

I wasn't planning on telling anybody this shit, but I kinda felt like I owed Jake for flaking on his ass. Plus, bros are supposed to share or whatever; Finn and Kurt are all the time having 'lady chats' and shit.

"First of all let me ask you…did you meet Mercedes when you guys were doing _Grease_ tryouts?"

"You mean Miss Big-Girl-Sexy in the leggings and red high tops?"

"Yeah, that's her…she's my roommate. I kinda got a thang for her. So I wasn't trying to be rolling up in McKinley seeing her all hugged up with Sam. Decided to just stay my ass here."

"Whoa…Big Bro's a chubby chaser?" Jake chuckled. "Since when?"

I ain't really get offended by what Jake said, since I recognized his "ain't I an adorable asshole" laugh. Shit, I'm the one who invented that laugh. But I decided to school him anyway, just so he would know not to disrespect Jones, even in a joke.

"Hey, baby butt-wipe; I love that girl, and if you ever fix your mouth to talk down her hot body in my presence again, be ready for me to kick your curly-fro'd ass. You're my bro, so I'll help you tape up your ribs and ice your bruises and shit afterward…but you got a beat down coming the next time you bag on 'Cedes." I wanted to make sure he knew I was serious, so I went on. "Besides, Mama ain't chubby; she's thick like warm pound cake. Got Puckasaurus wanting to chew her up and swallow her down in this bitch."

"Hold the hell up, bro…first of all that was way too much damn information. Second, I was just fucking with you. I called her sexy, didn't I?"

_Now I see why Sam threatened to beat my ass all them times I called Jones 'Sexy Mama" in front of him._

"And besides, if you saw my girl's mama you'd know I ain't got no prob with some extra body meat. If ole girl takes after her mother I'm-a be hiding underneath her tummy rolls between classes before long. I'm a Puckerman; you know how we roll. As long as a chick is pretty, got some sex appeal, and can get me laughing and shit; I could give a fuck about her body type."

_Yep, that sounds about right._

"Well, anyway that's what's up."

"Why the hell would she be hugged up with Sam?"

"They been together off and on for a year. I ain't gonna try to steal my boy's lady, so I'm using the distance to resist that shit."

"Sam and Miss Sexy weren't all hugged up…they barely spoke."

_This motherfucker…_

"Aight son, on everything? Call her sexy one more time and you gotta punch coming your way come Thanksgiving. And I can't tell you why they weren't acting all lovey-dovey and shit, I just know that's why I stayed here." I wanted to change the subject so I asked him, "So who's the chick with the plus-size mama? She in Glee?"

"Yeah, the old-heads all call her 'The New Rachel,' whatever the fuck that means. She's cool. She ain't my girl yet, for real, but I'm working on it."

"She don't like you?"

"Her name's Marley; and yeah, she did like me at one time. But I kind of let my asshole ways mess me up. We were flirting and whatnot hardcore, but I started fucking with a Cheerio for my rep or whatever instead of getting with her. Now this other cat just joined Glee and wants her for himself. Can't stand his ass."

"Damn we really are related, bro. That's some real-talk Puck shit."

"Any advice?"

I thought about it for a minute before answering him.

"Let her know you're still interested. Don't sleep on that shit cause that's the pussy way. Put it on front street. Keep yourself on her mind, so she starts daydreaming about you and shit. You might get lucky."

"Makes sense. Hey, dude I gotta run, so I'll call you next week okay?"

"Yeah; okay, motherfucker. Sorry about the play, again."

"I get it, no problem."

"Love you, Mini-me."

"You too, Piss-ant."

That was last week. Yesterday, Jake called me up to tell me how the advice I gave him was working. Remember the dude pushing up on Marley, Ryder? Well, now he and Jake are best bros or something. They bonded or whatever, so Cocoa Puck's feeling all conflicted about liking Marley, now. He called me up to see if I had any advice about him possibly fucking over his new homie, since I'd already told him I was having the same problem with Sam. It really just reminded me about the fuckery I caused in me and Finn's friendship, so I made sure to shut that shit down. My pop was never around to teach me not to bone my bro's girl, but I wasn't gonna let Jake have the same excuse. I let him know it wasn't worth the damage to his friendship and told him to just wait that shit out. I was actually kinda proud of myself for growing the hell up.

* * *

**Going Forward…**

While I'm finding it pretty easy to school Jake, taking my own advice is getting fucking tricky. I can't just ignore my feelings anymore, so its hard to just act like Mama ain't in the same apartment. Instead of just chillin' in my room and watching porn online or going out to fuck hoes like I been doing; I'm finding myself hanging out in the condo and knocking on Jones' door to see if she wants to share a pizza and watch a movie with me after work. We were just hanging out together on the day I finally got up the balls to ask Jones how it was seeing Sam at McKinley. I figured my feelings weren't gonna go away anytime soon, but I could remind myself not to be a prick easier if I made sure his name came up in conversation.

I learned pretty quick that I needed to rethink that shit for the future, cause Mama talked my ears off for hours about the fight those two been having. Apparently, Sam's been helping Britt make Satan jealous by pretending to be her man. And he didn't think it was important to tell 'Cedes about the shit; or hell, ask her if it was okay. So Jones showed up at McKinley and the first thing she sees is Sam and Britt sitting next to each other in the auditorium looking all cozy and shit. Cedes was so mad she ignored his ass the whole time she was there.

I mean, I get it. Satan's a jealous-hearted shrew if ever there was one, and Britt knows her chick well enough to realize that her plan's definitely gonna work. Plus Sam's too loyal to ever cheat on his girl, for real; so on paper the shit makes sense. But Jones thinks he's using the pretend 'ship to battle his loneliness…kinda like Jones did when Sam moved last year and she started dating Tinsley. Mama's whole problem isn't Sam being Britt's fake man…it's the fact that he's getting some level of comfort from the friendship that he shouldn't be relying on anybody but her for. Mama has a point; I mean, every fake date Sam goes on with Britt is time he's taking away from talking to her. Plus Mama's been through it, so she learned that shit the hard way last year. She's pretty sure the situation won't end well; but Sam won't listen to reason.

The whole time she was talking about this shit, I listened as best I could, but I was mostly just happy as hell to be sitting on the sofa with her legs propped up on my thighs. Even with all the jawboning and shit it was comfortable, and homey. I'm not sure if I was really being a good friend, or if I was just trying to get some face time in with my crush…but I know I ain't cross any lines, since my dick stayed soft. I even managed to do something good, by telling 'Cedes to make up with Sam. I mean, next week is Thanksgiving and we're all gonna be going to Lima for the holiday and Sectionals. I told Jones that if she's still giving Sam the cold shoulder by then, she'd be wasting her vacation being mad and sad. Mama just told me she would hear him out and try to forgive his ass. In the meantime, she and I decided to go back together and make it a long-ass road trip. Since the trip is gonna take days, anyway, we decided to spend two nights in motels to sleep. I'm looking forward to the shit, but I'm also kinda worried that I'll say or do something to let 'Cedes know I'm into her. I guess I'll just worry about the shit when I have to.

I wonder if 'Cedes wants to hit the deli up the street with me, she loves the food of my people…

* * *

**A/N: In this chapter, I really wanted to show the parallels between the Jake/Ryder/Marley issue and the Puck/Finn/Quinn issue from S1. I really hate that the show would recycle old plot lines, but since I'm only watching the new S4 hot mess on Youtube anyway ,I figure I could use it to tell the story. Also, Puck needs to find out how hard being a role model really is. He never looked up to his own dad, and didn't get to raise Beth…Now is his chance to find out how difficult it is to be responsible for another person. It's gonna help him get Mercedes later on in the fic.**

**Also, I wanted to thank all of you who offered constructive criticism for my dream sequence chapter. I know it was probably more funny than sexy, because I find sexy writing difficult. But I got some really sweet tips via PM for correcting that in the future….Thanks, you know who you are!**


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: This chapter starts back in the past, at the beginning of S2. By this time, Puck is determined about wanting his rep to stay intact, while still having these conflicting emotions about the adoption. I always thought that first episode of S2 where JBI hounded Puck about whether or not he was pining for Quinn was some of the best treatment of Puck's character the producers ever put out there. He was so torn, and it was so obvious the decision to give up his baby had him reeling…Too bad they never really addressed it again. So I decided to do it myself.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Glee or the characters of Glee. Sure, I love Puck and Mercedes, and Tina, and Mike, and Santana, and Artie, and Lauren Zizes and Emma Pillsbury and Holly Holiday and Unique and Joe Hart and Sugar Motta and Principal Figgins and I used to love Sam but they don't belong to me at all. Too bad.**

* * *

**A New Start**

So junior year started, and I pretty much made up my mind to put the last whole year outta my damn mind. I figured as long as I stayed Puck, and did me…nobody would step to me with any shit. I mean, being in the Glee club wasn't gonna change me for real; I was still a badass, and I was still a stud. All I had to do to reclaim my self was beat up a few losers, and fuck a few hoes… no problem, right?

Wrong! From the first day of school, I had motherfuckers all in my damn face trying to figure me out. Dumbasses who were scared of my damn shadow a year ago were trying to read me and ask me shit about whether I was still in love with Quinn and did I miss my baby or not! And I ain't with any of that lame shit.

I don't trust people like that…I only fuck with about four people who I can stand long enough bare my soul to; and even then I only do it under certain circumstances. I talk to my Moms, when she ain't looking at me like I'm some kinda cross between my dad's clone and the biggest fuckup in life. I trust my Nana, when she gives me that "there's my favorite little boy, ever" look. I shoot the shit with Finn, when he's on that "let's bond over not having daddies" kick, and I trust Mercedes when I wanna get something about missing my little girl off my chest. That's it!

So when JBI got all in my grill wanting to find out where my head was at, I knew I had some shit to take care of. I had to make sure nobody at that school was comfortable looking me in the damn eye. So I started planning ways to let Bad Boy Puck out again.

In the mean time, I tried to help my Glee homies out by trying to recruit new members. My boy Matt transferred schools, so we needed some new blood. Rachel and Finn and Mr. Shue came up with this plan to perform on the quad at lunch one day early on in the school year. Instead of the usual old-ass music and show tunes, they all agreed we would perform a rap routine. It was actually a pretty good plan…I mean, that time New Directions sang "Push It" at assembly, everybody tried to act like it wasn't hot or whatever; but even I had to admit a good song made Glee seem less lame.

"Empire State of Mind" was a fucking bust though. I mean, I knew some people had to be feeling it, since we sounded hot like fire. Finn ain't a bad rapper, and you know me and Artie got swag for days. Mama sang her sexy ass off, and the dancing was actually tight when you consider the fact that we only practiced for three days. Mike and Britt made up for whatever the choreography lacked, and even the accessories looked good. Shit; gold chains, ball caps, and shades…what's not to like? My favorite part was Mercedes' bra strap showing.

My guess as to why nobody wanted to join us for real, even after that? It was the fucking costumes…performing in costumes is lame and gay as hell. Plus, who in the hell thinks wearing t-shirt with the name of a city plastered across it is cool? Nobody, that's who…If we'd have just did it in our street clothes we might have got a few more newbies. Mama and me did look kinda good together in all black, though.

The only people interested in joining us were a couple of people who didn't know shit about McKinley. They weren't there the previous year, so they didn't realize our club was made up of a bunch of slushy magnets. Rachel took care of trying to get that Sunshine chick on board, while Finn and the rest of us dudes went after the guy, Sam.

First time I met the dude, I could tell he was real thirsty to be popular. He had that eager to please, little puppy dog look…plus he was licking Finn's ass just so he could be cool with the quarterback. I could tell, the whole time he was talking about himself, that he wasn't gonna last long in Glee Club. All it was gonna take to make him quit was one good swirlie from Azimio. Hell, I wasn't really expecting him to join at all.

When he said that shit about being a bad student, though, I figured he and me might be friends on the football team. So I started right in making fun of his mouth from jump street. It may have been asshole move, but that's how we do it in Glee…crack jokes on each other, make fun of how everybody else looks, then give each other fucked up nicknames. He rolled with the punches, and turned it right back around on me. That's when I knew Sam was cool.

We all sung "Billionaire" together, and rocked it out, but dude never showed up for auditions; just like I thought. Then we found out Rachel sent the Philippine girl to a crack house, so we _still_ didn't have anybody. Later on, the girl finally got her audition but she left the school right afterward to sing for our biggest competitor. After all that shit, we were back at square one. That's when I decided to quit caring about that shit, just be in Glee without getting involved in the day-to-day stuff. I just showed up and sang everyday.

So I was there when everybody was hallucinating about Brittany Spears, and I helped perform the sexy "Toxic" song at assembly. But while everybody else was concentrating on not dancing too close to Mr. Shue's creeper ass, I was watching the audience. We had a few people feeling the hell out of our song. I caught a lot of dudes straightening up when Mercy and Tana let Kurt and Mike cover their tatas with the bowler hats and pull 'em away. That move was fucking hot! In the end though, New Directions still couldn't catch a break…for the first time we managed to get the whole school clapping and dancing; just to cause a damn riot in the gym.

I was also there when everybody was flippin out about Jesus, and I mostly stayed outta that mess. I just sent Kurt's dad a card and tried to talk Finn outta acting like a born-again. I helped sing that Sarah McClauglin song too; ol' Girl Chang got some serious voice. After that I figured out a way to get my rep back and ended up getting thrown into Juvie.

* * *

**Best Laid Plans**

So I'm gonna admit right off the bat that my reasons for goin' all "Barbershop" and stealing the ATM weren't exactly honorable. I basically did it so people would know I was still the baddest thug in school. Even the doper loadies that hang out with those skanky girls under the bleachers don't have a real criminal in their clique. I knew if I got away with it the rumor mill would be buzzing like hell, and I'd have the whole school scared of me in no time again.

But I was gonna do some good shit afterward, too. I planned to give Mr. Shue as much of the money as he wanted to pay for travel and stuff, to keep us from having to throw another bake sale. I was gonna start paying Mercedes for all the free babysitting she was giving my Moms; plus, having an enforcer in the club should have made Az and Karofsky ease up on the slushies, right?

I mean, I'm a fuck-up but I had some decent intentions. Then, my mom had been saying for months she needed a new car…crashing into the store totaled the Volvo out, so the insurance company cut her a check that she used to buy a brand new Corolla. At least that part of my plan worked out.

What didn't work out was the way I got caught. I was halfway home with the ATM when some rent-a-cop assholes noticed it in the backseat. At first it looked like they were just gonna laugh and point their fingers at the obviously stolen cash machine, but I guess the broken glass and bent fender on the Volvo hipped the Deputy Dawgs to the fact that maybe they should find out why I had the shit. They pulled me over, and I kept my mouth shut…but they really didn't need me to incriminate myself. The surveillance cameras at the convenience store told the whole damn story.

So I got arrested, and had a trial in Family Court where I pleaded guilty to lessen my sentence. They told me if I spent the next 30 days in Juvie and never got into any more trouble, then I'd be an official non-criminal in the eyes of the law once I turned 18. So I took my new orange jumpsuit and booties and did my damn time at the Mondale School for Boys.

* * *

**The Grapevine**

I'm not even gonna go into the shit storm that being in Juvie was…you can probably guess for yourself that it wasn't any motherfucking fun. As far as I'm concerned there were only two things about that place that are worth me mentioning to you. Number One: At McKinley High, I'm the original badass and number one boss…I do what the hell I want while everybody else tries to get on my level. And I like it that way. But up in that piece? I was probably the closest thing to a girl those dudes had seen in months. I may be cut, and my guns are all kinds of hot; but some of the motherfuckers in Juvie looked like the Big fucking Show. All they did all damn day was eat, work out, and fight. And most of 'em were mean like fucking rattlesnakes. I thought I was disadvantaged because I ain't grow up around my Pops, but these dudes were even worse off. In group therapy I found out that most of the dudes there were raised by their grandparents, or another older relative. Most of the time their moms and older siblings were fucking crack-heads and prostitutes and shit. Those motherfuckers didn't have shit to lose by acting a damn fool in Juvie, so they showed their asses from day one. Getting my nipple ring pulled out in a fight with a bunch of teenage gang-bangers was all the damn motivation I needed to act right so I could get the hell outta that piece with the quickness. So I did my school work, talked to my family every week, and participated in the mandatory therapy like a goddamn golden boy.

The number two thing you need to know about my stint in Juvie is this: Every damn night, I had a raunchy ass dream starring Mercedes Jones. And in every last one of those dreams, the same shit happened. Me and Jones would be making out somewhere, then the shit would get freaky. I'd feel and stroke all over Mama's body, and wrap myself up between her legs, cheesing like a dork the whole fucking time. Then when it seemed like the shit was about to get serious, Dream Me pumped the damn brakes. The furthest Dream Puck would let the sexy stuff go, was sucking the hell outta Mercedes' clit. I'm serious…Dream Mama got like twenty nights worth of tongue fucks, courtesy of my imaginary oral fixation. Dream Me couldn't get enough. I mean, don't get me wrong; the 'Zilla ain't opposed to licking a little slit in real life. I honestly enjoy the hell outta eating pussy…it's just that, in real life, I always manage to get mine too. But every time Mama offered to return the favor in my dreams or begged me to fuck her silly, Dream Puck shut her ass down. Sometimes I told her she wasn't ready yet, and that I cared about her too much to rush the shit. Other times I just spit some lines about getting off on how good she tasted. Usually though, the dream ended with me whispering to her that it was gonna be a 'Cedes day, and that she deserved to be pampered. The end result was always the same though; Dream Me didn't bust one fucking nut. But the funny part was that every morning I woke up in the middle of sticky ass sheets. I guess the shit was sexy enough for my real body to get off on. At the time, I didn't think it meant anything other than I was in desperate need of some sex.

Everything else I saw and did while I was there was a non motherfucking factor. I just marked my time, did what I had to do, and basically lived for whatever contact I could get with the outside world. Obviously I missed a lot of shit while I was locked up like Akon., but my boy Finn called me up every Sunday to tell me about school. Dude mentioned a lot of shit I wish I was there to see, actually. Most of it convinced me to never get incarcerated again as long as I live….you miss too much good shit when you go down the river.

The first Sunday, Finn was going on and on about duets week. Started talking about how Sam came on and joined Glee, since he wasn't playing ball anymore. Finn told me Kurt was so lonely he had convinced himself Sam was gay, but everybody could tell 'ol boy had the hots for my baby mama. When Finn asked me if I was mad about the shit, I couldn't say "hell no" fast or loud enough. Shit, if Sam wanted to live with a permanent case of icy-balls that was his fucking problem. I owed him a box of candy for taking one for the team. Finn told me those two sang that asshole song about being in love with your best ffiend, and he described the other acts too. I ain't give a shit about Kurt's he/she performance or Tike and the fucking show tune, but Mama and Tana shaking their asses in class sounded pretty interesting.

Second week, Finn was blabbering about _Rocky Horror, _and what role everybody had. The movie is pretty cool; I liked the alien shit at the end and the freaky lesbo maids even before me and 'Cedes went to see the play. But the rest of the junk…body image, Shuester's creepin on the married red-head, and Sylvester causing problems-was boring as hell. Hudson emailed me a picture of the cast, though…used Mr. Shue's email so the prison people wouldn't intercept it. I guess they thought it was Spanish homework. The chicks all looked smoking, except Rachel. Britt was rubbing her hands all over Jones' waist and licking her neck, while Santana bent over doing this stripper dance into Mama's crotch. It was pretty hot, especially with Jones wearing all that dominatrix shit.

Couple of days after he sent me the pics, I was able to convince one of my counselors and my probation officer that I was turning over a new leaf. Apparently they were impressed by my school activities and shit. I may have been a delinquent, but all the chicks in charge of my case were pretty sure I wasn't gonna end up a serial killer or whatever. Kept saying something about how cat-skinners and future baby-rapists rarely start out as state championship football players and team-to-beat show choir singers. The counselors kept going on and on about how I could be rehabilitated if I got a little bit of lee-way, when they appealed to the judge. He agreed, and told me as long as I did some community service and stayed in all my after school extracurriculars, then they'd let me go. I was so ready to get up outta there I would have joined the Jesus Freak Society to leave. You know, that club that gathers around the flag pole every morning before school to pray? Anyway, I left the detention center and went back to school.

My first day back at McKinley I kinda wanted to lay low and just figure out what the rumor mill was saying about me. I didn't want anybody to know about what a punk I had turned into while I was locked up, but I wasn't trying to do shit to get tossed back in there, either. So I just figured I'd be on watch mode for a few days. But as soon as I got to Glee, I had to rethink my plan. I came in and sat down, getting dap and shit from my friends and whatnot. Then Lil Mama came in my plans went straight to hell. First of all, she gave me this long "welcome back" type hug, rubbing her had across my back and squeezing me all hard. Mama was the first chick to give me any real contact outside of my family since I been back. So it had me completely fucked up. Then, she passed by me and I smelled her shampoo or lotion or something. That shit smelled like some goddamn coconuts and chocolate and vanilla, and it made me crazy, since it reminded me of a damn Almond Joy and that's my absolute SHIT. Then Jones actually parked her ass behind me, which made me nervous every time I turned around and saw her sitting there. I was a little embarrassed (no, fuck embarrassed, the 'Zilla don't do embarrassed…I was feeling awkward) because at that point I'd been dreaming about doing all this freaky shit to her for, like, two whole weeks. I just couldn't stop thinking that she could see that shit all over my face, so I decided to play it off by showing the class I was still bad-ass. I bragged my ass off and did my bullying intimidation bullshit; then when she and the rest of the club started bitching about our competition I made sure to run off at the mouth some more. My attitude was totally unnecessary, but by the time class ended I had no choice but to run with the shit.

That's why I scammed A-Team in to singing for money in the quad, and why I was such a damn asshole toward Kurt when we were having Mash-off rehearsals. But the shittiest thing I did that week was definitely fucking with Artie about running out on the tab at the 'Stixx. I swear, everybody around me gets so sick of hearing me say this whenever I fuck up; but I honestly don't know why the hell I did that shit. It's like a damn perversion or something-when I'm in doubt, I automatically go to the asshole place. Plus, I was kinda looking forward to getting some nookie that night and wanted to make sure that shit was a given. Santana obviously didn't care about my credit score as long as I was still bad to the bone…so I showed my ass that whole week.

I wasn't the only one though…the virgin crew were _all_ being douche bags by picturing the Bieste while dry humping each other so they wouldn't come all in their underwear and shit. It was really fucked up, because I kinda always thought Beiste was pretty cool-looking. She ain't exactly sexy or whatever, but she got a pretty smile, and a lot of dudes love a chick who can beat their ass. So it was pretty fucked up that Sam, Finn, and Tina were going there. I helped the dudes out by singing the En Vogue song for the Mash-off apology they planned. It was pretty cool, the song is seriously full of attitude…but fuck, I wished I could have sung with the girls. That Bon Jovi/Rolling Stones number was hot like fire and every last one of em was sexy as fuck. All the hair swinging and gyrating and girls stroking themselves had me wishing I'd brought my motherfucking camera. Even prissy ass Quinn and Rachel stopped acting so damn frigid. My favorite part of the performance was when Jones had her solo and the girls all straddled the mike stands and humped the hell out of the 'em. I caught Mike drooling, so I slapped him on the arm with the back of my hand to let him know he wasn't the only one. Not really sure which girl had him wiping his mouth, though…Tina was on the opposite side from where he was looking.

By the time Wheels had talked me into letting him be a "good influence" on me or whatever, I was over trying to impress motherfuckers at McKinley. I mean, I lucked out big-time when I dodged getting in trouble for dining-and-dashing. And my probie officer didn't even report the way I acted a fool in Figgins' office. So I made up my mind to be a good boy.

That's why I didn't try to bang Ms. Holiday, that hot-ass substitute teacher who took over for Shue. Its also why I looked at Ms. H so crazy when she gave me the answers to the Spanish quiz. Then I just figured some teachers are just cool like that and quit worrying about getting in trouble. And I stayed the hell outta the fray when the Glee boys went to the locker room to fuck Karofsky up for messin with Kurt. I even stayed faithful to Tana; instead of trying to bang all the chicks in school who wanted to fuck an actual criminal. Then Kurt left and went to the gay school and Shue asked me to find a nother member, and I met Zizes. That's when all my good boy shit went right out the damn door.

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**A/N: Okay, the next part of the story is gonna be Zizes intensive. It was super fun to write, and I think you all will really love it. I hope everybody is as into this story as I am…please leave me a review if you have a question or want me to address something…**

**Love you!**


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: This chapter is going to mostly talk about the time Puck spent in a relationship with Zizes. I love Lauren Zizes….a lot of people who read my **_**Perfect Attendance **_**story think I don't, because of the way I had her dump Puck. But I love her so much it ain't funny. She's exactly the kind of character that make shows like Glee watchable. She's really funny, observant, and a great role model for girls. I love her confidence and I think Ashley Fink is sooo adorable in the role. So shout-outs go to LudaNeet and Annikay for helping me puzzle out a few things about Zizes, which made their way into this chapter.**

**I'm using this chapter to kind of point out some of the things Puck needs to learn before he's ready for 'Cedes. And he gon' learn, y'all… Zizes is one helluva teacher. Hope you like it.**

**Thanks to Goalie-Leigh, gdhill, Koxie, TBlovestoread, elemeno82002, and JessieMae888 for reviewing since my last update...you guys are great to write for.**

**Oh, yeah…JessiMae888, you know how much I love your dream sequence chapter…so one of my favorite parts made its way in here. Let me know if you catch it lol.**

**Disclaimer: I really don't think anybody reading this believes that I'm at all responsible for the hot mess Glee has become. If you do, let this be reminder that I ain't.**

* * *

**Someone New**

Some of you are probably wondering if I maybe used my relationship with Zizes to get 'Cedes outta my head. I've thought about that shit a lot lately, and I'm honestly not sure if I did or not. I mean, I wasn't really admitting to myself that I was even feeling Lil Mama like that back then…Yeah, I was digging her, but I wasn't all pressed to make her my lady or anything. I do know that Mama and Zizes are alike in a lot of ways. Not physically; Mama and Lauren couldn't be more different in body type unless one of 'em grew another boob. Zizes is all barrel bodied and kinda pear-shaped; she's like, a bonified big-girl. She can't pull off sexy clothes for real and Glee Club always had to make sure to get her a pair flats to perform in, since she can't wear heels. But 'Cedes is what the Black football dudes call "thick," which just means she got a little extra baggage but her body is banging. Jones wears sexy shit every day of her life, and dances her ass off in the same shoes as the skinny chicks every time we perform. Plus, there's like a foot difference in their heights.

No, when I say those two are similar , I mean they act the same. First of all they're both real family oriented and shit. Those two are the only chicks I ever brought home to meet Moms and Michelle, cause I knew none of the other chicks I used to bang would give a damn if I had family or not. Both of 'em like to cook and watch action movies, too. I could tell all my best dirty jokes to Jones and Zizes; since that shit was guaranteed to have 'em laughing their asses off. And neither one of 'em were ever offended by all my sexual innuendos. They both played video and card games like pros, and I got cussed out by the both of 'em more times I can count. But the biggest similarity between Lauren and Mercedes was how good they both were at reading my mind and calling me on my bullshit. I guess you could say Zizes and Jones were responsible for teaching me about how to treat women.

See, when I first talked Zizes into joining Glee, I figured it was a pretty good bet she'd say yes, since she's so damn nosy. Lauren's the type of that'll bug the girls locker room for fun, then laugh her ass off at all the gossip she records. Everybody at school is all the time up in New Directions business anyway, so I figured Zizes wouldn't be able to resist watching all our drama up close and personal. Then after we won Sectionals, Zizes actually stayed in Glee-cause she knew we still needed twelve members. Zizes was real upfront about telling me she thought we were a bunch of losers, but she stuck with us in spite of that shit. So I was real impressed by her loyalty. Even at Christmas time; when we were catering to Brittney's crazy by going to see Santa Clause and getting shoes thrown at us caroling at school, Lauren stayed ride or die. That's how the two of us got close on friendly level. But when she joined the football team with Rachel, Tina, and Mama, so we Titans could stay in the playoff? That was when I realized how sexy Zizes could be. Rushing dudes on the gridiron, and making them cry ain't exactly something that inspires most boys to start digging on a chick, but that shit sure as hell worked for me. I was sprung…no doubt about it, that's where my crush got serious.

Also, by the time I started wooing Zizes on Valentine's, I had this serious feeling that running with the popular crowd and trying to be king of the school was fucking up my life. Dating Cheerios, fucking MILFS, and scaring nerds were all a huge part of why I ended up in Juvie. I needed to change my attitude, and I figured hanging out with somebody based on more substantial shit than popularity would be a start. I wasn't in love or nothing, but in general terms, Zizes was impressive as fuck. She kicked ass on the wrestling mat, walked around like she was Beyonce fine, and gave me hard time just like I love it. She was a hell of a kisser, and really sexy in a dominatrix kinda way. Not that she ever wore any leather around me…I used to dream though.

So I decided to just date the girl I liked, and tell the haters to fuck off. When Zizes promised me some action if I helped her over her stage fright, all I could think about, was doing whatever I could do to get in between those jiggly thighs. I figured I could still get my dick wet on the regular and not break laws and shit. So I made up my mind to let Bad Boy Puck out, all over Lauren's big-ass body. That right there was all the motivation I needed to get my woo on.

* * *

**Dropping Some Knowledge**

Remember when I said Lauren and Jones were mind readers? Well, the first time I recognized it was at Berry's train wreck party. See, after me and Zizes crossed over from tipsy to shit-faced, she picked an argument with me that landed me on the sofa next to Jones while everybody else did their thing. Tina and Mike were make-out dancing, Lauren and Quinn were deep into a discussion about what a douche bag I was, and Boy-Berry was flirting with Finn (or possibly Rachel). Mama and me laughed at Sam and Tana dry-humping on the sofa, and threw a couple of dollars at Britt while she made it rain. Then DJ Artie played that long-ass song by Beyonce where she says the word "body" like, four hundred times. Towards the end of the song, Cedes got up and tried to school the other chicks on dance moves from the video. My favorite parts were when she did that "uh-oh" shit, and the part where Beyonce starts whining about "doing an old-school dance," since Mama pulled out the Butterfly on that one. It was sexy as fuck. I guess Zizes must have realized that my eyes were pretty much glued to Jones the whole time, because she came over and suggested that I go dance with her. And I was too fucked up to remember why I probably shouldn't.

I basically spent the next hour or whatever getting well and truly acquainted with Mama's booty, right up until the Spin the Bottle game started. Mama got some sexy-ass dance moves, believe that. And she really got into the music, dancing like the rent was due or some shit. Like when she did this hip-winding move that kinda reminded me of that "washing machine" shit from that _Selena_ movie with J-Lo. Mama's whole body started jiggling in a damn circle…shoulders, arms, hips; watching it made my drunk ass dizzy. Or when she did this sexy ass body roll move, that was kinda like the one Sam does all the time (cause it's like, the only move that kid can do, for real) except, instead of being concentrated in the shoulders and torso area, her body roll starts in her tits and ends with this sexy ass-pop. Every, I mean every, time her ass bounced off my thighs, she'd look back between her eyelashes and give me this shy smile while I made sure to position my right leg in between both of hers. And if the Lambada shit wasn't enough, shit got really real when Britt tried to school Mama on how to do stripper moves. Jones got offended and told Britt to "watch and learn." Then Mama proceeded to straighten her legs and lock her knees, then moved her hips from side to side to the beat…which caused her ass to swing back and forth like a pendulum against me. Then she bent over gradually from the waist, and looked over her left shoulder at me to see if I was paying attention. I half expected her to pull out a blow pop or start sucking on her damn thumb, the shit was so sexy. When she didn't, I just grabbed her hips and enjoyed the ride. Right before the dancing stopped, Mama turned me around so she could grind all up into my ass! I ain't mind though, since she was wrapped all round my midsection and I could feel her cheeks and tits pressing into my back…Made my whole entire body feel warm.

Spin the Bottle was pretty fun too. I sat in between Zizes and Tina and listened while they both clowned on Sam for letting Satan go off on him after he kissed Britt. Mercedes spun next, and got up to kiss Artie. The shit looked really sweet on her side, but A-Team got buck wild kissing 'Cedes. Kept slipping her the tongue and shit…Afterward I heard Britt ask her man how the kiss was. Wheels just touched his fingers to his lips and smiled like a damn fool. Then Zizes spun and the bottle landed on Finn. They both crawled to the middle of the circle and it actually looked kinda sexy from where I was sitting. I knew already how good a kisser Lauren was, but I guess Finn wasn't ready for her. She had him moaning out loud and grabbing her ass and shit. I let it slide though, since he owed me for Quinn. I was actually drunk enough to cheer 'em on. Then it was my turn so I spun the shit and finished my shot while waiting for it to finish going around. When the bottle landed on 'Cedes I kinda jumped up outta my spot on the floor like I was excited or something. So I played it off like "The 'Zilla don't crawl, Mama… Bring that sexy up here!"

Jones just rolled her eyes, smiled and stood up anyway. She got about two feet away from me and I decided to get all Alpha Male in that bitch by grabbing her by the waist and pull her over to me. Right before I laid a kiss on Jones, I whispered "I missed them lips, Mama," making sure nobody heard me but her. Then I went in for the kill.

I felt Mama smile against my lips, I guess because of what I said, so I just pulled her closer to me and kissed the hell outta her sexy mouth. I was fucked up, and my impulse control wasn't shit, anyway- so her hands on the side of my face and running down my neck felt like silk or something. Our kiss got super deep, and all I could think about was how good she smelled and how soft her lips, waist, tongue, and ass were (cause you know I had my hands all over that rump). The kiss wasn't long, but it was intense as hell. I'm pretty sure the both of us had closed eyes and horny ass expressions when we separated and faced our friends.

Then Artie cleared his throat and said "Damn, Puckcedes… What the fuck was that?"

Me and Mama just kinda stood there biting our lips and not looking at anybody.

"Yeah…" Mike started. "…you two used to date and I never saw you get it on like that the whole time you were together!"

He elbowed his girlfriend to see if she agreed, and Tina nodded while giggling her ass off.

"Shit, is that slobber I see?" Santana quit crying long enough to start fanning her self. Me and Mama both touched our faces to make sure we weren't drooling for real. Then Satan said, "You two getting Frenchy in this mother fucker? Grinding and whatnot…All of that shit was hot as hell. Wheezy? You and the 'Zilla can get it," Tana offered.

Me and 'Cedes shot each other a look and she shook her head in a way that told me she thought it was all a big joke while I just shrugged my shoulders.

"Threesome?" Brittney asked, perking the hell up. Britt loves group sex. "Can I play?"

Then Mama gave me this expression that was made up of equal parts judgment and fear. I guess by that time she realized that Britney and Satan were dead-ass serious.

"Hold up," Sam interrupted, while everybody else kind of focused on the possibilities of Britt and Satan getting down with Puckcedes. "If my girlfriend is going to be getting it on with Puck, 'Cedes, and Britt….What the hell am I gonna be doing?"

That was basically his blue balls talking, since I could tell Satan wasn't letting him hit it. She might kiss the hell outta his guppy lips, and ride him on a sofa in front of people, but that shit was a damn front. Satan quit fucking with stand-alone dick when I hooked up with Zizes. I keep meaning to tell Evans if he wants some from Satan, he's gonna need to invite Britt to join in. But he's kinda churchy, so maybe threesomes aren't okay with him. Plus, he would never do that to Artie.

Satan blubbered her way over to him and pinched his cheeks "You can watch, Trouty!" she slurred into his face.

Evans took a second to look over at Britt, who was clapping and bouncing while Artie shook his head, "no." Then Sam gave 'Cedes a peek; she had her arms crossed over her chest and her lungs were heaving, making her tits bounce…finally Evans turned back to Satan and declared drunkenly, "I'm in!"

I was just kinda looking at him in shock, because I figured watching a foursome go down was probably just as sinful being in one. Then the rest of the club decided to chime in.

"Ditto!" breathed Tina and Boy-Berry. I guess they wanted to see the shit too.

Kurt looked scandalized and squealed "Eww…" and I guess drunk Berry ain't as prissy as sober Berry is, cause she started chanting "Do it, do it, do it…" while smacking her thighs to the beat. Mike mouthed "Wow," and nudged his girlfriend; Finn just chanted "Mailman, mailman, dead dead mailman," like twelve times in a row. I made sure to turn to Lauren and see if my ass was in trouble or not.

"Shit, don't look at me…I agree with them," Zizes laughed.

_Cool…_

Then 'Cedes and me looked at each other and drunk-laughed. She took a cute little bow, and I patted her on the ass playfully (you know, for show). Then we sat back down.

After that Rachel and her fraternal twin from another mother decided to make out in front of everybody, which was really super gross…like even grosser than Sam and Quinn rounding the bases and more incestuous than me and Satan fucking each other to death. Like, that right there is what taught my ass once and for all that opposites attract for a damn reason. Mother fuckers who are too much alike need to avoid getting together, just so other people don't have to look at the shit. By that time Zizes and me had made up so I spent the rest of the night dancing in a Puck sandwich with her and Jones, and resting my head on Lauren's tatas whenever she'd let me.

Now back to what I said about Lauren being a mind reader. After the party I took my girl home in my truck and we sat outside her house making out until curfew. We weren't doing anything serious, but I was groping her tits a little under her shirt while she stroked the back of my neck. We broke apart for a minute to catch our breath and Zizes took the opportunity to grill my ass.

"You and the Midget used to date, didn't you Puck?"

I looked at her kind of drunkenly and wondered where this shit was coming from.

"Huh?"

She rolled her eyes at me, all impatient, and repeated herself.

"You and Jones…You were her man last year, right?"

She had that "don't make me punk you" look on her face so I answered her quick.

"Oh; yeah, kind of…Not for real though. It was back when she was a Cheerio and I lost my 'hawk. I needed a popularity boost and Mama helped me out."

Then I kinda looked down at my lap…I figured it was the end of the conversation. I was wrong.

"So who dumped who?"

She shocked me enough with that shit for me to get a little bit belligerent.

"The fuck you wanna know that for?"

Lauren got pissed at me and punched the shit outta my shoulder before answering me.

"Just answer the question, asshole!"

I rubbed my shoulder and flinched because she drew back like she was gonna hit me again, then I answered her.

"Okay, okay…Mama broke up with me for acting like an asshole!"

Zizes gave a little thought to what I just said then asked another question.

"Did you ever think about getting with her for real?"

The question surprised me, and I wondered if it was somehow related to all that girly-ass low self esteem crap.

"Zizes, if this is your way of letting me know your ass is insecure or some shit…"

I reached for her hands to reassure her or whatever, and she elbowed me in the side and slapped my hands away.

"Fuck that, Puckerman…I ain't jealous of any bitch at McKinley, I'm the freaking hotness," she declared. "I mean, I'm woman enough to admit that if **was** a chick around here on my level of sexy, it would be Jones. But insecure? Never that…"

I could tell she was being straight with me so I just asked "So why?"

Zizes kinda gave me a drunk smile and answered, "It's just I get the feeling you kinda dig Jones. Like maybe you got unfinished business or something."

I may look dumb, but I know better than to fall for any of that chick-trap shit.

"Oh, hell no….You're not getting me to admit to that. You'll be mad for a week…And your ass is already mean enough. Fuck if I'm about to give you any more fucking reasons to go off !"

Zizes just laughed.

"Calm yo tits, man…it ain't even about all that. It's cool if you're crushing on Jones. She's hot, and it doesn't mean you're not into me. It just means you got eyes."

I thought it over, and her reasoning made sense, but I still wanted to be sure before I answered her; so I asked "You crushing on anybody?'

"Fuck yeah…" she answered without hesitating. "…I love me a dude whose race I can't tell for real, so that biracial guy on the hockey team is all kinds of fine. And I used to dig on Finn or whatever; since he's so tall and dopey. I was definitely feeling the way he grabbed my ass during Spin the Bottle, tonight; if I'm being dead-ass honest. But that's some 'never gonna happen' shit for real, your boy only likes basic bitches…"

Since Zizes was being so honest I decided to lay it all out there.

"Whatever, I like Mama…she's cool and shit. But I don't really fit in with a chick like her," I explained.

"Why not?"

Zizes seemed really curious, like she really didn't understand what I was trying to tell her. So I broke it down.

"I do fucked up shit for no damn reason. She likes the good boy type."

Then Zizes got this really deep-thinking ass look on her face and she started pulling at a loose thread on my flannel shirt. She does that when she's trying to work through something.

"While that may be true, I have to say…You and Jones could be really good friends right about now. But you don't even see it."

Zizes is the type to sit back and observe shit while drama swirls all around her (and most of the time she manages to find a bowl of popcorn or some candy to munch on while the shit storm is happening). So I knew she probably caught on to a lot of the shit I missed.

"What makes you say that?"

"Well, I was watching everybody tonight. Jones kept getting ditched every time the couples got all lovey-dovey. I mean, she was hanging out laughing on the couch with Tina, then Asian Fusion got started and Jones was left by herself. Then she and Lopez were taking shots until Satan decided she wanted to dry-hump Evans. Finally, Jones got to gossiping with Kurt, then Rachel started flirting with Anderson. I'm pretty sure the Fairy sprained his swivelly little hips, twirling around to go chase after his boy-toy. The only time somebody paid any real undivided attention to Jones the whole night was when you were dancing with her. I saw the look on her face when she was grinding into your back; Jones was having a damn blast."

I agreed with what she was saying, but something about what she said was bothering me.

"But I got a girlfriend, too," I reminded her.

"True…" Lauren agreed. "…but I'm not the type to stay all boo'd-up with my dude all night. Or any time, for that matter. I like having shit to myself outside of my relationships."

I thought about that for a minute and realized she wasn't bullshitting. Zizes was all the time ditching me at Glee functions so she could go hang out with her AV friends or the wrestling team.

"So you could help Jones out, spend some time with her so she ain't so lonely all the damn time," Lauren finished.

"But why would you want me spending time with somebody you know I got a crush on?" I wondered.

The sweet contemplative look left her face and it changed to pretty much just…pissed.

"Didn't I just say I'm not worried? Jones is cool, she'd never snake my dude…"

That was true.

"…and I trust you. You're an asshole, and a real dickhead sometimes. But you learned your lesson about all that cheating shit."

Also true.

"Plus…" Lauren started, like she had something to add. Then she changed her mind. "…actually, forget it man. I'm not even gonna go there."

I was curious so I fixed her with a stare and said "Tell me."

"Well…" I could tell she'd just decide to say 'fuck it' and tell me whatever she was thinking. "…were you happy with Jones? Like, was it fun having her as your girl? For that matter, do you like dating me?"

I didn't even hesitate to answer that one.

"Yeah, coolest two chicks I ever hung out with."

Zizes got this "WTF" type expression on her face when I said that.

"So why you keep going back to Cheeri-hoes and MILFS?" Zizes made sure to slap my head while asking that shit. "Look, Puckerman. I'm gonna go'ne head and admit that before we hooked up I had been watching you for a minute."

Which was another thing those two had in common...stalking my ass without me even noticing the shit._  
_

"And I really couldn't stand your ass, until after you got out of Juvie. When you got back, I could tell you had changed. Still a badass…but you seemed more focused. And I dug it."

Yeah, I was focused all right…Focused on staying my ass outta the Mondale School for Boys, but whatever. I get where she's going.

"And I just think that girls like me and Jones are the kind of chicks you should be seeing. We're good for you. I know I don't let you get away with a bunch of bullshit, and I'd bet money Jones didn't either. You the type of dude that digs a challenge…"

How the hell could she tell that?

"And I know me, so I can just about guess that me and Jones have similar outlook on physical stuff. We can both show affection and whatnot without being freak-a-deek sluts or prudes, ether."

I nodded, since I'd figured that out for myself a year ago.

"So when you and me crash and burn, I want you and Jones to hook back up, like for real. I like you, I like her… and I think you two could be happy together. If y'all get close, become friends now- and she doesn't hook up with anybody else- it's a done deal."

Sounded good to me, but I wondered something. "Why are you so sure me and you won't last?" I asked, kind of offended.

Then Zizes voice got softer than I ever heard it get before.

"Don't get me wrong, Puckerman…I like you and all. You're one of the hottest dudes at McKinley, even if you are scrawny. We have a lot in common and I dig the way you make me laugh. But I got way too much self esteem to be spending time trying to school you on how to be somebody's man." She kept going even though I could tell it was hard for her to show so much softness. "I mean, I get it…you didn't grow up around your dad. And your mom never bothered to find a replacement for him, so you were the closest thing to a man in your house when you were a kid. You have no clue what a loving relationship looks like. So even when you like somebody a lot, you're not really sure how to treat 'em.

I can't stand this type of psycho-babble, but 'ole girl had a point.

"See, a chick like Jones? She likes that kinda junk…she's the nurturing type, likes to fix broken people. She'd love to help you be a better person or whatever."

And I had to admit she was right, since…Mama already had.

"But I expect my man to bring relationship skills to the table from the top."

By this time my buzz was pretty much gone. I just sat there thinking about what she'd said. I guess Zizes just wanted to put the bug in my ear, because that was the last thing she said about it.

"But for now," Zizes changed the subject. "You're hot and I'm enjoying being your Boo. So pucker up Puckerman!"

* * *

**Getting Closer…**

That whole conversation played in my damn head every time I saw Jones that week, and even through my hangover at school on Monday I noticed how right Zizes was. Mama was super fucking lonely without Kurt around. And it made sense for us to help each other out and shit. So I started sly-ways hanging out with her. I got Artie to invite me and Jones over to rehearse the Jamie Foxx song we were singing for Mr. Shue that week, since we were the three lead vocals. Afterward we played _Halo_, and Artie's hating ass kept bitching about how a Puckcedes team wasn't fair to him and his online partner. The three of us sounded really hot together, so I made sure to tell Mr. Shue in class that I thought we needed to be grouped together more often. Then Artie suggested we add more R&B numbers to our competition set list. Mama looked so happy to have somebody stand up for her and suggest she lead something the smile was jumping off her damn face.

When we sang that Ke$ha song at assembly I made sure to be the first one to compliment Mama on how hot she looked, too. I mean, Britt and Satan are always sexy as fuck. And Tina and Zizes both looked cute in the extra makeup and sparkly shit. Even Berry and Quinn put away their old-lady clothes and found some fucking skinny jeans to put on. But Mama in them ripped up jeans and off the shoulder shirt with her hair all wavy dancing sexy as fuck? Had me so fucked up, I wanted bite her. I wasn't the only one either…Artie kept kissing his way up and down her arm backstage after we drank all of Berry's leftover liquor. And Sam pulled Mama into his lap and pretended to put hickeys on her neck. I guess the booze made 'em brave.

I guess Mama must have had a good time working with me that week. Cause when Shuester and Ms. Holiday announced that we were gonna be doing sexy songs for our next assignment, Jones ran up to me and asked me to perform with her. Said everybody was going to be fighting to get a sex shark on their team, so she wanted to get her bid in first. I agreed. In the end, Mama and I decided to perform Prince's "When Doves Cry." We got Finn to come in on the drums, Artie brought out his synthesizer to give it this New-Wave type feel, and I took a crazy solo on my electric axe. Mama worked on arranging the vocals and insisted on dressing all of us for our performance. It wasn't too bad…we just got out those leather jackets from the mash-up sophomore year and wore 'em with jeans and boots. But Mama? Crazy fucking hot. She wore this bustier thing on top, like the picture from Rocky Horror, but without the fishnet undershirt. It was made outta this black suede-feeling material and showed off a LOT of tit-meat. She wearing a pencil skirt made from the same type of material; it wasn't short or anything-like it hit her right below the knees, but the thing had a foot-long slit up both sides. It would have showed off a lot of thigh, but Mama was wearing fishnets underneath. She also had on these Minnie-Mouse looking black shoes and changed her fake hair to look all wild and curly. It was like a damn lion's mane or something. And she had more makeup on than I'd ever seen her in…long ass fake eyelashes, bright red lipstick, and loud nail polish. I guess she was going for the whole Prince-era look; people in the eighties dressed pretty crazy…but it was completely hot.

Artie and Finn obviously couldn't do much in the way of choreography, so Jones basically spent the hot parts of the song eye-sexing me death while rubbing on my chest and singing directly into my ear. I honestly don't know how I managed to keep playing. Before the performance, when I realized how hot the shit was gonna be, I asked Zizes how she felt about me performing with Mama. She just replied that Jones had already told her how it was gonna go down and asked her if she'd minded. So I put the shit outta my mind. We performed and the class went wild. It was actually a pretty interesting week for me, since I managed to learn something, too. Some of that shit Rachel was going on and on about in Celibacy Club managed to stick in my brain. While I was listening to Berry yap away about what would happen when we all found somebody we loved enough to get naked with, it finally hit me that all the fucking in the world wasn't as much fun as just chillin with somebody you really like. I mean, I knew it obviously…I hadn't laid Zizes yet, but I was still into her, and never got far with Jones and dug her. But it never occurred to me that I should like all of my chicks that much until the meeting. So maybe I was growing the hell up.

When the New Directions started writing all our own songs for Regionals I got another hint at how fucking stupid my ass can be. I wrote what I thought was a romantic song about how good my lady's heart was, and sung that bitch in class. She didn't like it at all…I mean, in Glee Zizes was all "baby' you did good." But at her house after school? Zizes actually cried. I hurt her feelings again, but this time she was too into me to even get in my ass about it. While I apologized my nuts off, Zizes just kept blubbering about how I wasn't ever gonna be happy unless I started trying to be more like the lame ass dudes in Glee. Even brought up how Jones wasn't ever gonna get with me if she was scared I'd get up in class and sing songs about her body fat ratio. Told me that somebody nice was gonna swoop in and say some sweet ass words to Mama and that I'd be shit outta luck. It really hurt my feelings that Zizes would throw that in my face; but to be fair, I deserved it. That was actually the last time Zizes ever brought up the way she'd told me to holler at Jones after we broke up.

The next day, 'Cedes caught up to me and told me point blank that the next song I sang for Zizes better make up for hurting her feelings, or she'd nut-punch my ass. I guess she saw right thru Zizes' act. Mama explained that I shouldn't be serenading Zizes with songs about what I like best about her, since I'm not like most other dudes. The shit I like about my girl actually sounds like insults when I talk about it around other people, so mama advised me not to go there until I learn more about dating. Jones told me instead, I should sing shit about how Zizes makes me feel. She actually gave me some suggestions; said _Until the End of Time _by Timberlake would be good, or _They Don't Know _by Jon B. Then Mama told me that if I wasn't feeling doing a song about being in love with Zizes, that I could pick a sexy ass "I wanna fuck you" song and it would work, too… since I'm Duke Stud and all. In the end I went with an instumental version of _U Remind Me_, since Zizes loves Bieber so much, and I figured an Usher song wasn't too far off. I didnt actually sing the words, becasue I didnt want her to think I was comparing her to anybody else, but the fingerings and guitar riffs in that song are really involved, and I been giving Zizes guitar lessons since we hooked up. So she recognized how hard I worked to get the shit ready for her. She forgave me, and thanked me in a way I would never forget, but wont go into just yet. Right about then it occured to me that me, Mama, and Zizes were kind of having a three-way relationship. I mean, Jones was helping me treat Lauren right, and Lauren was fattening me up for possibility of getting with Mama sometime in the future. It was weird, and not my usual idea of a threesome, but the shit definitely worked.

* * *

**Even Closer…**

That's why I Zizes, Jones, and I were like the three musketeers that week of the benefit concert. I mean, damn; Shuster goes through all the trouble of actually coming up with a good idea for raising money-one that doesn't involve cupcakes or taffy... And what the hell is up with this dude and sweets, anyway? Doesn't he realize Americans are too fat and shit? But whatever, he comes up with the idea to do a concert and charge people, which would help New Directions get to Nationals and the Braniacs get to Detroit; only to let Berry's ass try and take over because she feels all "neglected." Fuck that…If I had my way we'd have dropped her ass from New Directions after she pulled that shit on Sunshine the first week of school. As far as I was concerned, we ain't need her ass…shit, we let her lead us all last year and didn't get past Regionals. We could have let one of the other girls take some of those songs, and had the added benefit of not having to deal with her crazy. So Berry needs to HOPE motherfuckers start neglecting her. Cause one of these days somebody's gonna notice her so much they'll kick her in the damn ovaries.

Zizes told me that 'Cedes was in "trying to keep the peace" mode while Berry bullied her into taking a less glamorous spot in the lineup. Then Sunshine wanted to come perform, which made Berry act like an even bigger bitch by putting Mama in the fucking middle. That loony-toons ass-head basically had everybody in the club begging her to let Sunshine perform…like she was the fucking faculty advisor. I swear, me and Zizes went to the arcade that night and came up with like, fifty ways we could disappear her ass without getting caught. Some of em might have actually worked. But anyway, when Berry finally "agreed" to share "her" spotlight, she did it in a way that would make Mercedes look like a bitch if she didn't take the loser spot. So that's what Mama did.

At the arcade, me and Zizes (in addition to coming up with ways of offing Berry's ass) planned to help 'Cedes get back at Berry. We decided that if Rachel was gonna demand to be the star of the concert, then we were going to make sure she worked for it. So we came up with a bunch of shit Rachel would have to get done if she wanted 'Cedes in "her" show. Since the humidifiers and green M&M's didn't get her nearly frazzled enough, Lauren told Berry that Mercedes wouldn't go on without a dedicated hair and makeup artist and that Shuester had to be kept at least a football field's distance from her while she performed. By the time Rachel realized Jones wasn't to be fucked with, Sunshine had quit and everybody knew we needed Mercedes more than ever. Sunshine sings like a Black chick, no way to sugar coat that. And without her there, we were gonna have to have some soul available for her Twitter followers to listen to...if they were still planning to come at all. So we all figured Jones would get the last spot. It didn't work, and the morning of the concert Rachel still hadn't found Mama's puppy …kept telling motherfuckers I was on it, which was complete bullshit. Everybody in Glee knew Mama wanted Rachel to do all her bidding, and I wasn't about to take her hardest job onboard. That was Berry's shit and she flaked, which was half the reason Mama ran like hell away from us when it was her turn to sing.

Rachel went to go get her outta her car or whatever, but the shit obviously didn't work. She eventually came back into the choir room and started to do her warm-ups, saying Mercedes wasn't coming. So I slipped out of the class room and went out into the rain to knock on the door to Mama's truck. She was looking down and didn't even bother to see who it was before yelling.

"Go away, Rachel…I'm still mad at you!"

"Mama, let my ass in!" I yelled. Shit, it was raining hard.

"Oh, Puck…" she unlocked the door. "It's you." I could tell Rachel had just done or said something to piss her off enough to go the hell home. I was curious so I asked her what it was.

"What the fuck did 'ole girl say?" I asked.

Mama took a deep breath before answering my question. "Well, first she tried to run some game on me about how Aretha Franklin didn't earn the title of 'Queen of Soul' by making ridiculous demands. Tried to make me feel guilty for everything we pulled this week. It was insulting as hell, especially when you see her 'demanding' shit all the time…like all the solos!"

"Yeah, and…" I knew that couldn't be all of it.

She eyeballed me and gave me this look that clearly said 'why does this fool know me so well?' and continued, "Then Rachel started in on how she deserves the spotlight more than I do, because she would rather be a star than have friends. Said trying to be cool with people was weak, and that a real star doesn't need people in her corner."

"Okay, is that all?" It still didn't add up to her not singing for us.

Mama rolled her eyes before she answered me with, "The last straw, Puck, was when Rachel basically admitted to me that she'd been planning to take the closing spot from Sunshine. Rachel had every intention of coming onstage right before the girl, and blowing her out of the water so she'd chicken out of singing. Berry was going to piss off 600 ticket-buying Twitter followers just so she could get the glory spot. I can't compete with that kind of crazy!"

"The hell?" I wasn't surprised, exactly…I was actually kind of impressed that Berry was smart enough to come up with that kind of plan. But I didn't tell Mama that. "Well, you know you can turn that shit right back around on her, right?"

"How…" She looked down. "I can't even beat her in classroom contests. Nobody comes to Glee functions to hear me sing."

Now it was my turn to roll my eyes at her. "Fuck that, Mama…You're the whole reason people come anywhere to hear us sing. You think Sunshine and Sam were bopping along to _Empire State of Mind _because they were impressed with Rachel's prissy ass dancing? Hell, no…they auditioned so they could get closer to your magical voice."

She smiled at me so I kept going. "And that _Rocky Horror _shit that never happened. Who in their right fucking minds would have come out to see Rachel's ass skipping around in a damn slip and pearls singing about the Frankenstein Place? Nah, any tickets sold for y'all's production would have been all down to you in that dominatrix shit going on about relieving some tension."

Then she laughed out loud. "See, even your laugh sounds better than her wailing and shit. So go in there and fuck Berry's closing number in the ass. That's your shit, Mama."

"You think so, for real Puck?"

"No doubt…come on." I remembered what Zizes told me about acting more gentlemanly and shit, so I ran around and opened her door and took her umbrella for her. Then I escorted Mama back to the entrance of the school. When we got there I remembered that only one of her demands hadn't actually been met, so I reminded her.

"Finn told me Berry got you your puppy, Mama; did she really?"

"Yeah, a toy one. It's pretty cute, too. Barks and nips at my ankles."

"What about your candy?"

"Yep, I put them in little baggies and took them to church for the children's choir rehearsal."

"And the humidifiers?"

"Donated them to the old folks home."

"I know you had somebody in to do your face and hair; looking mighty hot right about now, by the way. And Shuester's chasing Holly Holiday around. We met all your demands except one."

"You mean…"

I bent over and picked her up bridal style and started walking toward the choir room.

"…Puck, put me down. I'm heavy as hell, you're gonna throw your damn back out."

"Again, I say…fuck that shit, Mama. You know good and damn well I used to pick you up all the damn time in Glee numbers. Stop wiggling."

She quit struggling against me. "I guess your muscles aren't just for show, huh?"

"That's right, the Zilla's got guns. Get comfortable, Mama." So she just wrapped her arms around my neck and laid her head on my chest. When we got to the hallway just outside the classroom I put Jones down and kissed her hand before telling her to go knock 'em dead. Then I went to the auditorium. After everybody in Glee waived praise hands, and ugly-cryed over Mama's performance in that banging ass navy dress, it was obvious the concert was all the way over. So we all went back to the choir room and found out Ryerson had offered to pay the Nerd Squad's way to Detroit, all because he's a big Aretha Franklin-loving booty bandit. So in the end, it was Mama's solo that saved the day…and me and my girl helped make it happen.

* * *

**A/N: I really like this chapter...it came out exactly like I wanted it to, and I totally enjoyed typing every word. **

**The next one is going to concentrate on Puck's reaction to Samcedes, so it's important that everybody know what his mindset is. See, Puck is the type of guy who doesn't trust many people; but when somebody proves themselves to him, he's on their team for life. He digs Zizes, so he never questions her when she suggests he ought to be getting close to Mercedes. He's still not in love with her, doesn't even have a legit crush; at least, not that he's aware of. Puck's just not the type to argue with someone when he completely trusts their motives. So the next chapter or so will illustrate that part of his character.**

**Hope you like it!  
**


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: This chapter was really fun to write, too...I love writing scenes where somebody pisses PUck off enough for him to lay things out unapologetically and harshly. Rachel is just conceited and stubborn enough to assume that Puck's advice isn't worth taking. And the 'Zilla ain't feeling that. So have fun reading all about it!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Glee.**

* * *

**Helping Out, Zilla Style**

Knowing about my feelings for Mercedes, I suppose you're probably wondering what my reaction was when Samcedes first got started. See, most of our friends think sparks never flew between those two before Junior Prom…Berry loves to tell everybody who'll listen to her ass that she was responsible for Sam and 'Cedes getting together. But that's not the way it went down. Those two were on a collision course for each other long before then. So by the time they had their "magic moment" dancing together at prom, that shit was already in the cards. And in a way, I made that part happen.

See, when Santana dumped Sam in Glee rehearsal that day, I actually had a bigger reaction to the shit storm than just throwing up in my own mouth. I honestly took the time to pay attention to how Sam was affected by it; I knew how he felt since Satan had done me wrong in public once before too. Being humiliated like that sucks balls, and I wanted to make sure Sam knew he could talk to me about it if he wanted to. So after rehearsal I waited for him outside the choir room door.

Sam and Mercedes had sat beside each other that day, and they were the last ones out. I stood behind the door for about four minutes before I peeked in to see what the fuck they were taking so long for. Apparently, 'Cedes had taken advantage of the empty classroom so she could give Evans a big-ass hug. I've been on the receiving end of one of those hugs before, so I don't blame Trouty for holding on tight as hell. I watched them for another minute, then left them there to it. I was just glad somebody had Sam's back.

After that I started noticing those two together more often. It was pretty obvious to me that Jones had helped Evans learn the choreography to "Born This Way," since every time he made a misstep he looked over at her with this apologetic-ass face. I also kinda think they were doing their homework together during lunch. Because Evans pulled a B+ in English that term; and I'm not trying to be funny, but even I do better than he does in Lit class. Plus I was constantly catching Evans at Mama's locker, telling her jokes and shit between lunch and Glee. Truthfully, I got a little jealous of Evans every time Jones laughed out loud at whatever he was saying, cause usually she only giggles like that for me. Round that time those two started sitting together in Glee a lot, too.

I pretty much figured that Jones was trying to keep Evans company so he didn't let Satan get to him…her prom campaign was completely insane and in-your-face, so Sam couldn't have ignored it for shit. 'Cedes most likely wanted to keep Sam's mind off of Tana's mess. But Sam? He was falling hard for Lil Mama; that much was obvious, at least it was to me. Every time she slapped Sam's chest with the back of her hand while cackling out loud at his impressions, I caught him putting his own hand over the spot she'd just touched and shooting her these adoring ass looks. And whenever Mama laid one of those 'Cedes hugs on him, Sam held on like he was scared to let go. I caught his hands inching down toward that rump on more than one occasion too.

When the whole drama popped off about Sam getting caught at that motel with Kurt and Quinn, I got mad as hell. I could see that he was liking Jones, so I didn't understand why the fuck he was fooling around with those two for. If he swung both ways, or whatever, nobody in Glee was gonna judge him for it…so he really didn't have any reason other than ass-holery for breaking up two relationships just so he could get his dick wet. In my opinion, if he was having trouble choosing he could have just manned up and dated all three of 'em in the open without all the damn cheating and secrecy. That's why I went off in Glee that day. When we discovered how fucking wrong we all were, I made up my mind to make it up to Evans.

Right after we all found out about Sam's family living in the motel, I ran into Rachel bitching in front of her locker. She was spazzing out about having to go to the Prom alone. Since she's a fellow Jew, I decided to see if I could help.

"What's up Berry? Why you slamming lockers and shit?"

"Oh; hi, Noah…I'm just frustrated about Prom."

"What the hell for?"

"Well…" Then she stops pouting and exhales all loud and shit. "…I can't find a suitable date…"

I'm not sure who in the hell Berry thought she was fooling, I knew damn well that "suitable date" meant some poor motherfucker who she knew would make Finn jealous.

"…and there's no way Sam will reconsider my offer after what just happened in the choir room."

I knew her ass was selfish, but I didn't think she'd gone deaf or anything recently. So I tried to remind her that the whole damn world didn't revolve around her need to get over.

"You were listening just then when he told us about his family, right? Dude can't exactly spend money on tux rentals and corsages and shit right now."

"I realize that, Noah…but when I asked Sam to go with me earlier this week that wasn't his reason; he told me I wasn't his type. If that's the case, then he wouldn't go even if I paid for everything!"

I didn't say so, but I think she was probably right. Evans was all the time tripping me out with his Rachel impressions…He thinks she's bat-shit crazy.

"Then you need to sweeten the pot, Berry. Make it so he can't refuse. Hell, there's a girl in Glee that Evans is into; I bet if you two asked him together then he'd go."

"Who's that?" Berry asked, all insulted-like. Like dude didn't have any right to actually like another girl, when she needed to use his ass.

"Mercedes."

She got all affronted-looking, then told me, "Look, Puckerman, if what Sam said about me not being his type is true; then there's no way on earth that Mercedes is! Sam likes popular girls and Cheerios…While I can admit that I may not be well-liked at McKinley, even you can plainly see that I have more in common physically with Quinn and Santana than Mercedes does."

Since she was border-line insulting 'Cedes I let the polite (well, polite for me) portion of the talk come to a close so I could school this chick-Puck style.

"Okay, Jew-nose, lemme drop a little bit of knowledge in that selfish ass brain of yours…"

"Noah, there's no need to be insulti…"

"First of all…" I interrupted her. "…when Evans told you that you weren't his type he probably didn't mean anything about your looks or your popularity. That dude's had enough scary-ass mean girls on his jock, leading him around by the balls to last the rest of his motherfucking life. You're the biggest damn drama queen up in this place, and the Cheerios are the only girls at McKinley that have longer histories of manipulating motherfuckers than you do. And that's only because Quinn and Satan are on the damn squad. I can guaran-damn-tee you that my boy ain't checking for any of their asses any more than he wants yours…"

I smiled right then, cause I wanted to hurt her damn feelings for fucking with 'Cedes.

"…Plus, Evans is smart enough to not wanna get caught up in whatever 'gotta make Finn jealous' plan you've got cooking up in your demented ass brain, anyway."

She gave me this "how did he figure that out?" look and I raised my eyebrows to let her know she wasn't fooling anybody before I went on.

"Second, if you cared enough about your friends to actually pay attention to anybody other than yourself, then you'd realize that Jones and Evans have been kicking it hardcore for a minute now. See, you? You're not his friend, not for real…you're an acquaintance. But Sam and Mama are genuinely cool with each other. So he'd go out with her on a friendly date _way_ before going anywhere with you all alone. Basically, you need Jones on your side if you want this shit to happen."

It looked like she was finally listening to me, so I went ahead and laid the big guns out.

"Third, all the shit you're trying to imply about Jones' looks and Sam not being attracted to her? It's complete and total bullshit. He's been checking her out all year without even realizing he was doing the shit. I know; because every time I eyeball Mama's ass in Glee, I look over and catch Evans doing the same damn thing. And her chest? Watch Evans next time 'Cedes wears that white v-neck under her Technicolor zebra jacket. See if his eyes don't get stuck off in her cleavage. So trust me, he'd totally be down for letting her wiggle up against him all night long. Plus, what teenage boy is gonna say no to a 3 way date?" I finish.

"But the limo, corsages, pictures…How's Sam going to afford two dates? And it wont be any fun if we can't go out to eat!"

"Okay, that's your damn selfishness talking again. Quit trying to have a damn Disney Princess moment and just have fun! Me and Zizes ain't doing all that shit. She may have broke the bank getting a dress or whatever, but that's just because big-girl dresses are expensive, and my girl is running for Prom Queen. I got a dinner jacket and pants from the Goodwill and the shit is James Bond sexy. We went together to pick out flowers from the grocery store, and we're driving her mom's car to the Prom. All that other shit is unnecessary."

Talking to this chick is like fucking a brick wall…the shit is completely painful and unfulfilling as hell. I'm just gonna cut the damn chase so I can get the hell outta her goddamn vicinity.

"My point is this, you need to get together with Jones and figure out a budget for a simple fun evening. Then you better make sure you stick to that bitch. You two can loan him whatever you have to so he can do his part, but don't let it be any more than $10 or $15 apiece."

"I suppose if Sam's father is searching for a job then he must have a suit he can loan Sam. And we could probably all walk to Prom from Breadstixx," Rachel said, thoughtfully.

Took her ass long enough to catch the fucking train…

"There you go, Berry… don't say I never did anything for you!"

And I walked the hell away.

* * *

When Shuester started going on and on about us performing at the damn dance, and Berry ran her ass out after 'Cedes to console her or whatever, I knew what was going down. But then Sam asked Shue if his attendance was mandatory. I felt like he was gonna play the "poor-kid" card and beg off, so I told him if he needed a suit I'd loan him one…on the condition that he sing with Artie and me. By that time, I was so determined to do my boy a solid I would have rented a tux for his ass. And he agreed. Everybody acts like I don't know how to do shit in Glee but play the guitar and harmonize, but I helped Artie with the vocal arrangement for "Friday," and we both agreed that Sam's voice would kick ass on the last notes if he sang in his higher register. And it was completely sick in rehearsals…I remember thinking that Evans and Lil Mama might not ever be a couple, but they sure had that glory note shit in common.

I found out later on that Berry and 'Cedes asked him to the dance and he jumped on the chance with the quickness. All us Glee boys were over at the Hummel-Hudson's playing video games when Artie's jealous ass begged Evans to give him one of his dates.

"Hey Trouty, come over here; I got something I wanna ask you on the low…" Artie started. We were all eating snacks and waiting for Finn to load a new game.

"What is it, man?" Sam asked, bending down.

"This is, motherfucker…" Artie slapped Bieber-Boy upside his damn head as hard as he could. The rest of us fell on the damn floor laughing at his ass.

"What the hell, dude?" Evans looked pissed. "Do you have a reason for smacking me or is it Asshole-In-A-Wheelchair Day at McKinley?"

"Whatevs Blondie…" Artie looked completely un-sorry for the shit. "You deserve that shit. Your ass has been watching me make a fool outta myself all damn week trying to get Britt to go with me to Prom. You were even there when I serenaded her and she shut me down. Now you come up in here bragging that you got TWO dates?"

Mike decided to be funny and pick on Artie. "Well, A-Team, maybe if you had picked a song that wasn't about a baby being born…"

Sam rubbed the back of his head and nodded while me and Finn were still rolling. Wheels just flipped Mike the bird and kept fucking with Evans.

"I'm saying, man…what's the what?" He looked pretty dejected and shit. "Share the wealth!"

"You wanna take one of my dates to the Prom?" Blondie asked. I could tell he didn't wanna tell the world about the 3-way budget they were sticking to. "But we're just going as friends…If one of 'em is missing the whole thing'll get awkward."

"Not if we're _all_ going as friends…" Artie argued. "…look, I'm not gonna try and get it in with one of your honeys. I just want somebody to dance with me and come and take pictures on my lap."

I could tell Sam had probably decided to just tell Artie about the budget and shit when the rest of us weren't around. He just told him, "If the girls are okay with it, I'm okay with it. But…"

"You take Rachel," they both said together.

That shit was completely hilarious. Well, it was to me and Mike; didn't seem funny to Finn, though.

"What's wrong with Rachel" he asked, and the same time Artie and Sam faced off again saying shit like "Hell, no…" and "No way…" and "What-the-hell ever…" and my personal favorite..."Do I_ look_ like a crack-head?"

I decided to defuse. "Finn…" I started. "…It's probably nothing personal.. Ain't nothing wrong with your ex; she's just not everybody's taste. And both of these dudes probably just wanna be up on 'Cedes when she starts shaking and shit at the Prom."

I looked at both of 'em to see their reactions. Sam had turned pink and his ears looked fucking hot. Artie was averting his eyes while trying to hide a sinister-ass smile.

"Well, I can admit that I'd love to be boob-level and Mercedes-adjacent when she starts doing that little wiggle/giggle thing she's so good at. Bonus points if the dress is low cut," Artie admitted. The little freak.

Sam avoided making any comments on dancing with 'Cedes, but he added, "Well I have enough drama going on in my life without Rachel trying to use me to make Finn jealous. She asked me already, and I turned her down. Plus, I like Mercy better…"

_Playing the homeless card…nice._

"…I'm gonna decline your offer, Artie. You're welcome to dance with whichever of my dates I don't happen to be cutting a rug with, but I need 'Cedes around if I'm gonna escort Rachel."

* * *

**Beautiful Beginning**

So they went together, Rachel decided to bring Jesse St. College Dropout, too; and Sam got to spend the whole night having a fake date with 'Cedes. See, I know all about stealth dating…some dudes will hang out with a girl on the regular and pretend to be their friend, while all the time laying the damn groundwork for a relationship. One day they're just chilling, the next thing you know some sexy shit pops off. Their friends all look up one day and realize they're making out in public, thinking, "what the fuck?" Sam was in full woo-mode that night and Jones was completely fucking clueless about it. Well, she was clueless until Evans finally grew a pair and asked her to dance. I caught the two of 'em dancing as Rachel stood in front of her damn microphone caterwauling at Finn for dating Quinn while he was still into her. Jones and Evans were swaying side to side, with of her hands around his neck and the other one placed on his chest. He had his hand over that one and the other wrapped around her waist like his favorite teddy bear or something. Their foreheads were touching and I saw a bunch of whispered words being said back and forth. Then right before the song ended they shared a really quick kiss. At the time I was dancing with Zizes, so I didn't feel as much jealousy as you'd think; but I didn't exactly wanna see it either.

After Prom, I saw a bunch of little signs here and there that Sam and Mercedes were together but keeping the shit a secret from everybody. I saw Sam sneak up into the balcony when Mercedes and the Fairy and Berry and Tana all auditioned for a solo at Nationals. And I heard she sang a song about tenderness or something, so it's a pretty good bet she was directing that shit into the rafters for her man to hear. And when we were rehearsing and making decorations for Sylvester's sister's funeral? Sam and Mercedes showed up together every evening and left at the same time too. She must have been his ride. Same thing at the service. But instead of sitting together like a couple, though, they sat a few seats apart. Afterward, I heard Finn broke up with Quinn for Rachel- again. Tina told Zizes the first thing Que did was try to hook back up with Evans, but he shut her ass down quick. Everybody just assumed he was focusing on being poor or whatever. But I knew he was on the DL with 'Cedes.

I guess I understood it…having motherfuckers all up in your shit all the time blows chunks. And I know when Jones used to fake date me every chick in Glee got up in her grill trying to give her "advice." Add that to Evans' family situation and relationship history…I could see why they wanted to keep shit hush-hush. But it was real hard seeing them get so close and knowing I was the only who saw it happening. I was at least hoping Lauren would get it, so she and I could maybe talk about what this meant for us, but she never did.

Sam and Mercedes must have decided they could be a little bit more bold in New York. They sat next to each other every time we went out to eat, and were on the bed together when Britt sang her cup song. Then when we snuck out of the room to go find inspiration for songwriting, they were walking, sitting, and running beside each other the whole time. I was the only one who noticed, since all of our friends are a bunch of narcissistic little pricks. But I saw 'em. Then we dudes all serenaded Berry for Finn, and went back to the hotel room to console him; Evans ran his ass in the opposite direction, talking about he was gonna go return Kurt's iPod. But then he didn't come back for like, forty minutes. And don't get me started on the hug after we performed. I didn't have much time to notice any more lovey-dovey stuff, because I was busy trying to get some private time in with Lauren and see the sights myself, but those two turned NYC into their own private romance bubble, for sure.

When we got back to Lima, I made up my mind to put Samcedes outta my head and concentrate on my relationship with Zizes. So I just ignored them. We brought our little trophy back to the choir room, and sang at the graduation ceremony, then had our celebratory Glee party on the last day of classes. Then summer started and we all went our separate ways.

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**A/N: The next chapter is gonna be about the summer between S2 and S3...then we'll get another jump back to the present. I hope you guys are feeling a little bit of Puck/ND interaction...cause there's gonna be plenty of it.  
**

**Hope you enjoy!**


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: Okay, remember when I had Puck give Sam a little bit of hard truth in Perfect Attendance? And back in Chapter 9 when I had him go off on Rachel? Well, he ain't done yet. People always underestimate the 'Zilla and he's not about letting people pacify or patronize him. Sam, you betta listen...**

**Thank you Illiandyandra! You're the original Miss-Fast-Turnaround...I totally appreciate your input and encouragement.  
**

**Disclaimer: I don't own these characters or the show they appear on.**

* * *

**Hard Truths**

I'm gonna just start describing my summer by saying that it was another fucking piss-fest. I don't know if it's because of all the fucked up things I do, like Karma coming for me; or if I'm just unlucky as hell…but every summer-since that one where the MILF taught me how to fuck- has been all kinds of assed up. The first thing to go wrong was when Zizes dumped me. I know, I was given fair warning, so I shoulda been on the lookout for it to happen; but Zizes caught me off guard. See, right around the time Sam started sniffing around 'Cedes, Lauren made me go with her to the free clinic for this seminar on safe sex. It was redundant as hell; basically all the same shit you learn at school in health class about safe sex and STDs. But at the end, we all got tested for HIV, and the counselors gave us these goody bags full of rubbers and dental dams and rubber gloves and shit. The grab-bag alone made the class worth the three hours it took to get outta there. But even better than that part; was that fact that when our tests came back negative, Zizes told me she was gonna let me hit it. We talked first, about all the people each one of us had ever fucked or sucked. And she made me tell her the names of all the chicks I'd ever hit raw besides Quinn. But then she cut the lights off, stripped down to her birthday suit, and told me to "get naked."

Zizes was seriously the best thing to ever happen to my dick at that point in my life; she had me completely fucking pussy-whipped, and I ain't even ashamed to admit to it. She'd do this backward ride-em cowboy shit that made my damn toes curl and my teeth chatter. And my ex may not have the type of body that most of my boys go for, but she was confident as hell; walked around naked like she ain't have any damn shame. So when she rode me backwards I got to watch her bare ass roll and grind while she slid up and down on my cock. And it was so fucking sexy I couldn't get enough. When you also consider how much strengh my baby had in them jiggly ass thighs, and the fact that she had the sex drive of ten or fifteen rabbits... I was pretty much convinced that getting it in with Zizes was my special karmic reward for being less of a dick junior year.

Anyway, we'd been fucking for about month when Zizes came over and told me the end had come. Lauren had been kicking it with that dude on the hockey team she had a crush on, and I guess he liked her back. So she was gonna get with him. She gave me a seriously hot goodbye fuck that made me sad as hell, since I couldn't look forward to a whole summer of it. Right before she left my room Lauren asked me if I was okay, and whether I knew what I was gonna do next. I knew she wanted to know if I was gonna go try to get with Jones. I didn't tell her 'Cedes was sneaking around with Sam at the time; instead I just nodded while she looked happy for me. Then she bounced. Shit fucked me up for a minute.

The second thing to fuck with my emotions the summer before senior year was Evans' relationship with Jones. I already told you that those two were keeping shit on the hush and letting it stay a secret from the Glee folks. But Sam must be a better Double-0 secret spy than I gave 'em credit for. Cause he came over one Friday night after Zizes dumped me to spend the night and told me he knew I had already figured it out. I congratulated Evans and told him I'd keep his secret, and from that point on dude made a habit of picking my brain every time something was keeping him up at night. I mean, I'm okay with giving friendly advice to my homies, as long as we don't let the shit get all Lifetime Movie Network or whatever. But at the time I was still hurting from losing Zizes, and every time he mentioned his girl, it reminded me what MY ex had said about me getting with her. In a way, I really resented Evans for swooping in on Jones when I kind of expected her to be available for me. And trust me, I know how seriously fucked up that was.

So I got a whole summer worth of TMI from Evans about his relationship with Jones. Mostly dude just came over and we played video games and he'd bring shit up if something crossed his mind. I don't even think Trouty was really looking for any advice, most likely he just wanted a sounding board. I got it, though…His relationship was a secret, so he would shoot the shit with the only other person who knew about it. But there were a few times where something bothered Sam so much he actually turned the PS3 off and asked me if I had a minute to talk. Those were the times when I learned way too much about Samcedes.

Like the day Trouty was all fucked up about this fight he and 'Cedes had about telling everybody they were together. It didn't break 'em up or nothing, but he'd been giving Jones the silent treatment a couple of days, because he felt like she was ashamed of their relationship or something. I guess, intellectually he knew Mama wasn't like that; but the secrecy was fucking his head up. That day I had to dish out some hard truths…I told Evans that he was having this problem partly because of me. Explained to him how me and Jones dated for fake way back when, so I could be popular. Then I told him it was also kinda his fault too, since he was just as guilty for dating Quinn and Satan to boost his rep. It looked like he was soaking up what I was dishing out, so I decided to let Evans know what I really thought the problem was.

"Look, Evans…I get it. You don't understand why Jones ain't feeling puttin your shit on front street. She's the coolest chick at McKinley; and if mother-fuckers would stop comparing her to the damn Cheerios, they'd see she's the sexiest girl at school."

Then Bieber-Head narrowed his eyes and hit me with that look he always gets right before he starts shoving motherfuckers. So I started talking faster to head his ass off.

"So I can feel you wanting to claim your lady and be out in the open. But Jones ain't the type of girl to enjoy the kind of attention she'd get as your public girlfriend. So she's trying to keep the shit between just you two."

"What do you mean, 'the kind of attention she'd get as my girl'?"

"Like Cheeri-hoes trying to steal you away from her," I shot at him. "Like Adams and Rashad getting in her ass about dating a non-Black Titan. Like bitches hating on her for not looking like your exes. Jew-Fro doing a damn expose in the Muckraker." I counted them off on my fingers so he'd know just how deep her fear probably was.

"But Mercy…" It kinda fucked me up every time he called her that, since it was such a familiar sounding nickname. I guess he probably can't stand me calling her "Mama," either. "…is the sexiest girl I ever dated, hands down! I mean, every time she looks at me with her big brown eyes through those long eyelashes or kisses me or runs her hands through my hair I completely lose my shit. My exes ain't got dick on her!" Sam got really loud, like he was trying to convince me or something. He shouldn't have bothered, cause I remember that shit myself.

The next thing I said was my way of helping him out by being selfless...and I gotta say, sometimes being a good friend sucks ass.

"I get it Trouty, believe me. But you're kinda new to this dating stuff," I told him, remembering how he once told me Quinn was his first actual girlfriend. "And the only two chicks you ever went out with were cocky as hell. So you're not used to all the different ways girls tell you they're feeling insecure and shit. Jones ain't like them…She might own her particular brand of sexy, and believe she's hot or whatever. But your girl's not sure she's sexy enough for your blonde, muscular, football-playing ass. That's probably what's behind all the secrecy."

"So how the hell do I convince her?" Sam asked, kinda frustrated.

"You gotta show her. Trust me; I know from experience that Jones won't believe that you really think her booty is sexy, until she's had to swat your hand away from it a few times."

He kinda gave me this look that let me know he was thinking about me feeling all on that rump, so I quit talking about it with the quickness.

"And her tits? I know 'ole girl's been wearing some sexy ass sundresses and shit this summer. If I was you she'd be fighting to keep my tongue outta her cleavage on the daily."

"Puckerman," Evans started. "If you think for one min…"

"And her mouth is sexy as fuck," I went on. "But she ain't gonna believe YOU think it's sexy till you tell her you been dreaming about her wrapping it around your…"

"Okay, asshole…I get it," Dude shut me up. I shook my head to get the mental image I'd been chewing on outta my brain, while Evans kept talking. "But that's not me, Puck. I was raised to be more respectful than that."

"I believe you, and look where the hell that's gotten you." I muttered.

"Huh?"

"Okay, Evans…time for some straight talk here."

"Straighter than the talk we've been having?" he interrupted me.

I just ignored his bullshit. "I'm pretty sure you and the rest of the New Directions think my ass is too dumb or possibly too conceited to pay attention to all the drama going on in that piece, unless it involves me directly. But I've been observing you making mistakes with those two exes of yours since I got out of Juvie. And most of its been fucking painful to watch. First of all there's Quinn. You let my baby mama lead you around like a damn puppy for weeks; flirting with you, telling you how hot she thought you were, giving you hope. But every time somebody asked if you two were a couple or just assumed you were; she made sure to set their asses straight. So you were running around being faithful to a chick who was denying you every damn day…you even bought her ass a ring! It wasn't until you went off on Karofsky for Kurt and had the whole Glee Club patting you on the back that she finally agreed to be your girl. So Quinn gets to have a hot boyfriend; not the QB, but still on the team…chasing after her, carrying her books to class, holding her doors open and shit, while you make her feel good about herself. She's the Barbie to your Ken, knowing whole time that you're more into her than she is into you."

Sam looked kind of ashamed that I'd noticed how sprung Quinn had him, but I shot him a look to say "it happens to the best of us," and kept going.

"So you're without a doubt the best boyfriend Quinn ever had, right? And she trusts you, 'cause you're not the type to try to talk her outta her panties; so everything's all good. But she's still all about popularity stakes, and you're not the BMOC anymore, Finn is. So what does she do? Let's Finn talk her into cheating on you the same way she cheated on him with me. And Finn's jealous of you, so he uses that as an excuse to pay the douche-baggery I inflicted on him forward. Trust me, I get it from his point of view…since that's half the reason I did the shit to him. But you didn't deserve to get left standing there with all the hurt feelings or whatever."

Sam nodded.

"So then you get with Satan. And she's not even trying to convince you that she's in love…In fact, Tana probably told you straight out she was just using you to hurt Quinn. And you just say 'fuck it;' it might be worth having a meaningless relationship to get some face time with the twins and show Quinn she wasn't about shit. So you and Satan have fun or whatever…you sit together in Glee and make Que crazy; make out all the time. She's a bitch, but you figure you can deal with a few hurt feelings in the interest of revenge. The whole time though, you're still letting that perfect gentleman bullshit fuck you up. Cause Satan's still fucking Britt on the regular; ole girl finally realized she honestly prefers clits to dicks. So while Sammy's at home playing on the X-Box…

Then I wondered something. "...Wait, did you still have an X-Box when you and Satan went out?"

Sam shot me a dirty look…and also the bird, but he nodded his answer.

"Cool. So you were spending all your time playing video games, but Tana's down at Britt's every afternoon getting her rocks off. Santana knows you're not gonna insist she put out for you like she did every other dude in school. So she gets to have her Sam cake and still eat pussy, too. Win-Win for Satan."

Evans looks kinda flabbergasted that I knew he wasn't hitting that…but I'm a sex shark. I can smell frosty balls.

"Then she pulls that shit with Karofsky, and you don't even go off! Any other dude in school would a called her every kind bitch and hoe in the world and beat ole boy's ass. But you didn't, just sat in Glee that day looking butt-hurt. If you hadn't been so damn noble, the shit may have played out different!"

"So I'm supposed to just forget my home training?"

"No..." I told him, since I know how serious these Southern dudes are about respecting womankind or whatever. "...it's just that you didn't stop to consider the fact that not every chick deserves to be treated like a lady. You should think a little bit more about that. And the ones who do…Like 'Cedes? They're still young, and most girls our age are still at least partially turned on by bad boys. Even the ones that dig on romantic gestures and good manners and shit in public want a little bit of a roughneck in private. So instead of concentrating being a Southern gentleman, you need to let your inner good 'ol boy out…get a little bit Brody in this bitch."

"I don't think…"

"Evans," I interrupted. "Can you look me in the eye and honestly tell me you ain't itching to meet some of that pretty brown skin face to face?"

He turned beet red, but shook his head "no."

"And you'd never pressure her for more than she was ready to give you, right?" I had to make sure his inner good 'ol boy wasn't a date rapist, too.

He shook his head again.

"So show your appreciation and let her see how much you want her. I can guarantee…it ain't gonna piss Jones off. It'll make her more comfortable being your girl, if anything."

"I guess I'll think about it, Puckerman."

"See that you do."

We didn't talk about that shit again, but I know he took my advice. The second time Evans came to me wanting to talk about his relationship was this time he showed up not long after he and Jones came out to everybody. It was completely crazy the way old boy marked Mercedes as his territory…They probably could have just sent a mass text out and answered a few calls to let us all know what was up, but that wasn't Evans' style at all. That dude spent 24 hours tweeting nonstop, like his name was Rachel freakin Berry. Every time Jones left the room, came back in the room, had a snack, made up her bed, picked up a remote, looked for her shoes, played Angry Birds, started her car, or washed a damn dish; Evans was posting that shit on Twitter. I'm pretty sure she went upside his head to keep him from posting anything about when she peed or whatever. It was definitely a bit much, but it _did _get the job done. Dude had Jones on lock, and the whole clique knew about it. Anyway, that was the day I knew he and Jones weren't satisfied with rounding the bases and playing around with each other. By that time, those two were breaking fucking headboards.

I can always tell when dude starts getting some pussy; it's like my own version of Spidey Sense or something. It's all about comparing the way a dude acts before he gets some, to how he acts after he hits it. And I make a study of seeing which parts of a guy's personality are a result of blue balls. Like, those ADD-type mother-fuckers at school who never sit still and are always running their fucking mouths. You've seen 'em, they're the type of kids teachers can't stand to have in their classes cause they get on everybody's nerves so bad. Jew-Fro's a good example. Most of the times even the damn student population can't stand their asses. Then, all of a sudden, they get all mellow and start making good grades and stuff. All that jittery bullshit was basically just nervous horny energy. Or the dudes who sniff up behind chicks all the time and can't get any of the ones he's really digging to give him the time of day. Then he gets lonely, or lowers his standards or something, and goes out with a lame chick that's really into him. After nerd-girl gives him some nookie, all of a sudden 'ole dude got all kinds of game. He develops some swagger, finally, since his thirstiness was all icy balls. Evans sort of fits into that last category, except he never settled for 'Cedes. He just never really saw her before since his head was so full of bullshit. Anyway, dude was a lot more comfortable in his own skin after he finally laid the pipe. His southern accent was so thick I barely understood his ass sometimes. And he quit staring in the damn mirror pinching his nonexistent body fat while cursing his favorite foods, too.

That was the day Guppy came over telling me his family was moving, and he didn't want to leave Jones because he was in love with her. I was actually pretty shocked that their thing was that serious. I mean, I knew if Jones was putting out, she had to be at least somewhat in love with Evans; but I was putting the shit into the "Summer Love" category. Like, some fall-fast-when-it's-hot-outside-then-drift-apart-when-the-tempurature-drops kinda shit. But I was wrong; this was some sho-nuff, for real, forever kinda love. Evans was crying his ass off and bitching about his parents fucking everything in his life up. Talking about how he was alright working his ass off to pay for shit, and living in a motel with a damn pimp next door if it meant he could stay with Jones. Shit broke my damn heart.

I tried to ask him what happened when he told Jones, but he just lay on my bed blubbering. Then I kicked him in the ass and forced him to sit up and answer me. Dude told me he and Lil Mama were planning to try the long distance thing, but he was worried he'd fuck it up. They'd been having an on-again off-again argument for a few weeks because this dude at her church was testing Sam's patience by sly-ways trying to hit on 'Cedes. Evans went on and on about how hard he'd been trying to help his girl work on her self-confidence, but she still didn't think ole boy had the hots for her. She kept insisting that the guy, Tinsley, was just a friend and that Sam's jealousy was bullshit. And Sam could tell what was up. He knew the deal, cause every girlfriend he'd ever had was hot as hell on top of being a cheater. So Sam knew the feeling of another guy's eyes on his woman all too well. He saw the fuckery all over Tinsley's face and wasn't shy about letting the motherfucker know he was onto him. So every time Sam went off, Cedes defended the guy. It was getting to be a thing.

I just tried my best to reassure him and reminded Sam that Mama loved him. Even got graphic about it and told him he wasn't as slick as he thought he was and that I could tell he and 'Cedes were banging like the screen door in a hurricane. I also reminded him that Tinsley might be getting some friendly-time in between classes with Jones, once school started; but Evans was the only one getting any face-time in between her legs. So he had plenty of reason to believe his relationship was solid. Shit, most of the girls I know end up falling deep in love with whoever-the-hell pops their damn cherry, anyway; it's like some kind of law of nature. In the end I even suggested Sam go work them Trouty lips on Mama's southern ones by way of apology before she got too mad. He shot me a glare, but ran his ass outta my room like his dick was on fire. I guess he was taking my advice.

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**So What Else Is Going On...**

When I wasn't playing Oprah or getting dumped, I spent the summer trying to make up for all the shit I pulled the one before. I worked a lot, driving anywhere and everywhere I could get a pool cleaning gig to make extra money. I was saving up...a few things had crossed my mind that would require some cash in the long term and I wanted to be ready for 'em. Like my post-grad plans. In the back of my mind, I always knew I wanted to leave Ohio when I got my diploma. That time Quinn called me a Lima Loser kinda fucked with my head, and I definitely didn't wanna be that guy. Old ass motherfuckers buying booze for high school kids and pumping gas for a living? There're plenty of them around here, already, and I wasn't trying to add to the number. I started putting a few hundred back every month, just so I'd have the option of moving some day. I didn't know where I wanted to go or what I was planning on doing, but my fear was enough motivation to at least start socking dough away.

And in the back of my mind, I always figured I might want to do something big for Beth...so she'd know her birth dad hadn't forgotten about her. I mean, the adoption was open, and my Moms had taken on the job of sending Shelby pictures of the Puckerman side of Beth's birth family. So I knew if Babygirl and me ran into each other one day in the future she'd probably recognize me. But I kept having these fucking nightmares where a grown-up Beth was up in therapy telling some shrink she was unhappy because her Daddy never gave a fuck about her. Or ones where she got pregnant at 16 trying to find a man to replace the one she never knew. Or the absolute worst, Beth asking some teacher or her pastor to give her away at her wedding because her "Biological Didn't Bother." I was gonna nip all that shit in the bud by making sure I put a percentage of every dollar I made into my "Beth Fund." I figure by the time she was 18, it would be pretty fat. Then she could use it for college, or move to her big dream city, or shit...throw a damn party. Either way, she'd know it came from me. And that I was thinking about her.

Thinking about Beth all grown up forced me to take a look at Michelle, too. I remembered from Juvie how many of the guys in our group sessions kept jawing about their little sisters having babies at 13 and 14; and a lot of the time the daddies were old as fuck. They talked about how growing up without fathers and shit made the chicks look for that strong male influence everywhere they went; up until some creeper finally took unfair advantage. I couldn't do very much about getting my Pops to come be a Daddy to Michelle, but I could for damn sure let her know she had me in his place. So I took total control over my little sister's social life that summer. She's twelve, and sort of into a bunch of girly shit I never understood. But I got as involved as I possibly could. Every time one of her little buddies threw a sleepover? I was the one dropping her off and making sure the parents were gonna be around the whole time. Every time she wanted to meet her friends at the mall and hang out? Noah was right there, making sure the wrong eyes weren't on 'em. Michelle made all this noise about not needing a babysitter, but she was just fucking with me. I knew she thought it was cool to hang out with her big bro. Plus all her friends were damn near in love with the 'Zilla, so I never even needed to wangle an invite. My ass was always welcome. I made sure to do all the drop offs and pick-ups too, whenever she had any pre-teen shit going on at synagogue. Even took her with me a couple of times to my pool jobs. I just wanted Michelle to understand that she had a man to talk to about things; somebody around to help her learn the stuff our Pops never taught her. That way she wouldn't fall into that fucked up Daddy fixation shit.

Aside from that stuff, I pretty much just chilled. I worked out a lot, tried to make time to do shit with my Moms so she'd start trusting me again. At one point I tried to rally everybody in Glee together, because I was worried my Babymama was going off the rails. She was all tramp stamps and pink hair and Marlboro Lights that summer, and I figured the homies could help me set her straight. Didn't work though. I made sure to check in on Jones once or twice a week, too. She seemed really sad, and lonelier than ever since Evans left. I could definitely relate, cause I was on some self-imposed solitude kick myself. Most nights I just played video games and watched movies alone, and the only other time I really socialized was if somebody popped up over here. Looking back, I guess I might have been sort of depressed or some shit. I don't know if Zizes dumping me caused some of my melancholy, or if maybe it was just growing pains...but the only time I was happy was in my damn sleep.

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**Sweet Dreams**

That's right; I started having freek-a-deek dreams about Mama again that summer. Not every night or anything, maybe once or twice a week...and every time I saw her, of course. But without Quinn's ass there, I could actually stay asleep long enough to see how the motherfuckers ended. And that shit ended hot and sweaty every damn time. Most of my dreams took place right there in my own bed. Mama and me would be napping, watching TV, or maybe just lying around talking. We'd start making out; nothing heavy, just kissing and touching each other. Then usually she'd start playing with the nipple ring I ain't have anymore or running her hands underneath my shirt to stroke my abs. Then we both would get topless; Dream Mama was all about the sexy strip-tease. I'd find an excuse to wrap my arms around her as tight as I could, 'cause Dream Me was a complete cuddle whore. Then I'd start leaving hickeys all over her sexy body. I'm pretty sure I can just about guess what Mama's skin tastes like, since I know how she smells and my dream-self attacked her like she was an ice cream cone every couple of nights. By the time I made my way to her tits, Mama'd be whimpering with her legs wrapped all the way around my waist. Obviously, we'd get naked; cause, what would be the point otherwise? And of course Dream Me was all about getting Mama off using whatever means necessary. That wasn't anything new. But what _was_ new was the fact that Dream Mama would always turn the tables on me. At some point in all my summer dreams, Mercedes would make sure to go all Zizes on me, do this boss ass wrestling hold, and flip me the fuck over. In reality that shit would probably make me feel like a pussy, but I completely dug it while I was sleeping. Then she'd drape her soft body all over mine and use the whole thing to completely turn me into her bitch. Sometimes she'd use her tatas to titty fuck me to death. Other times she'd slide my cock in between her thighs and dry fuck me naked. Once or twice she used her sexy little mouth and hands to make me blabber and wail. But every single time Mama got the last word...and the last word was always me screaming obscenities mixed with various Yiddish phrases.

I felt really guilty, obviously, knowing I was dreaming of my boy's girlfriend every night. But I didn't feel guilty enough to stop sleeping. And I actually took a little time to try to figure out why I was doing the shit. I mean, obviously I considered the possibility of me actually being in love with Jones, and fixating or whatever on her in my sleep. But I eventually just convinced myself that I liked the chick as a person, and dug on her looks. Plus, my ex had put all this shit in my head about getting with her someday, and the idea had taken root. I probably could have found another chick to screw silly that summer and tried to get the shit outta my head, but Zizes taught me a huge lesson in sex being better when you like a chick. So I just let my dreams and my right hand be my only sex life.

By the time Senior year started, I was pretty much heavily invested in trying to keep my head on straight at all times. I had ambitions, and even some tentative plans…and I was looking forward to making the shit happen. Plus, I knew I wasn't the biggest fuck-up in Glee anymore, if Quinn was anything to go by. That shit was a serious confidence booster. When the first day of school rolled around I was real excited about starting a new era. If I'd have known what all was in store for me though, I probably would have switched fucking school districts.

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**A/N: The next chapter will come back to the present, because I like to check in on my couple after every summer break. It will heavily be based on the Thanksgiving/Sectionals episode of S4 with variations from canon as needed. I hope you like it!**


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: Yayyy! An update! **

**Took me long enough, right?**

**I'm so sorry, y'all. I knew what I wanted to do with this chapter, but I needed to puzzle some things out about how my later chapters will work while trying to still work some canon elements into it. I figured it out, and my updates should be more regular now. Sorry again. I hate making Puckcedians wait.**

**Also, I got sidetracked writing **_**Prom Night**_**. If you guys are interested in some Puckcedes smut, check out Chapter 2... It may inspire some forgiveness in you.**

**Anywho, this chapter takes place in the same week as the S4 episode Thanksgiving. It describes Puck and Mercedes road trip, and all of the Glee drama Mr. 'Zilla witnessed. **

**Thank you so much to ShaLoveD30, LudaNeet, LadiJ, desireelovesyou27, erchills, cmpunkfangurl, and Goalihta-Leigh for reviewing since my last update. I appreciate all of your loyalty and patience. **

**Also, thank you Illiandyandra for helping me out with this chapter. Any readers who loved the Puck/Sam confrontation have her to thank for the inspiration. And the quick turn-around? ALL HAIL!  
**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Glee or the songs mentioned in this chapter.**

* * *

**Doing Better…**

You know, after Junior year, I honestly don't believe I was ever the huge asshole I used to be again. At least, not on the same level. I was still doing stuff and saying things to people that I probably shouldn't have, but even then I realized I was wrong afterward. Sometimes I even apologized for the shit. And if I take a minute to think about it, I can actually _see _the different ways my attitude was changing. I mean, at least I was starting to think about the people around me before I did any dumb shit. And at the time, I had been letting a couple of girls I dug and respected kick my ass and make me change how I treated people. So I did. But I also know some of my growth was because of how alone and shit I felt that summer. Don't get me wrong, it was completely self-inflicted; but I finally understood all that junk Zizes used to spout off about Jones feeling left out of things. And it made me real sensitive to that kinda shit in other people.

* * *

**Road Trip**

Take for instance, the road trip me and Mama took back to Lima for Thanksgiving. We knew we could have gotten a deal on plane fare if we'd have planned in advance or whatever, and bus tickets were cheap as hell too. But we decided that driving in together would be fun, plus I figured we'd use the time in Mama's truck to talk. She seemed like she needed it, anyway.

We left LA the Saturday before Sectionals, since Jones had the whole week off from work and I'd finished a few big pool jobs the day before and was able to get away. The two of us figured we could eat breakfast everyday, drive until lunchtime, get out and switch drivers, drive some more, then find a hotel somewhere for the nigh. The trip was over 2200 miles long, and would take somewhere in the neighborhood of 36 hours to finish, so we planned on being in Lima sometime Monday afternoon with the breaks and shit. That day I got up at 4am, took a jog around the block, and came back to the condo with breakfast so we could hit the road by 5.

I drove first. Mama and me had fun on Saturday. She was packing snacks and putting shit on her iPod for us to listen to while I was out, so we were ready to get the fuck outta there right after we ate. On the road I was shocked to find out that my girl liked most of my favorite songs. She's into R&B big-time, and she likes gospel music too. Everybody knows that shit. But even though she used to call me "Mr. Top 40," I found out Jones' "Pucky" play list had a hell of a lot of stuff on it that we were both into. Mama loved Bowie…knew all the words to _Space Odyssey _and _Under Pressure. _And she had a whole hour of Queen songs downloaded, too. At one point, Mama was singing _We Will Rock You _so good I had to take my eyes off the road to stare at her for a second, plus the two of us laid some kick-ass harmonies out when we sang _We Are the Champions _together. She had some AC/DC going on, and all the old-ass hair bands I love. We sang and joked our asses off for pretty much the whole time I drove.

We stopped somewhere in Arizona around 11 -Lawrence Crossings I think- which was like, 470 miles from LA. I patted myself on the back for making such good time; hell, I got us there in less than six hours. We sat down and had lunch in a Chinese place and afterward 'Cedes took the wheel.

Mercedes told me she needed slow music on the radio while she drove long distances, otherwise she got too excited and ended up driving like a bat outta hell. So she played her slow jamz mix. Dude, if I didn't know better, I'd say Mama was a closet freak… since all her music sounded like sex on vinyl. Babygirl was moaning along to some Floetry song called _Say Yes_, and groaning in time to D'Angelo singing _How Does It Feel_. She even played this song called _Falsetto _that was all about some dude fucking his girl so good she started hitting high notes and shit. Every one of her goddamn song choices was fucking horn-inducing. I tried not to let it get to me, but after we'd been driving around 200 miles; I had to beg her to cut that shit out. Mama said something about her not making good enough time, anyway, so she put on her "Crunk Mix" instead so she could get hype. Mercedes hopped and popped her ass against the driver's seat for the next five hours. She shook her tits and tried to body roll while sitting; I watched her getting into the music and laughed my nuts off. Her head was bobbing, and them tatas were dancing underneath her sweater so much swear I thought I was in a fucking strip club. Or a Snoop Dogg video. But that shit helped us make it into New Mexico before 7pm. We found a Holiday Inn and I paid for the room while Mama found a taco truck and bought us some dinner. Then we crashed. Like I said, it was a good day.

* * *

**Still on the Road**

Sunday wasn't so much fun. Mercedes drove first, while tried to catch a little more sleep. I'd had a little having trouble trying to drift off the night before, since Mercedes kept making these sexy little cooing sounds in her sleep and they kept me up. Well, the fact that my dick was so hard kept me up. I must have spanked the monkey like, five times, trying to relieve the pressure. The end result was that I only got about 4 hours of rest before we got out of the hotel around 6am. Mama got her chill play list going, and I snored my ass off, every couple hours waking up to hear her singing Whitney Houston and Mariah Carey songs. Bumpy-ass road notwithstanding, it was pretty good way to rest. Then I woke my ass up about three hours into the trip so I could take a call from my baby bro.

Mercedes cut the tunes and I turned the speaker on so we could both talk after I pressed send. Jake, the baby asshole, was flirting his ass off the whole time we talked. Kept calling Mama "Sexy Miss," mostly because he knew how much I hate it when he did that shit. When I finally called his coffee-colored ass out on it, Mercedes just laughed and reminded me of how I call her "Sexy Mama" to piss off Sam. That shut me the hell up. But the phone call kept us laughing and shit. Jake kept us entertained talking about the drama he'd been having with his girl, Marley.

Remember how I told him to hold off on his natural-born douchebaggery? Made him quit hitting on Marley after she started dating Ryder, since they were bros and all? Well, babyboy did what I told him to and it paid off. Jake told us how he helped Ryder get diagnosed with dyslexia and shit. And that the dude ended up standing Marley up on a date so he could get extra tutoring or whatever. Said Marley got all offended because she didn't know what he was really up to, and that she had Quinn 2.0 in her ear telling her that shit was unacceptable. Jake was able to slip in on Marley; she asked him out, because she felt like Ryder was disrespecting her. So now they were hanging out and kissing and shit. I congratulated my bro for getting next to the girl without fucking over his boy, and Mercedes told him they were a cute couple. Mama even rubbed my hand a little and shot me a smile when Jake mentioned that I'd been the one to tell him he better respect his friendship. Then she asked if Sam was spending any time helping Ryder out with his dyslexia, since he had it too; Jake told her he didn't think so. Something about that didn't sit quite right with me, but I just filed it away to think it over later.

After Jake hung up, 'Cedes and me got off the road in Freedom, Oklahoma. It was around 11:30 and Mama treated me to Burger King for lunch before we took off again. I'd been driving for awhile and singing along to a KISS song, when Mercedes started having this big-ass argument with Sam over the phone. She had the shit on speaker, so I could hear everything, and it all sounded completely fucking crucial. Sam started the shit by telling 'Cedes that he didn't wanna fuck with Britt's plan to get Satan back, by acting like a couple with Jones at school. Dude was talking all calm and shit, like what he was suggesting was fucking normal or something. Evans went on and on about how he'd promised Britt to help her get her girl back, and how it would be wrong to flake out on her now. Even suggested that Samcedes not even speak for real at school, but just hang out afterward. It was completely fucked up.

'Cedes didn't even really seem mad, just hurt. She went on and on to Evans about -how was she supposed to feel watching her man be all hugged up on anther chick while she sat around in Glee class by herself? Said she had enough of that shit before graduation, thank you very much. Then Evans told her she could always hang out with me or Unique. Mama was so sickened and frustrated by him she just hung up on his ass.

Then she got a call from Quinn, who asked us if we'd meet up in the auditorium with the rest of our classmates. We agreed.

When we found a HOJO in Versailles, Missouri around 7pm, and I suggested we just order a couple of pizzas and veg out in the room. So I ordered a couple of pies and she got us all checked in. After a few slices, Cedes wanted to talk.

"Puck?"

"Yeah, Mama?" I looked up from the TV Guide I was reading.

"What do you think would have happened between us if we hadn't broken up Sophomore year?" Mercedes was laying across her bed on her stomach facing me. She was wearing this night-shirt with dollar signs all over it and it was cut low so I could see her cleavage. I had to swallow a little slobber before I could answer.

"Huh?"

"I mean, I realize you and I weren't a real couple, but we got together right around this time of year." Mercedes lifted a hand and started to fiddle with some of her hair. It made me wanna twirl it around my fingers too. "I just wondered."

"What for?"

"Well, Sam and I have been doing this relationship dance for over a year, but not consistently. Our thing has always been so off-and-on, I've never actually been his girl over Thanksgiving and Christmas."

I nodded so she would keep talking.

"I mean, I was with Shane this time last year…but I was never in love with him. Not like I am with Sam. And it looks like I'm still gonna miss out on all the couple-y stuff with him, again..."

I swear I wanted to string Evans up by the balls for fucking with Jones' emotions like this.

"… I figure if you and I had stayed together, we might have still been together for some of that. We've never been separated by distance or whatever, so I guess I'm kind of curious."

I'm not sure if she was asking me because she sort of sees through my little just-friends act, or if maybe the hotel-sharing was making her mistake this for a girly-ass sleepover party. But either way the 'Zilla don't lie, so I lay down on my bed facing her the same way and answered her question the best I could.

"Well, you should know that before you dumped me that day, I was gonna serenade you in Glee and ask you to be my girl for real," I finally admitted.

"What?" I could tell she wasn't expecting that.

"Real talk; I had a song all picked out, planned to hand over my letterman jacket and everything." I smiled and remembered how I'd spent the whole week learning the song by heart.

"What song?" she asked curiously.

"_Lady_, by D'Angelo." She gave me a look like 'quit lying,' and I defended myself. "Hey, I know I always had some trouble picking songs for all those times I serenaded Zizes, but I never had that problem with you."

She grinned at me and said, "You know, that's one of my favorite songs..."

"I know." I admitted. Shit, that's why I learned it. Shit sounded so good whenever we made out and she played it all soft in the background. But I rallied so I could keep on talking. "After the song I was gonna escort you to my truck, since I brought you to school that day. We were gonna put Quinn's ass in the backseat..." Mama laughed, I guess she was remembering how much I couldn't stand Que back then. "...then I was gonna take you home so we could baby-sit Michelle and update our MySpace relationship statuses."

"But, Puck I wasn't a Cheerio anymo..." Jones started.

"Then..." I interrupted. I didn't want to skip over anything. Plus, I ain't care about that shit. "…I was gonna pick you up the next day, take you to school, and make out with you in my truck until the bell rang. I'd have walked with you hand-in-hand into McKinley, and held the door open for ya. Ate lunch with you, sat with you in Glee..."

"But Puck, your Mo-hawk..." She tried again.

"...Every Friday, we'd have gone bowling or to the arcade or maybe the Stixx, and hung out on your sofa afterward. I would have offered to take you to Temple on my Sabbath; Gone to church with you on yours..."

"But what about Babygate, and Quinn..."

"We'd have spent Thanksgiving together, too Mama. Probably gone to my house first, and I'd have introduced you to my Nana; let Moms show you a bunch of embarrassing ass baby pictures and shit. Then we would have gone to your house and had dinner again. Maybe watched some football together afterward."

That's when she quit trying to interject and just listened to what I was saying.

"For Christmaskah," Mama laughed at that one. "I'd have spent some of my pool money getting you some jewelry or whatever. Maybe this diamond nose stud I saw at the mall one time-it was like, 1/20th of a carat or some shit. Or this pair of dangly ass earrings I saw in a store that had this kind of zebra pattern on it to go with that loud-ass jacket of yours. You probably would have gotten me a gift card or something."

Mama nodded, laughed, and touched her hand to where her nose ring used to be; I guess she was amazed that I remembered she wore one every day back then.

"Then when you went into the birthing room with me and Que, you'd have been there as my girl...not her sister. So when I got finished kissing Beth goodbye, I'd have laid one on you afterward, to make myself feel better."

She smiled, and I did too, remembering how sweet my little girl was that day.

"And that summer you'd have gone with me on all my pool jobs, so the MILFs would leave me the hell alone; and then we'd hang out around your pool so we could make out on the loungers every afternoon. We'd have fun; me laying between your legs when nobody was around and rubbing your naked-ass legs; trying to get in between your tits and swimsuit."

Mama sat up and faked like she was mad at me for being nasty by balling her fist, but I knew she was full of shit. Zizes taught my ass what a girl looks like when she _really _wanted to punch me. I changed the subject, anyway, though…I was already feeling my dick twitch.

"You and I would have spent a lot of time together, Mama; gone to the mall and hung out with our crew. We'd get closer; talk or whatever. You'd have been good for me; helped keep me from doing so much asshole stuff and more than likely avoid Juvie. I don't know, probably still be together."

I took a minute to catch my breath, and sat up too. Mama broke the silence by asking, "I have to say I'm confused…where's all this coming from, Noah?"

"I don't know..." I told her, truthfully. I honestly hadn't realized I thought so much about the way our relationship could have been. "...I just know you and me could have worked out if I hadn't been such a dick. See, I'm the type of dude that can't be in a relationship with a chick for real unless I'm friends with her first. And you're like, the best one I've got."

She reached over and hugged me hard. "Same here, Puckerman. But you know this is getting kinda heavy... So you wanna go across the street for some ice cream?"

I just looked at her like she was bat-shit. "Fuck no; it's cold as hell outside, Mama."

"Then the line will be short. Come on, Puck...don't be such a pussy!" Jones teased.

Couldn't let that one slide. "I'll show you a pussy, Mama...let's go!"

* * *

**Are We There Yet?**

The next morning we got up around 7 to take the last leg of the trip, which was about 600 miles. We both kind of silently agreed to turn our phones and the music off and just talk while she drove. She gushed about her older brothers, and how much she was looking forward to seeing them after so much time. Said she couldn't wait to see Tina and Unique and Sugar again. Mama brought up Kurt and Rachel, and what they were doing in New York. Kept flipping out about what a change she'd seen in Finn when she went back for Grease tryouts; and how she hoped he'd go get a teaching degree before long.

I agreed with her on the Finn shit, even though I hadn't seen him in action yet. I reminded 'Cedes of that time he came to stay with us for a couple of weeks after he got kicked out of the Army and was scared to go home and admit it. We remembered how lost he'd been looking. I also warned her to stay the fuck away from my horny little bro, just in case his Marley shit didn't pan out…since I knew he'd hit on anything walking. Even admitted that I was looking forward to spending some time with Evans. 'Cause he was still my bro, and I missed him.

Our talk lasted until we pulled into Caldwell, Illinois at around 12 for lunch, then I put the pedal to the metal and zoomed my way into Lima while she slept and I listened to Bon Jovi. It was around 5, so Mercedes took me to my Mom's so I could drop off my shit and take a leak. Then we went to her house so she could kiss her folks and change her change clothes. After that we made our way to McKinley.

That mash-up song we sang -_Home_ or whatever- was fun, and it reminded me of how much I loved performing with these losers. I hadn't picked up my axe much since moving to LA, and I realized that missed it. We were all talented and shit; I don't know why the only ones of us in the clique trying to be performers were Rachel, Kurt, Mike, and 'Cedes. We all probably should have been trying to be famous, auditioning for _American Idol_ or something. But, whatever…

Another thing that struck me was how sweet and shit everybody was treating Mercedes. Satan's evil ass made it her business to run the hell over to her and hug the shit out of Mama like she wanted to swallow her ass up. And Chang never got more than ten inches away from Jones the entire time we sang. Finn had already seen Mama at play tryouts, so he mostly hugged up on Quinn and gave me some dap. And of course she and I rode in together, and didn't need to act all brand new. But Quinn held Mercedes' hand in the backseat the whole time we rode to Breadstix together afterward. It was funny, 'cause I know sometimes Mama feels like she's not appreciated or whatever; but I _know _I was feeling all the love, even if she didn't see it for herself.

At Breadstix, Finn's wearing-Mr. Shue's-castoff-sweater looking ass asked all us vets to come into class the next day to mentor the newbies for Sectionals. We all agreed, and eventually went home to sleep in our high school beds.

The next day, all of us old-heads were in the choir room and getting to know the new chumps or whatever, and something bothered the shit out of me. Brittany kept mistaking Unique for Mercedes, and calling them by the wrong name and shit. Now, six months ago, that shit would've never registered on my fucking radar. I mean, I'm not Britt, so at least I can tell those two apart. I ain't never been _that _dense. But calling a she-man by the wrong gender or saying something shitty? I would have been guilty as hell last school year. But see, Mercedes and Unique are tight. My roomie schooled me on all the bullshit 'Ole He-She had been though since transferring to McKinley, and made me promise not to say or do anything offensive when I finally met her. It just tripped me out that Brittany had been in the same fucking class with Unique all damn year, but still hadn't figured the shit out. And from what my lil bro tells me, she's been on that shit the whole time.

Plus, I know Sam's been listening to her spout off all that fuckery, so why in the hell wasn't he schooling her? Evans is supposed to be responsible for her ass; like, that's a cross he willingly fucking chose to bear. Dude knew she was going around school sounding all ignorant and racist and shit, but didn't give a damn about correcting her. Even though Blondie's supposed to be the damn 'sensitive' one. That's when I knew those two weren't about shit together. Even in a fake way. It pissed me the fuck off. And I know for a damn fact that Satan would have never let Britt keep on doing that shit. Lopez may be a big-ass _pendeja, _but she takes all that gender identity/queer culture/human sexuality shit to heart. If Santana and Britt were still a couple that mess woulda been nipped in the bud with the quickness. Like I said, I was mad…and disappointed.

So Mike started spouting off about boy-band dance tryouts, Sam's Windy City got a roomful of crickets, and Britt won the female dance lead. Puck Jr. is a dance freak, just like Mike…dude's classically trained and everything. But he told me he was backing off the lead auditions so his boy Ryder could get it. Something about bro-code and trying to do right by him; he got the girl so Ryder got the dance, or some shit. I didn't completely understand it but I was proud of him, I guess. Then the Unholy Trinity did a song and we all went roaming in the halls.

Me and Jake were about to go get some grub from the cafeteria when my Baby Mama came up to us all mad at my bro. She was on some bullshit about Marley looking all butt-hurt and not being able to do her best at Sectionals because Jake was pressuring her for some pussy. I knew he wouldn't lie to me, so when JewBrown said he wasn't doing that shit I believed and defended him. Then Que went all "Icy-Queen of McKinley High," wouldn't listen to reason, and tried to say some shit about me pressuring _her_ back when _we_ got it on. I didn't embarrass her ass right then, and say what I wanted to; cause I wasn't trying to be the asshole in the situation one-mo-gain. But you can best believe I schooled her after we left that bitch.

In the parking lot, informed Quinn that I knew her number long before we fucked; and reminded her that she used me to make herself feel better just like I used her to get my rocks off. I let Que know that she could have told me to stop at any time while we were fucking and I would have, which she already fucking knew. I also let her suck on the memory that the only objection she had for me at the time, was that Finn was her boyfriend and my best friend. I said Quinn needed to check her fucking attitude, because chances were that she was getting her info about Jake from somebody as manipulative as she was at that age. Que had to stop and think about that shit after I said it, so I figure she heard the fucking lies from her Mini-Me. Right before I walked away I told her that I'd already guessed the only reason she was coming off all Jesus-Freak and judgmental was because she was probably caught up in some bullshit in college. Trying to justify some fucked up choices she was making by trying to mentor chicks who hadn't made any real mistakes yet, or something. I found out later I was right…bitch was boning her married-ass professor.

We helped the new crew out for the next couple of days and all got dressed up to go to Sectionals after Thanksgiving dinner and cheer them on. Mr. Shue and his fiancée showed up, probably to see if Finn was doing any better than he had, and we all watched the new New Directions perform. I personally liked Gangnam Style even though a lot of folks looked at Finn crazy for picking it; Tina was sexy as fuck performing like a little sex kitten, and the choreography was pretty dope. Special effects were awesome too. They reminded me of Vocal Adrenaline with all the confetti and shit. But when Jake's girl passed out I knew it was over, so I left before I could even hear the bad news.

Black Friday I slept in late and watched some football, then hopped in Mom's Corolla to go to the mall in Columbus. I felt girly as hell going out trying to buy shit on the biggest shopping day of the year, but I was living alone, now. I knew how important saving money was…and the newspaper had some nice shit in it I could get on the cheap. I was just about to go into Toys R Us so I could get Michelle some shit when Evans came out, with his hands full of shopping bags and a sale ad just like the one I had in my pocket. I stopped him with a bro-hug and spoke.

"Hey, man…what you up to?"

He grinned. "Not much man, trying to get Christmas presents."

"Yeah, me too. My little sis is a teenager now, but I wanted to get her some shit to remind her she's still a little girl, too. Maybe one of those Bratz doll heads so she can play in it's hair or some of the dress up clothes they got on sale. She and your girl used to play with that kind of shit together back in the day." I peered in his bag. "You shopping for Stevie and Stacie?"

He fidgeted. "Well, kind of…yeah. I got Stacie a doll head too, ten bucks is a really good price. She and Mercy used to play in each other's hair the same way. And I got some new board games for Stevie and a few Barbies for Britt." Said that last part all fast-like so I would miss it. That's when I decide to have a little chat with my boy.

"Hey, man…you got a minute? Wanna go get a Cinnabon and talk? It's important."

"Oh, I don't know, dude. I'm watching my calorie intake and…"

"Well a pretzel then. You used to come by my place all the time to talk and shit last summer."

Evans rolled his eyes but couldn't argue with that last little bit, so he nodded and we hit Auntie Ann's. After we sat down in the food court, dude tried to head me off.

"Look, Puck…I appreciate that you wanna defend Mercedes, but I'm not gonna have a conversation with you about my helping Brittany and hurting her…"

"Whoa!" I stopped him. "I ain't here about that shit. That's completely none of my damn business and between you two. I'm here to talk to you about Unique."

Sam seemed confused and dipped his pretzel in mustard while he waited on me to go on.

"I know you heard Britt in Glee rehearsal on Tuesday, confusing Unique with Mercedes. Why didn't you say shit?"

"Why would I do that? I'm not responsible for what she says," he said around a mouthful of food.

"Oh, yes, the hell you are." I said, as I finished my cinnamon and sugar covered pretzel.

"How?" Sam asked while he wiped his mouth and balled up the napkin.

"Because you're the person closest to the chick. And you signed on to watch out for her when you agreed to be her fake man" I explained.

Evans was shaking his head, "I don't get it."

"You should." I sat back in my chair and put my elbow on the backrest. "See, you and Brittany weren't ever really good friends before now. The only time I ever really saw you face off with each other was that time you kissed playing Spin the Bottle. But I always used to catch you rolling your eyes and shaking your head whenever she did something idiotic as fuck in Glee. So I guessed you probably figured she was just super ditzy or 'special' or something." I made air quotes to illustrate the fact that Evans used to look at Brittany like she was borderline mentally retarded.

"Yeah, so?"

"So…" I continued. "…that means you never realized that Brittany has always had someone in her corner to explain shit to her when she acts all lost and oblivious." I ticked off my fingers. "Quinn used to school her whenever she approached somebody ugly or really short and asked them did they work for the circus. Artie stopped her from picking up little kids in McDonalds PlayPlace and inviting them home for a play date. Santana let her know she couldn't keep asking Mike and Tina to try and open their eyes a little wider." Trouty laughed out loud at that last one, and I shot him a nasty look to let him know I wasn't playing. "And you should have taught the girl the difference between Unique and your girlfriend."

He quit laughing. "Well, how was I supposed to do that?"

"The fuck do I look like? A Brittany translator?" I was getting mad, now. "You're the one who's close to her! Shit, you ought to know…" Then I tried to come up with some suggestions since Blondie was looking lost as fuck. "…maybe you can explain how every fucking Black person isn't the same as every other fucking Black person! That every brown girl in a dress singing her ass off in Glee ain't Mercedes! Tell her to look at Unique and look at Jones, then point out the differences in their height, their faces, their bodies! Draw the chick a fucking diagram if you have to!"

It looked like Evans was finally getting the picture. "But why me?"

I rolled my eyes again. "Because Britt has latched onto you the same way she's always latched onto everybody who's ever kept her in line. From what I hear, she's been flailing all year long. Going all Britney Spears at school and losing the school elections. And I know you were the one who brought her back from the edge when that shit happened, so you need to go'ne head and do the rest of your damn duty."

Sam looked thoughtful so I pressed on.

"Look, man…I'm sure somebody else already tried to school her on this shit, but she's not gonna listen until you tell her. Until she gets Santana back you're the fucking chosen one. Plus, if you don't do it soon she's gonna fuck around and hurt somebody's feelings, and that shit will be all on you."

"But nobody's feelings were hurt…" Sam blustered.

"No, not this time, but Mercedes doesn't know how long the shit's been going on. She probably thought all that stuff Britt said the other day about clones was the first time." I gathered up all my napkins and shit to toss in the trash on my way back to the toy store. I was all the way thru with talking to this motherfucker...After I said one more thing. "But somebody's likely to tell her ass your blonde chick's been on that shit all year, and your real girl's gonna be hurt."

"But who would tell her?"

"Obviously not you!" I rolled my eyes. What a pussy… "But Unique is crazy about Mama…she and Sugar were the ones who told her you were hanging out with Brittany hardcore in the first place. That shit's gonna come up in conversation some day, then those two and Tina are gonna let Jones know your fake woman's been insulting your real woman all year and you didn't do shit!" Then I pulled my sale ad out of my back pocket and stood up so I could go get Baby Sis some toys and shit.

"But Mercedes will understand… it's Brittany!" Sam got all defensive again. "Everybody knows she says crazy stuff like that all the time!"

"And everybody trusts the person closest to her to eventually get that shit corrected." I told him before I walked the fuck away.

The next day, Mercedes and me took off early to head back to LA. And I was so goddamn ready to bounce it was ridiculous. It was cool being home and shit, but I gotta say… it only felt like home because 'Cedes was there with me. I liked seeing how proud my Moms was for me and Michelle looked like she'd grown three inches since September. Plus, I was digging hanging out with Jake, too. But our relationship was working long distance, just fine. We didn't need to see each other everyday to feel like real bros. And I suppose had a new family, now. Me, Mercedes, her drama, my crush, and maybe one day a dog…that was my life now. So when we headed back I knew I wasn't gonna miss a thing.

* * *

**A/N: Thanks for the love, you guys! Next up, Season 3...Senior year! God, I love flashbacks.**


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N: this is my chapter dedicated to the first seven episodes of S3 Glee, as seen though the eyes of a half-smitten Puck. It's everything that happened before Sam Evans returned to McKinley, and some of my favorite episodes are referenced in this chapter. It took a while to finish, partly because I had to re-watch all of the episodes again (Netflix rocks!) and partly because I've been focusing mostly on my **_**Prom Night **_**chapters. But I love the way this one came out and really appreciate all the support I've gotten for this story. Believe me, I have every intention of finishing this. Actually, I have Chapter 15 already written. So trust me, I won't leave you guys hanging.**

**I owe Illiandyandra and AnniKay a couple of "thank yous" once again. They gave some really great notes on this installment that made a world of difference. Thank you ladies!**

**I'd like to thank Goalihta-Leigh, Annikay, LadiJ, box5angel, LudaNeet, JessieMae888, Denita585, and Guest for your sweet reviews. I was so proud of Chapter 11, and totally grateful that you guys took the time to comment on it.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own **_Glee_** or the characters of **_Glee_**. **

* * *

**Another New Beginning...**

By the time I started my Senior year I'd made up my mind about a few things; trying to start as I meant to finish or some bullshit...I had come up with a plan to make the most of what was left of high school, and I was looking forward to not fucking it up. First of all, I decided to stop wearing my damn letterman jacket so much. If somebody had asked me that previous summer what I thought about my friends on the team versus my homies in Glee club, I'd have had to admit that my jock crew was mostly made up of a bunch of dill-weeds I couldn't stand. The fact was that I couldn't count on 'em nearly the same way I could the New Directions. So I made up my mind to show my allegiance to show choir by leaving that motherfucker at home. That way anybody I met wouldn't automatically assume I was one of the jerk-wads in red and white.

I also gave myself permission to stay away from chicks, until I could find another one that I actually liked. Banging randoms had been pretty cool in the past -and shit, it got you off- but in the end, living like that could leave a dude feeling pretty damn empty. I wanted my next girl to be somebody I shared shit with, who left me in my bed feeling like we'd experienced something more than orgasms together. So I was on a self-imposed chastity kick. I'd also decided to stop being such an instigator and start observing the shit around me better. It had become clear to me, through all my dealings with Mama and Zizes, that I was real prone to missing out on shit. So I made up my mind to keep myself in watch mode.

Right off the bat on the first day of school I noticed some things that I more than likely wouldn't have before. I saw that Quinn wasn't the only chick at McKinley who'd changed her look…'cause Tina was obviously over her Goth kick, and had moved onto dressing like the chicks on that old show _Dragnet. _I noticed how scared Satan was for motherfuckers to find out she was all about the pussy now…Specifically Brittany's pussy. And I noticed a huge difference in the way Mama was acting.

I know most of my friends think they should have paid more attention to Mercedes when she came out of her neck on JBI's interview saying Evans was "So June." According to Cohen-Chang and Hummel, that wasn't the type of shit a chick as sweet as Jones would ever say on camera, for any reason. Even if she'd been mad at Sam when she said it. Most of Glee club pretty much felt like we shoulda saw some of what happened later on in the year coming because of that shit; and they all felt bad for missing an important sign. But that never really bothered me, because I knew more about Samcedes than even her two best friends did. I knew that Mama and Evans had broken up less than three weeks after he left Lima. And that she had latched onto Tinsley so fast Sam probably got whiplash all the way in Kentucky. Plus, his big ass was standing right there when she said that shit about her "summer fling." Which told me that Mercedes probably tried to laugh off her relationship with Evans as a way of making sure her new boyfriend didn't get all insecure or whatever.

So that never bothered me, but there were a lot of things about Jones right then that did. She was quieter than she'd ever been before at the first Glee meeting of the year. And I saw Jones' face go all sad and shit in the library during study hall, too. Mama was watching the JBI broadcast where Hummel and Berry gushed over going to school in New York together after graduation, and could see it was hurting her feelings...

In fact, a lot of Mama's problems were probably related to Berry. Those two were competing over shit from the first day of the school year, and it got kinda ugly a few times. Mama rolled her eyes hard that time when Rachel came bouncing into the cafeteria demanding that everybody get up and sing; even called her out for being bossy as hell. Jones bit her lip every time she saw Gayberry do that "gay high five" shit that Kurtcedes used to be forever on, too. It was obvious to me that Mama felt like she was coming up short; that she suspected Berry was gonna have the best senior year ever while Mama stayed in the damn background. I could see Jones fighting for a spotlight from Jump Street, and feeling like the only one in her corner was Tinsley. That's why; even now...I don't actually mind that huge motherfucker.

I tried to be there for Mama as much as I could. In my own way, I mean…I was already sitting next to her when Finn and his girl talked us into singing the Go-Gos song. We'd been tripping out and joking about the purple piano in the corner of the lunchroom before the food fight even started. So she knew I understood where she was coming from, not wanting to get up and perform. And she and I laughed our asses off from across the table when Anderson put on his little freak-out in the quad, too. It wasn't that he was putting on a bad show, exactly. ..the Cheerios were dancing all hot, and I dug the pyrotechnics at the end. But Blaine's song choices suck ass. Plus, why in the hell does this dude dress like Carlton Banks every fucking day? That shit is annoying as hell, and I could tell Jones agreed with me. I even caught her eye a few times while Sugar auditioned, because I knew I could probably make her laugh. It worked for a few minutes, but of course, all my effort went to waste when Berry stood up. After Jew Nose demanded that we put on a play that she chose, and assumed the star role was hers, Mama's expression changed from silly to pissed off just that quick.

I was actually pretty proud of myself for helping Mama feel supported on the second day of school, though, up until Shuester dropped the bomb on us about mandatory Booty Camp. I wasn't feeling it, mainly because all that ballet shit is queer as hell and I don't feel like myself trying to do it. But Mama was the only one to actually speak out on the shit. It was pretty hardcore of Shue to bring out Beyonce when Mama started to argue; I sort of thought he was hitting below the belt. But in the end Shuester got his way. Jones stayed quiet while Shuester and Berry explained to everybody how the new regimen would keep us from fucking up Nationals this year, and we got our new practice schedule.

After class, I caught up with Mama in the courtyard, throwing her lunch into a trash can; one grape at a time. I came over and grabbed one before asking, "What's up Mama? Not hungry?"

She pushed her lunch tray across the table and shot me an apologetic look. "No…too much on my mind."

"Like what?" I asked around a mouthful of her sandwich.

"Its just…aren't you a little offended by being on the list of people who _have_ to do mandatory Booty Camp?" She shook her head like she was loosening cobwebs before going on. "Like, do you think your dancing is bad enough for all that?"

I thought about it for a second. "Hell, no! I mean, I don't dance all that choreographed shit for fun like Mike does; cause its lame as hell and 'Zillas don't twirl. But I can get down just fine when I'm feeling it…"

"That's my point!" Jones blurted out. "It isn't fair…I can dance! I've never had any trouble following the choreography before."

"Yeah…you're right." I told her. "You're always one of the first in the group to learn new moves and never need any help getting steps down. That's what's got you so upset?"

"That's what's got me so upset." Mama nodded. "I mean, you saw what just happened. Shue and Rachel kept bringing up Nationals last year like it's evidence for why we need to step it up and do Booty Camp. Like they think some of us don't try hard enough and that we lost because of it. But our dancing wasn't why we lost!"

"That's right…" I offered. "…Our songs were crappy and unrehearsed, the faculty advisor was MIA while we wrote 'em, and Finchel started making out mid-performance."

"Exactly!" Mama seemed kind of heated. "So why put you, me, Kurt and Finn in the spotlight? Why tell the whole class that _we're _the reason ND lost in New York? Why fuck with our heads like this?"

"Cause maybe Shue doesn't wanna feel like us losing was his fault?" I guessed.

"Maybe," she conceded. "But see, its bigger than that, too… Because Rachel never dances with us. She's always in the front, singing lead on at least two of our group numbers; so the rest of us have to learn and do more dance routines than she does. How's Shuester so sure that _she's _any better? That she doesn't need any extra help?"

I shrugged my shoulders.

"He doesn't know..." Mama answered her own question. "… and it doesn't matter to him, because he knows she'll be doing all the solos and duets again this year, too. And he's trying to make it seem like the rest of us -or namely, me- aren't good enough for the lead by making it mandatory for us to get 'extra help.' This proves once and for all that our teacher has zero intention of showcasing me this year. He's gonna give everything to Rachel, just like before."

Jones was pretty convinced that Shue was out to get her and I tried to diffuse. "Mama, I think you're going off here for no damn reason. You ain't been eating much; maybe your brain's been deprived or something." She slapped me on the arm. "Okay, okay…I take it back. But your ass is still way off base. Shue wants to win this year! And he knows you've got more talent than anyone else in Glee…So you should look at this like he's trying to set you up to be the star. Because if you're the best at singing _and _dancing, you'll obviously get the lead."

"But how in the hell am I supposed to be at my best vocally, when I'm killing myself doing extra dance rehearsals?"

"You won't, Mama…besides, it might be fun. You and me can hang and…"

"I'm sorry Puckerman," She stood up and put on her book bag. "I know you're just trying to help, but something's up." Then she walked off.

I'm ashamed to say that I actually put the shit outta my mind right after that. Not because I didn't care what was going on with Jones, but because Shelby Corcoran was back in town and had asked me to bring Quinn by her new classroom to see her and talk about Beth. The conversation didn't go to well, to be honest. Que totally went all "bitch betta come off my baby," on Shelby. But later on I went by Shelby's house and I got to see Beth. I held my baby for the first time in almost two years, gave her a picture I drew just for her, and had a serious rush of love and fucking contentment. And I was gonna be damned before I let Quinn's ass fuck it up for me. It's the only reason I kept quiet when she was acting like a psycho in Booty Camp. I was there tripping out with Mercedes watching Finn fuck up dance moves when Que showed up all ready to snow everybody. She had some master plan going on where she intended to fool everybody into thinking she was changing her ways, but it was all for play-play. There wasn't much I could do about making my Babymama act like she was about shit, but I _did_ make up my mind to watch her ass and keep my mouth shut.

* * *

**Tensions Rising…**

That next week was West Side Story auditions, and it was fucking bat-shit crazy, to say the least. It all started with Mercedes getting sick at Booty Camp, and in a way that part was all my fault. I'd seen Mama at lunch, not eating again, and I got worried…so I told her ass not to show up for practice until she'd had a meal. She left campus after school with Shane, and took my advice. But then she came into rehearsal too full to perform. I saw Jones' point…we _all _had way too much stuff on our plates at the time., and weren't exactly dealing with the stress very well. Santana was all bitchy and cranky, when she told Jones to suck it up. And even Mike was acting crazy that week; muttering to himself between classes and breaking out in dance moves spontaneously. In my opinion, it's the only reason he and the rest of the group didn't speak up for Cedes when she was feeling ganged up on. Like I said, it was a pretty hectic week, but in the end auditions went well.

I was in the balcony waiting or our Jets-N-Sharks tryout with the rest of the Titans and Mike, when Mercedes did her song. She did a great job, had Artie waving praise hands and shit. Afterward she beamed like a damn light bulb because Coach Bieste and Miss Pillsbury couldn't stop congratulating her. I actually got up to go show Mama some love myself, too. But she was backstage with her boyfriend, and I ended up eavesdropping on their conversation instead. Tinsley was telling his Boo all this "eye of the tiger" shit, and she was thanking him for putting her head on straight. I gotta say, even though I'm not too particular about the way Shane was always telling Mercedes not to fuck with New Directions after she left, I respect that dude for the way he encouraged Mama. And I don't even blame him for the fucked up advice he was giving her, since forced animosity works like hell when you're talking about winning at sports. Tinsley's an athlete, and was trying to get his girl to think like one. That kind of shit translates into victory on the field, and he wanted his girl to win.

That same day, I saw Shuester coming outta the teacher's workroom with Bieste and Pillsbury, talking about how he had to use Mercedes newfound motivation and run with it. The two teacher chicks were still gushing over Mama's audition, and wouldn't you know Shuester was trying to take credit for it? I love our teacher in a "respect how much he loves his students" kinda way... Shuester is the type of teacher whose class a kid wants to be in if they grew up without a dad, or have issues with their own father, or maybe if they didn't get enough encouragement growing up. Shue's great at that part of being a teacher. But that other shit they teach you at teacher college? Like, making sure all your students' voices get heard and trying to motivate everybody in the best way possible? Or hell, how to fucking speak Spanish...Shuester lucked the fuck out and bullshitted his way through all of that.

Mr. Shue was listening to Bieste and Pillsbury going off about all of Mercedes' star power, and telling them all of his Booty camp pushing was making Mercedes a better performer. Then he said some shit about how he was planning to push her even harder in rehearsal! When I heard that shit I rolled my eyes so hard they damn near got stuck in my fucking eye socket.

I knew from Maria auditions that it was _Shane's _pushing and cajoling that made Mama feel like a star. That it was her boyfriend's encouragement that got her head on straight. That's why when Shuester started in on all that Widow-maker stuff at Booty camp I knew it wasn't gonna end well. I saw the writing on the fucking wall.

* * *

**Are You Pissed Off Yet?**

Lemme just say that I know for a damn fact that Mercedes felt fucking preyed on and hunted, on the day she left Glee. I could see she thought everybody in the room was coming for her, and that she had nobody there on her side. It was every-fucking-body's in that auditorium's fault, that Mama left. Nobody spoke the hell up when it would have helped, then when motherfuckers finally chimed in it was the worst possible ones running their traps. Then after everything got serious, it all escalated quick. In my opinion, we may never have lost 'Cedes if anybody had opened their goddamn mouth to defend her when Shue was on her case. Me, any of the Jazz Band kids, the AV geek doing the lighting….anybody. Sooooo much shit was going on and swirling all around me that it was sort of hard to follow it all. I was right there and only got a _glimpse_ of how insulted and pissed off Mama was getting while the shit storm happened. But I can tell you that my girl looked fucking caged. In the few seconds before she left, I saw "fight-or-flight" written all over her pretty face. And when she took off, I didn't blame her for not looking back.

The whole thing started because everybody in Glee showed up but Rachel…mandatory or not. Even the great dancers were there putting in work. Mama asked a valid question about the chick's whereabouts, and got a bunch of attitude from Finn for her trouble. That was the first thing to go wrong. Then, when Shuester started tapping folks out for doing the Widow-maker move correctly, he wasn't being fair. Finn didn't go down all the way, but our teacher told him that he'd done it right, anyway. And Tina used both her hands to balance on the ground; ended up doing the move like it was sort of a really speedy half-split. Shuester gave her a bye, too. Plus, me and Hummel were off the mark. But we all got past Shuester's critique, which left Mama all alone on the stage trying to get the shit right. So the situation was unjust as hell, on top of being embarrassing for her.

Then when Will got up in Jones' face, everybody with a fucking opinion chimed in on the shit instead of letting Mama and our teacher hash everything out. They'd all been so fucking quiet when she was telling Shuester how unfair he was being, when they should have been helping her out. But the minute Mama needed everybody to stay quiet and let her deal with our teacher, they all came out of a bag on her. Santana came at Mama with some "quit complaining and start sweating" bullshit like we were on an episode of _Fame. _Probably she was just sucking Shue's ass so he'd forget all her fire-starter shit, but Mama couldn't have known that. Plus, Kurt was rolling his neck and shit, telling Mercedes to stop complaining, because he deserved a solo just as much as she but wasn't going off about it. In my opinion, Hummel was just blowing off steam because he was mad that he wasn't the one getting all the attention. And I'd heard around the way the dude had bombed his _WSS_ audition, too. Plus, the Fairy was probably tired. But at the time it seemed like he was coming for Jones, and she looked fucking hurt. And Mike actually told Mercedes that the argument wasn't his to get involved in, even though he was the dance tutor and could have told Shuester he wasn't being fair by pushing 'Cedes so hard. My Asian bro's excuse for not jumping in was some shit about not having anything to add to a debate about singing leads…since he wasn't likely to have any. Even I was guilty, because I tried to get Mama to cooperate and enjoy Glee on whatever terms she could. I wasn't being disloyal, but I figured she could still be the star at church, right? To this day I regretted that shit. Because it was the wrong move. I should have kept my mouth shut, or at least told the room they were a bunch of pussies for ignoring Babygirl. If I had, then maybe 'Cedes wouldn't have jumped ship. And she did it so fast I was the only one who saw it coming.

Even after Mercedes left New Directions she still came to Maria callbacks and represented. I meant what I said to Quinn about the shit being on some clash of the Titans kinda stuff. I mean, both girls had their boyfriends pumping them up backstage, everybody was there….this was showdown time. And for once, I thought the song said a lot about all of the performers. It was pretty obvious that the directors tried to make it a more level playing field than usual….Shuester would have just gave the role to Berry or told them to audition with a song in her wheelhouse. But Bieste, Pillsbury and Abrams didn't roll that way, and it showed; Mama killed it. Hit notes Berry can't even hear in her own head; she was way the fuck better. When I heard she didn't win the part I was completely floored.

The next week me and Quinn offered to babysit Beth, and Shelby accepted. Then right afterward we went to Glee, where everybody was tripping out over Cedes leaving. Tina was blubbering her ass off and people were blaming Shue…which I agreed with. I made damn sure to put my two cents in, believe that. I let the whole class know I thought we were screwed without Mama. I even had a few opportunities to let Jones know I supported her while she went her own way. Mama was running around trying to drum up membership for her group and I was the one who suggested she focus on getting people on her team whose voices work best with hers... namely Satan. When Finn pissed off Brittany and the girls joined Mercedes' group, those three never treated me like the enemy. I remember the day she came up and thanked me at school for telling the class we were gonna be fucked up unless Mama came back... she'd heard about it and was really grateful.

I'd been walking to lunch when I heard my name being shouted. "Hey Puck..." It was Mama, trying to get my attention. "...wait up!"

I stopped walking long enough for her to catch up with me. "What's up, Mama?"

Mercedes giggled. "Boy, you and that nickname are too much. Are you busy right now? Or can we eat lunch together...I wanted to talk to you if you have time."

"Let's go, I'm starving." So started walking together.

"Puck," We made our way to the courtyard while Mama began talking. "I just wanted to thank you for being such a great friend to me. Lately it feels like not too many people around here _really _have my back. Even a bunch of my closest friends haven't been around to support me much. But I've noticed all the different ways you've been in my corner this year, and I want you to know how grateful I am."

At the time I appreciated her telling me the shit, because I felt like I probably should have done more. She made me feel less guilty, so I just said, "No prob...I honestly didn't do shit."

Mercedes slapped my arm and pointed at me. "Don't say that..." Then she started counting on her fingers. "First of all you're one of the few people in Glee who didn't come for me at the Booty Camp debacle. Then you suggested I recruit Satan. Plus, I heard about how you told New Directions they couldn't win without me..."

"Tina?" I interrupted.

"Tana," she corrected. "You're also the only one of my former Glee-mates who never once tried to defend Shuester to me or play on my soft side to get me to come back. I appreciate it."

I just nodded.

"Not only that, but..." Mama continued."...Its just that it's been a couple of years since you joined Glee, and I've always sort of considered us 'hi-bye' friends. We don't hang out after school, or spend time together outside of choir. Now that I know what a good guy you're capable of being…"

She stopped me with a huge hug right before we opened the double doors to go outside and I grinned my ass off. "…I owe you a lot." Mama finished.

"You're welcome, Jones." We'd started walking again. "To be honest, I've been busy this week trying to figure out whether or not I owed your ass an apology. So we're square."

"An apology?" Mama looked confused while we looked around the courtyard for an empty table. "What for?"

"Yeah…I think I owe you one." I answered. "I didn't help you our at Booty Camp like I should have. I was the only person there who knew beforehand that Shuester was planning on pushing you too hard in rehearsal on purpose. I should have had your back when you went off, but I didn't say shit."

"Wait, you knew?" Mama asked.

"Yeah…" I explained. "…I caught Shuester bragging outside the teachers lounge about you. I spied on 'em long enough to figure out he thought that shit was helping you."

"Well, why would he do that? I mean, what's it to Mr. Shue if I become a great performer?"

I eyed her from across the table we'd found. "Cause he knows how good you are and wanted to take credit when motherfuckers started gushing about you and shit." We sat down.

Mercedes averted her eyes and crossed her arms to keep me from realizing that she was kinda flattered. It didn't work though. "And here I thought the man just wanted to make me look bad…"

"Hell, no!" I let her know. While she smiled I rooted around in my pocket for a candy bar I had stashed in there before school. "Of course, in the end the shit made you look bad anyway…Dude ain't have any business calling you lazy in front of everybody…"

Mama's expression changed back to slightly pissed off, right then.

"…and you quit, so Shue's plan backfired on him. But that wasn't his intention." I bit into my Almond Joy.

"I have to say, that's really good to know." Mama stood up, leaving her stuff on the table. "And you didn't have to apologize to me for that. You're forgiven."

"Cool. Where the hell are you going?"

"Waiting for you to finish your candy so we can go hit the cafeteria line. Lunch is on me today. So come on Puckasaurus, we gotta eat fast." Mama reached out for my hand which I took. "I have a surprise for you afterward, that I'm excited about."

Jones' surprise was actually that she and the other members of the TroubleTones wanted me to see their _Candy Man _performance. Finn and Mr. Schue may have had to sneak in to their rehearsal to see it, but the 'Zilla got a special production, courtesy of the group.

I gotta say, those chicks were the hotness. The costumes fucking rocked…fit Mama so much better than any of the shit New Directions used to come up with. And the fact that Motta's daddy's money was so long meant that the props and backdrops were all professional looking and shit. They sounded amazing, which I wasn't surprised by; and the dancing was fucking perfect. I don't know what kinda crack rock Shuester was smoking when he said Jones needed help with her moves, but it musta been some good ass shit.

Mama was swaying her hips and dancing all sexy. She shimmied and dipped, performed all this vigorous-ass footwork and did it all while wearing high heels. She sang the sexy ass words, about panties dropping and almost sang the word "cock" a bunch of times. Jones managed to look me dead in the eye right when she sang that "…good things come to those who wait…" line. And the look on her face while doing the shit was one I couldn't mistake for anything other than pure happiness. She was obviously so happy to have a group to call her own that it shined all over her face. I could feel it radiating from my seat in the audience.

Which is why I never once said a damn thing to the girls about coming back to New Directions. I just wanted Jones happy. Maybe I could have tried to use my influence or some shit but I never even tried, because I liked seeing my girl shine. And I felt disloyal as hell. Which is why I was fucking relieved when Finn brought the kid who sang like Kurt and talked like somebody from Harry Potter to class. It meant that ND would probably be straight.

That day after school I went to my house and thought about some shit. I had stuff on my mind that confused the hell outta me, and it was bugging me. Outside of all the ND drama, I also had Quinn on my ass trying me to help her get Beth. On the surface, I was on board. I wanted Beth back, too. But the bitch was all up in my face, trying to force me to do shit her way…and it felt wrong as hell. I was so fucking conflicted, too…I mean, on the one hand I had Que trying make me get a legit job. With like, uniforms and a fucking fast food sun visor. Or maybe one of those jobs where you have to pass a cherry picker driving test and wear steel toe boots. She didn't give half a rats ass about whether or not I wanted to do that shit; all she cared about was wanting to make sure she didn't have to work once we started raising our baby together. But on the other hand I had Shelby helping me land a serious opportunity doing what I was already good at. On one side I was dealing with Quinn wanting me to help her sabotage Shelby, but on the other was Shelby…in action, doing the mother thing.

I probably mulled that shit over for about four hours before I hopped in my truck and got my ass over to Shelby's. When I made my choice about which side I'd land on it was actually easy as hell. All I had to do to make my decision was look at Shelby. She was at home; all tired and frustrated trying to get Beth to sleep. And where was Quinn? At the mall with Brittany, spending all her Daddy's money on clothes that would fool a judge into giving her custody. Shelby was in the trenches, making sacrifices and inconveniencing herself so Beth would have a good life. As I looked at her and remembered seeing that same look on my own Mom's face, I made up my mind to help her as much as I could.

And Shelby let me, unlike Que. She allowed me to calm my little girl down, and trusted me to help the same way my Moms let me help her with Michelle all my life. As far as I was concerned, bitch ass Quinn and her crazy demands could suck my balls. So I got Beth to sleep, ran outside to ditch the Botox and hot sauce I had stashed in my draws, then came back in to keep Shelby company. We talked, and she told me everything I'd missed out on as a father. It made me want a normal family life; I guess…I could see myself, coming home to a wife and kids. Eating dinner and talking about shit together. And I could tell Shelby was feeling it too. She slapped my chest whenever I made her laugh and didn't treat me like a little kid. The chick acted like a woman acts around her man. And that's why when I checked up on Beth one last time and turned around to find Shelby had gotten closer…I went in for the fucking kill. And I wasn't sorry at all.

* * *

**Biding Time...**

That next week was when we put on the play, and it was cool I guess. I dug playing a Puerto Rican, since nobody ever knows what the hell I am until I tell 'em, anyway. And I'm good at accents, too. A bunch of my Glee homies got laid that week, and I even managed to congratulate Finn beforehand. I laid low on the Shelby front, though. I figured she would have to process the fact that we kissed or some shit. Plus, I was putting in extra work on school assignments and pool cleaning, so I didn't really have the time to go make her ass holler for me, anyway. I knew we would eventually fuck, and I planned on getting her completely sprung on young dick whenever we did. I was thanking Hashem daily for all the MILF lessons I'd gotten over the years, since I also knew I had to be hot like fire in the sack if I wanted Shelby on Team Puckfasa for the next forty years. But even though I wasn't moving on anything just yet I was still planning all kinds a shit.

Like for instance, I had made up my mind to wait until I graduated before moving in with Shelby…since getting caught fucking a student could get her fired and I was planning on being a stay-at-home dad, anyway. And I wanted to sell my bike and truck, too. Maybe invest in a family car with good gas mileage and seat belts. Like one of those tiny-ass SUVs or a badass looking crossover. At some point I also wanted to talk to Shelby about maybe moving back to New York after we got married. Our little girl was gonna be the shit, and needed a big ass city to grow in. Like I said, I was doing all this planning while staying away from Shelby. Instead of confronting her and laying all my intentions out there I just concentrated on the play and doing constructive shit.

When _West Side Story_ was over, though, I made sure to put all my plans on blast. I specifically picked my Asian bros, Chang and Anderson to be my backup dancers when I did_ Hot for Teacher_ in class. I like surrounding myself with minorities whenever possible, plus those two are the only dudes in Glee who can sell sexy dance moves. I just wished Blaine would get a pair of pants that reached all the way to his feet for once, or at least wear a fucking pair of socks. Still, that tiny little dude showed his ass on the performance. And I know Shelby heard about that shit. When I got in her face and let her know I was planning on she, me and Beth one day becoming a family, she tried to redirect my ass and play like she wasn't down. But she laughed her ass off and averted her eyes whenever they met mine. I know that shit means one thing: sexual tension brewing. So I just let the chick know I'd be over there to put together my baby's crib later on that day.

After that I met up with Quinn in the hall, who'd decided that she needed to join the TroubleTones so she could get closer to Beth. At the time I didn't tell her that I was already helping Shelby out by getting rid of all the planted evidence. But I did let her think I was still on her side. Que wasn't able to get on the TroubleTones before the mashup competition like she wanted. So we performed the Hall and Oates songs together while the TTs watched us and snickered. We were standing right next to each other when we realized the TroubleTones weren't clapping for us afterward. I guess Finn and Shue's plan to intimidate the new group didn't work.

Mama's new group was every bit as good as I expected. One mo' gain the costume choices were better, and worked better for Mercedes. The dancing was perfect for a sexy all girl group and their vocals were on point. I know my ass was scared as hell that we'd lose at competition. And a bunch of the other ND's felt the same way. In a way I appreciated the distraction that happened afterward, since focusing on how outclassed ND was would have sucked. But Snixx went the hell off and slapped the shit out of Finn, so everybody had other shit to think about.

I heard later on that Finn covered for Satan in Principal Figgins office and that Shuester was maaaaddd! Turns out by that time our faculty advisor was willing to do whatever the fuck he could to sabotage our competition's chances at Sectionals. Even let Santana get suspended, when he knew Finn was hitting below the belt when he outed the chick. But the shit worked itself out. Shuester, Finn and Shelby all got together and planned out Lady Music Week.

At first that shit didn't go over well. Tana seemed flabbergasted when the homos did their song for her, and looked fucking appalled when Anderson started rapping.

When I did my song, I got a bunch of different reactions. I could tell Tana wasn't feeling me, but I just told myself it was because the shit was written by an actual gay lady. Lopez probably just couldn't deal. And she _did_ seem kind of thankful after the fact. But the rest of the class seemed to dig it. Quinn thought I was singing to her, and Shelby was struggling not to react. Rachel looked confused, and Mercedes and Sugar swooned their asses off. I was a fucking hit.

Right after that, Quinn tried to seduce me and I turned her down, mean. She was acting crazy as all outdoors, and I'd had enough. It was fucked up the way Que and I only got along with each other long enough to make a baby together. The rest of the time we bumped heads left and right. When I wanted back in her undies? Quinn decided to go all "second virginity" on my ass. But the second I make up my mind to quit engaging in nameless, faceless, zipless ass fucks, all of a sudden she wants to bang? I was insulted as fuck and let her know just how I felt about it.

Finn doing his song was what finally turned Lady Music Week around for Tana. I could see she probably thought his arrangement of _Girls Just Wanna Have Fun _was pretty dopey. I, myself would have brought all the dudes in on it and did Cyndi Lauper proud. But him slowing it down must have given Satan enough time to appreciate all the effort everybody was going to for her…it affected the chick the way Hudson hoped it would. She cried and hugged him after he was done, and we all saw there weren't any more hard feelings between 'em. After that, she quit complaining about the songs we were dedicating to her and shit. She was finally acting grateful and having fun.

After voting for class Prez, we all went back to the choir room and watched the girls do the Katy Perry song they picked, and I had two reactions. Number One: I wished Jones had had a bigger part, since Rachel's voice didn't work very well on it, and she sounded like an opera singer trying rap. And Number Two: I was jealous as hell of Brittana, since both of 'em managed to smack Mercedes on the hip when they were dancing. We all loved the performance, and totally dug on how all the straight girls went whole hog trying to support Tana. They got seriously bi-curious with the dancing and shit, I was proud of 'em for not being shy about it. I cracked the hell up watching Artie and Mike though; those two were acting an ass and getting into the song big time.

Later, while I was kicking ass in math class Shelby called me so I could help her through a crisis with Beth. It was my first chance to show her why she needed a man around to talk to people on her and Beth's behalf. I took charge like a man. Like a father. And afterward we talked. I told Shelby how much I was looking forward to spending more time together as a family, and how I couldn't wait for her to get on board with us hooking up. I told her all about my plans, and she seemed flattered by the shit. She even joked around with me when I said that shit about me being a stay-at-home father. Called me a Desperate Househusband and advised me to keep away from the maids. To my way of thinking, she and I were hashing out a lot of important stuff; forming a plan. When she let me in them panties, I figured it was our special way of sealing the deal.

The sex itself was good, we both got off and it was physical as shit. I think Shelby may have been trying to recreate some of the buck-wild fucking from her youth…since she was all about switching up positions and biting my shoulders everytime she came. It was fun, and I figured the shit would probably mellow out once we got used to screwing as a committed couple. Gave me some shit to look forward to. But afterward, Shelby was all "it's a mistake," and shit; she kicked me out like I was some pool-cleaning-ass fuckboy whose only job description included getting her off and then going the hell home. That shit was insulting as hell, especially when you consider how serious about her I was getting. It pissed me off so I went to Que's for a revenge fuck.

While I was there it finally hit me how much Quinn was hurting and for how long she'd been in pain. I knew just from watching the girl that she wasn't doing too good. But before that I never realized how much it threw Quinn's ass to be a teen mom who gave her baby away immediately after birth. I had told myself junior year that Quinn was a trouper, and probably okay. But I was wrong… Since it was my fault that the girl had to go through all that shit, I decided it was only fair for me to do my part towards making her feel better. It was easy too. I held her, and we talked. At the time I knew I probably shouldn't have told Quinn about me doing Shelby. But I was reeling -mad as hell. Plus, I wanted to put just as much energy into fixing Quinn as the club was putting into helping Santana. In my own defense, it _did _seem to help.

Our last Glee rehearsal that week was probably the most dramatic and unnecessarily eventful hour of my life. Quinn was shooting daggers at Rachel and me. She kept making all these snide ass comments about inappropriate behavior. Rachel told us she was banned from competing at Sectionals, and everybody was feeling pretty dejected. Rachel's problem was pretty fucked up, and it opened up a whole different pile of bullshit for us New Directions to wade through. Eventually, we got around it, but sometimes I still wish "Sam Evans" hadn't been the best solution we could come up with.

* * *

**A/N: Can I just say, that when I re-watched **_Mash Off _**in order to write this chapter… I was struck by an overwhelming desire to jump on Puck? **

**Like I was really, actually turned on by a fictional character.**

**And I don't judge Shelby one iota for getting up on that. Mark Salling as Puck is the worst kind of man-whore conundrum for a sista trying to do the right thing. I only hope that in real life, the dude is actually shy and sweet. Because Puck? That guy takes pimplicious and swaggerific to new levels of unfair, and I feel for any females in his path. I mean, he just LOOKS like he has tricks up his fucking sleeve for turning bitches out. **

**Poor Shelby…**

**Anyway, next chapter Sam comes back! I have to admit, that sometimes when really cute Samcedes scenes happen, I have trouble looking directly at them. Like when Sam sneaks backstage to see Mercedes perform **_**I Will Survive/Survivor**_**, or the couple sang **_**Summer Nights**_**. I still haven't sat through a full viewing of **_**Human Nature**_**, because I can't bear to see all the adorable ass flirting. So the next one is really hard for me to write. Stay tuned though…it's shaping up great.**

**Until next time…**


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N: Okay, this chapter is my attempt to remind everyone about all of the different ways Samcedes pretty much made S3 of Glee watchable. I don't know about all of you, but I get a little bit annoyed whenever I join Tumblr conversations about Samcedes. We all pretty much agree that the couple was too damn cute for words, yet nobody in a position of power cares to address anything real about their relationship. It's just so obvious (to me, at least) that the writers didn't like how popular the pairing was compared to others... The Powers That Be probably regretted taking any shine away from the faves…or whatever. So the pairing went the way of the dinosaurs.**

**But S3 was basically built around Sam and Mercedes' relationship. After Sam got back, their little angst re-played heavily…over and over in every fucking episode. Cuteness…flirting…obviously heartfelt feelings. It all happened; we didn't make it up. And Puck saw it all!**

**Even though my Samcedes thirst has waned a lot due to S4 shit I felt it was my duty to have Puck comment on all the sweetness. My Puck is observant, makes insightful parallels, and doesn't forget shit! And its okay, because he's gonna use all his knowledge later on anyway. This torture won't last past Chapter 15, I promise.**

**I can't forget my faithful reviewers, either…Illiandyandra, Goalihta-Leigh, AnniKay, box5angel, NeneJPhilly, and LudaNeet, thank you all for your kind words since my last update!**

**Illyandyandra and Annikay helped me out with suggestions for this chapter and I owe them a huge thanks!**

**Also, a serious round of applause for cmpunkfangurl! She suggested some of the dream sequences a long time ago…instances where Mercedes' character is styled cutely or when they actually write her as girly or flirty. We bonded via inbox over the way all of that stuff is overlooked for Mercedes on the regular. And we both agreed Puck wouldn't ever be guilty of making that mistake. It took awhile…but almost all your suggestions made their way in this chapter, along with a few other ones So I hope you like it girl!**

**In fact, I hope all of you dig it…so without further ado…**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Glee or the characters of Glee. **

* * *

**Game the Fuck On**

I guess you could say that I had real mixed feelings about Trouty's ass coming back to Ohio for Sectionals. On the one hand, I was glad as hell that the boy had returned, because it meant that we would have a fighting chance of winning onstage…that right there is the whole point of Glee, right? Being better than the other choirs. And his coming back meant we might get to keep competing. But on the other hand, I was worried about what the shit meant for Mama. I mean, her ex coming back just to squash her group at competition? Jones had to have been feeling some kinda way about that bullshit; plus, her relationship with Tinsley was on the line, too. All that junk Mercedes had been spouting off about Samcedes being a fling or whatever was a bunch of goddamn lies…I knew seeing Evans would be hard on Jones. So I was glad my ass was nowhere around when Finn suggested to our teacher that we go get his ass to compete. That was definitely one conversation I was more than happy to stay the fuck out of.

However, I _was_ the one who brought the name "Sam" up in conversation the day before Finn made his big suggestion to Schuester. Which means that I was at least partially responsible for everything that happened after that.

See, the Sunday before Sectionals, all us Glee dudes were over in Finn and Kurt's backyard going over our numbers together. The songs were all Jackson Family stuff, which both Artie and Mike were going a little nutty about. Mike kept declaring that our dance moves had to get the whole audience up and moving, and Artie insisted that everybody had to be in top form musically. So we shut 'em up by agreeing to extra practice time…and they were riding us kinda hard. Anyway, it was me, Finn, Kurt, Mike, Artie, and Blaine; since Britts had already picked up Rory so he could go Skype his family back wherever the hell he comes from. At one point we were all taking a break and copping a squat on the lawn.

Finn, by that time, was feeling pretty guilty about all the shit he'd thrown at Mama during Booty Camp right before she left. He was completely over trying to convince motherfuckers that his girlfriend was the only star in New Directions and deserved special treatment. Plus, he'd already seen the _CandyMan_ dancing so he knew he was dead wrong for saying the shit. Finn got the shit started by asking the rest of us dudes what we may have said or done differently if we had a chance to do that day all over again.

Everybody was quiet for a few seconds before Mike finally spoke up.

"If I could go back, I guess I probably would have made sure to tell Mercedes that I understood how overextended she was feeling back then."

Blaine turned bodily and asked, "What do you mean?"

"You know…" Mike continued. "…during that time we were all being spread pretty thin. Mercedes wasn't exactly exaggerating that day she showed up late and too full to dance."

I agreed with him by jerking my chin in his direction.

" And personally, I can admit to having a bunch of different things on my plate. Sometimes it got really hard to juggle them all. I was running Booty Camp, helping the Titans with their number for play auditions, playing football. And my grades were suffering, so my Dad was riding my ass, too…"

We all nodded, because we remembered Mike going a little bit nutso around that time.

"…but I got through it all by concentrating on what I loved best. I threw myself into helping the football team learn the 'Cool' footwork, and focused on my audition. In the end everything else just fell into place, I guess."

"So you would have told 'Cedes… what?" Artie asked.

"I honestly don't know, specifically," Mike admitted. "I could have advised Mercedes to do vocal exercises in her down time during Booty Camp. Or maybe suggest that she work with some of the New Directions who were better dancers than singers. Cause if I'm the best dancer, then she's d_efinitely_ the best singer. Schue should have been running camps for all of it if he really wants to win."

"That's true!" Blaine agreed.

"Yeah, that might have made Mercedes feel a lot less persecuted," Artie chimed in.

"Exactly," Mike said, nodding. "If camp had been more fun for Mercedes she may not have left despite the frustrating dance moves."

I totally coulda seen that shit working, in retrospect…Chang gets good grades for a reason. Plus, if we were gonna be a singing group who dances then it would have made a lot more sense for us to rehearse doing them both at the same time.

Kurt cut in, "That probably would have persuaded Rachel to come to practice, too. Which is half the reason she got so mad that day. If we'd have acted more like a team, Mercedes never would have felt so picked on."

I was probably the only one out there who realized that she _was_ being picked on my Schue… but I kept that shit quiet and asked Hummel, "Well, what about you?" I ain't even gonna lie; I was feeling kinda pissy towards the Fairy for pretending like he actually gave a shit. All of his, "I'm just as talented as you" fuckery at Booty Camp had added to the problem.

"What about me, Noah?" he asked, innocently.

"I'm saying, dude… What would you have done differently? Cause I know your ass realizes by now the shit you _did_ say made everything worse…"

Kurt looked at me like a deer caught in a pair of headlights before admitting, "I suppose I can admit that my selfishness more than likely played a part in Mercedes' defection."

That was all I needed to hear…and probably something Mama wanted to hear, too.

"And I know now that I was somewhat premature in my support of Rachel during West Side Story auditions."

Finn shot Hummel a glare, which Kurt turned right back on his ass.

"What?" Kurt defended. "I'm only saying that it probably didn't help matters on the Mercedes front…there's no way she couldn't see that I'd been assuming Rachel would get the part. And it hurt her; we were besties for so long…"

"But Rachel did a great job!" Finn blustered. He just didn't get it.

"True," Kurt allowed. "But she totally threw me under the bus during my second Tony try-out. The directors laughed in my face during my monologue, and Rachel joined right in. I'm not saying that I lost the role because of her; after all, we ended up with the best Tony ever…" He shot Blaine a lovesick gaze. "…But in light of what I know now, I could have shown my bestie more support and maybe changed her mind about leaving Glee."

He wasn't wrong…Berry stole his thunder during that shit storm, and during class president elections, too. And that's some shit Jones wouldn't do to any-damn-body. It looked like everybody else agreed…even Finn's ass.

"Not to mention all the time you _didn't _spend with her over the summer, Kurt" Blaine chided gently. "We made plans, but never once managed to actually hang out with Mercedes. And you had all the time in the world for me and Rachel." I knew even back then that Blaine has a real hard-on for 'Cedes…he's fascinated by her ass. Literally. And her voice gives the dude gay-wood.

"Blaine!" Kurt was shocked. "I was working on my play!"

"And eating fro-yo every Sunday night," Artie cut in. I guess he must have seen Gayberry enjoying themselves at TCBY or something.

"Plus coffee on Wednesdays," Mike added.

"Okay, okay…" Kurt finally accepted the blame. "…I unintentionally cut Mercedes off. I found myself wrapped in a lovey-dovey bubble, on a haze of Broadway dreams…making everything but Mercedes a priority. It's no wonder she felt so left behind and isolated. It must…must have been miserable for her…"

I couldn't stand by and watch 'ol boy drown himself in pity for Mama…cause I knew her summer had started out pretty fucking good. So I let him know he could stop kicking himself. "Hummel, tuck your hanky back inside your sleeve…" He quit pouting long enough to shoot me the bird. "…Jones was cool this past summer. She spent it wrapped all around Evans; and believe me, he kept her plenty busy."

"Sam?" Finn looked confused, like always. "Why was she hanging out with Sam? Was it like, for charity, cause he's so poor?"

"Yeah, Puck…and how the hell do you know about it?" asked Wheels.

"Those two dated hard-core, Hudson. Evans made sure Jones was occupied, believe me!" I waggled my eyebrows and everybody, even Finn, got the message.

"That's not true!" Kurt exploded. "Puck, Artie…everybody who follows JBI's blog knows they dated some. But from my understanding, those two were nothing more than good friends having a summer fling. Sweet kisses by the lake, babysitting his siblings, carnival rides…I'm sure they enjoyed themselves, and the relationship more than likely kept their minds off less pleasant matters; but trust me, it was also completely innocent!"

He turned to Blaine "You know how glad I am to know Sam was there for Mercedes when I wasn't around; but I know her, and wouldn't want anyone to get the wrong impression...their summer romance was all in the name of fun."

"Oh, they had fun alright…" I agreed. "…naked fun!"

Everybody other than Kurt burst out laughing.

"Get some, Evans!" Mike joked.

"Playa, playa…" Artie chimed in.

"Yeah, way to go Sam!" Blaine added.

"Blaine, don't listen to him…Pucks full of unmitigated crap!"

I stopped laughing when my character was called into question. Because I may be an ass, but I'm not a lying ass. Plus, Hummel had just got through admitting that he'd left Mama behind. What the hell was he playing at; trying to suggest he knew something I didn't?

"Whatevs, Homo." I threw my damp sweat-towel and hit him right in the eye…he responded by pullin some sort of baby wipe looking shit outta his pocked and dabbing at his cheeks. "Sam came over to my house a bunch of times before he moved to jawbone with me about his relationship with Mama. I was the only one in the clique that figured out they were dating at the end of the school year, and sometimes he needed to talk. He told me when they were still a secret, and fighting about it." I ticked off on my fingers. "He told me when he was worried about Tinsley stealing his girl, and he sat on my bed crying about how much he loved the chick after he found out about Kentucky. Plus, I know a pussy-whipped motherfucker when I see one!"

"Puck _is _very familiar in the ways of the recently de-virginized…" Artie commented.

"Yeah…that's right." I agreed. "And dude was totally sprung. Probably still is, for that matter…and if I'm being honest, she's more than likely right there with him. When was the last time you heard about a chick giving up her cherry and not catching feelings?"

"Oh, my!" Kurt had tears forming in his eyes; I could tell the exact moment he realized my ass was right. "Mercedes has done so much…grown up really; without me around to offer any support! I have to make amends…Some kind of way, I owe her that much."

I agreed. "You'll figure something out, Hummel."

"So you're saying that Sam still has feelings for Mercedes and Mercedes still loves him too?" Finn had been quiet all this time and I honestly almost forgot his ass was there.

I nodded.

"Which means that if we get him back here for Sectionals then it could throw TroubleTones off?"

Dirty-playing motherfucker. But I nodded again.

"Guys…I think I have an idea that'll guarantee a New Directions victory!"

So Finn and Rachel brought Evans back and didn't waste any goddamn time telling the whole school how they'd found him in a stripping bar…complete with happy hour buffet and horny ass housewives. He arrived just in time for rehearsal, and proceeded to show his ass getting everybody on the same page with his song. Everybody dug it, but it made me feel weird as hell. I was already uncomfortable as shit, because by then Quinn knew about me and Shelby. And I was apprehensive about the funny-looking Jazz band members we were actually gonna let onstage. Evans and his little country jamboree just told me shit was gonna get weirder before things went back to normal.

Speaking of which, I wondered at the time if everybody in the room was as shocked by how different Trouty was when he got back. I mean, he was taller and had a haircut. So he looked different. And the dude was wearing a shirt that he looked like he'd been painted into. At the time I kinda figured he'd been working out to improve his stripper-ella moves and wasn't buying new clothes in his new size to save money. But one good conversation with the dude let me know he probably wore that shit tight on purpose to show off his body. Because my boy? He'd changed on the inside too. He was more confident, almost cocky. And he wasn't giving a damn about looking cool at school anymore, which I actually understood and respected. Dude stayed cool when Satan went off on her big-mouth tangent instead of flipping out like he did when she sang Trouty Mouth. Then he was all about the sexy dance moves and shit during rehearsal, to the point where he started pushing Anderson around. He was definitely on some new shit.

After rehearsal was over, most of us Glee bros went over to Hummel's again, this time without Blaine and Kurt there…Trouty was still a little pissed at Anderson for all the slut-shaming, so the Gay-Bros decided to work on performance costumes at his house instead. The rest of us were working through the new choreography and filling Evans in on all the drama he missed when he wasn't around.

Now, I'd heard some pretty interesting shit about Sam by the time we told him the rest of us would be following him home to the Hudmels…Apparently, he'd caught up with 'Cedes in the halls after his face off with Anderson and declared to everybody in the vicinity that he was gonna get her ass back. So when we finished going over dance moves for the three hundredth time then sat down in the den to rest, I already had a pretty good idea of where his head was at. I knew he was way the fuck over Quinn, that he gave zero fucks about Jones' big ass boyfriend, and that he would be hungry for any information that would help him get back in her panties. 'Ole boy didn't disappoint me at all.

We discussed a lot of stuff actually; like the mash-off, West Side Story, Rachel getting suspended, and Que going off the rails. But Trouty wasn't even pretending to be interested. The only thing on his mind were the TroubleTones…namely, the leader of the TroubleTones. He asked what kinda music they liked to sing, and nodded appreciatively when we mentioned all the Adele songs we'd seen them perform. He asked what they wore for performances, smiling like a loony bird as Artie described all the costumes we'd seen…even fist pumped a little when I pulled out my phone and showed him the_ Candy Man_ outfits. He wanted to know who their "Rachel" was, and said "Good," when we told him it was Mama. Then he quit fucking around and straight up asked about how the split affected Jones.

"You guys keep saying that Mercedes quit first, then a couple of weeks later recruited Satan and Britt." Evans started. "But I don't understand something…why didn't you guys get her back before it got that far?"

"Sam, you weren't around…" Mike answered. "…so you couldn't possibly understand. There was a lot of drama involved; Mercedes wasn't gonna listen to us after that!"

"Oh, _I _don't understand how stubborn Mercedes is?" He challenged. "_Me_? No…try harder. Make me understand. I wanna know."

"Okay," Artie tried, taking a deep breath before starting. "It was like, the confrontation that ultimately resulted in the split had been a long time coming. Like a wound, festering…there was so much damage already done before things got to that level. Then when the big confrontation started, most of us were scared to say anything in case it made things even worse…"

"Plus," I chimed in. "…the only people who spoke up actually _did_ make it worse. And by the time Jones got her new group together she was too far gone." In my case Mama looked too damn happy for me to try and shut it down.

"Honestly, all I'm hearing here is that you guys didn't even try!" Sam spat out. "Y'all have heard all the gossip by now. You know we spent the summer together before I left. So I get Mercy…she's the best person in the world to have around when something shitty happens in your life. Because her heart's so big."

He turned to Mike. "I've heard that girl call New Directions a family more times than I can count. She loved being a part of the group. And she'd never turn her back on family…"

Then he shot a glare at Artie, who looked sheepish.

"…unless they turned on her first!" He was visibly pissed and ready to go the hell off, I could tell.

"Sam's right," Mike agreed. "And that's exactly what happened. Mercedes felt like Schuester and the rest of us didn't appreciate her talent, so she took it elsewhere."

"But, see…it's gotta be more than that, too!" Evans argued. "Because Mercedes might have left in a fit of anger, but she never would have stayed away unless singing with the other group made her happy…or if she thought she was better off where she was! She's changed…something has changed her. And you're not telling me what it is!"

"What do you mean, changed?" asked Finn. "Because she doesn't seem that different to me…"

"Well, she is!" Sam let him know. "First of all, she looks different. I know her better than you guys; I've held her in my arms and put my hands everywhere on that body she'd let me touch…"

Me and Artie fist bumped while Finn muttered "Mailman," and Mike blushed his ass off.

"…and she's lost at least twenty pounds since the summer. Plus, she told the whole damn school that I was 'So June,' when six months ago I was her one and only love. Mercedes doesn't sit with you guys at lunch anymore, and she's not interested in anything but her new group and her new man. That's _not_ my Cedes!"

"Well, she's not your 'Cedes anymore," I told him. "People grow up and change…"

"And the weight?" He ignored my comment. "I mean, has she been eating? Are the TroubleTone workouts and dance rehearsals just that grueling, or is Cedes skipping meals?"

"Probably a little bit of both, man…" I answered. "…All the rest of the TroubleTones are athletes, and Mama is their leader…she's more than likely doing double-time to keep up."

"He's right," Mike agreed.

"And the eating?"

I shrugged. "I suppose I've caught her a few times skipping lunch when something was on her mind real heavy…"

Sam glared at me.

"Hey, don't look at me like that, man. I told her to go eat something once or twice. But it backfired when eating off campus made her late to Booty Camp…"

"That's what that whole Quiznos thing was about?" Artie asked.

"Yeah…that bullshit was all my fault," I replied. Evans seemed to calm down so I addressed him again. "Anyway, you keep forgetting that you weren't around to witness this shit. You called us family, and Jones was all about family…but it didn't feel like family in the auditorium when she left."

"Mercedes felt picked on that day," Artie added.. "Finn defended Rachel, but Cedes was defending herself..."

Finn looked dejected and guilty. "Well what about you?" He pointed at Robo-Nerd. "You took Maria from her, and even _Rachel _admitted to me that Mercedes was better." Artie looked shocked, and to be honest I was too. Finn probably wasn't supposed to tell that little bit. "We all played a part…" Finn finished.

"And when you all figured this shit out did anybody apologize?" Sam huffed and puffed. "I mean…by now you've all seen them perform! Has anybody _finally_ gone up to Mercedes and told her New Directions respects her talent?"

"No…" Mike admitted. "…I would have, but I never really had the chance to. Mercedes doesn't have much time for any of us these days..."

Everybody except me agreed.

"So reading between the lines, what you're saying here is Mercedes has a new life and she's okay if you guys aren't part of it?"

Mike nodded.

"Its just so damn frustrating, guys," Sam rolled over on his stomach on the floor and rested his chin in his palms. "Not to mention, completely fucked up. I came back here expecting things to be exactly the same as when I left. Us dodging slushies together, and meeting up in the auditorium during study hall. We were all so tight before…"

Everybody in the room looked sad as shit.

"The only New Directions member I saw Mercedes talk to all day in school was Puck!" He continued. "And now I find out it's all because you dudes are too chickenshit to let her know we need her?"

"Hey, dude…calm down." I cut in. "Mike just told you she's steering clear of our asses on purpose... We can't force her to stay close to everybody. And anyway, Mama doesn't need us around to let her know what she's worth…her man takes care of all that shit..."

"He's right," agreed Artie.

"I agree," Blaine added.

"… I don't think he'd really understand her being all buddy-buddy with the members of a rival team, anyway," I continued. "I mean, would you hang out hardcore with somebody you were trying to beat the shit out of?"

"So you're saying Tinsley's been telling her to give y'all space?" Sam asked. After we shrugged, he went on. "Well, fuck that dude! He spent most of the summer trying to break the two of us up. Now I come back here and find out Mercedes thinks he's the only one in her corner?"

"You're not gonna like, throw the competition or anything are you?" Finn sorta changed the subject. "You know, to get her back… Because if the TroubleTones win at Sectionals then we can kiss New Directions goodbye. Santana and Mercedes might let Quinn and Tina join 'em, but there's no way in hell they'll invite Rachel. Even if the director is Rachel's mom. We _have_ to win if you want to get the family back together."

"Shut the hell up, Hudson…" I told him. …Evans wouldn't do us in on purpose. Plus, he wants to stay in Lima; and if we lose he has to go back to Kentucky."

Sam seemed to think for a minute. "I wouldn't perform bad just to impress Mercedes. You ought to know me better than that, Finn" He glared at his new housemate. "I got half a mind to beg off the competition, not even gonna lie about that…I'm pretty fucking pissed at all of you."

He looked around the room.

"But Puck's right…If I want 'Cedes back then I have to be in Ohio. And who in the hell knows how long it's gonna take?" He bit his lip. "So I'm gonna bring it at competition, so the girls will all rejoin and we can have a great rest of the year. I just hope we can pull it all off!"

So we went over the choreography again, and picked on Evans some for dancing around in a pair of tight ass red booty shorts. Then me, Mike and Artie went home.

Game day came and we were all nervous as hell. We tried to psych each other up as much as possible, but I could tell everybody missed having Mama and the girls there with us while we got ready. There was a little bit of drama when the TroubleTones showed up backstage looking all kinds of sexy in their silver dresses, because Tana offended a bunch of people by offering to let any of us join if ND lost. But she wasn't being a total bitch, I could tell… it was just a misunderstanding.

There were a bunch of misunderstandings going on to be honest. I found out later that Quinn had threatened to get Shelby fired for fucking me right before we performed. And apparently, Kurt and his boy were having some drama concerning some dude trying to get in Blaine's tighty-witeys. But we put all that shit aside long enough to go cheer the girls on; then we put on our own show. In the end, we won and Shelby left…plus, the girls came back on the promise of one song per competition. So everything worked out in the end.

* * *

**Chopped and Screwed**

You know, one thing that always frustrated my ass about the whole Samcedes relationship, outside of the obvious, is the way those two acted all brand new after they got together. Regardless of whatever their reasons were for keeping the relationship shit a secret, I always thought they went too far when it came to hiding how much they meant to one another. I mean, those two were cool before they hooked up; real cool… Anybody could see that shit. Evans was the one holding up the "Hell No" sign when Mama sang her original song, and they were all about the fist-bumps and high-fives when the girls joined the football team with us. You already know they were in complete agreement about kicking Karofsky's ass right before Satan dumped Evans, and I heard about how Sam straightened right the hell up in his chair when Mama shook her ass singing Tina Turner. They were friends… and acting like strangers all of a sudden was weird as fuck.

Right around the time Sam got back, I started and dwelling on that shit in my spare time… remembering all the occasions where I'd seen the two of 'em acting all close with my own two eyes. And the night after Sectionals –when we all finally left the auditorium following the _We Are Young_ performance- I started having dreams about the shit. Pretty much every time Sam went balls to the wall getting his woo on, my unconscious brain focused on another one of my memories while I slept.

Like for instance, that first night I mentioned. I had seen Trouty sneaking backstage to watch Mama shake her thang in all that silver, and I totally noticed how he couldn't keep his eyes off of her when we all made up and sang…especially when Quinn made a big show out of bringing Jones up onstage and cuddling her ass to death. I went to bed that night and the first image my unconscious brain settled on was Mercedes and Sam, the previous year….wearing their _Singing In The Rain/Umbrella_ costumes. Most of the team probably forgot that those two were dance partners during that shit; since all the water was hella distracting and the umbrellas and slickers distorted everybody so much. Plus, all us guys were hard to tell apart because of the hats or whatever. And all us kids took a backseat to Schuester and Holliday, anyway…them being such ball hogs.

But like I said, Mama and Sam were partners. So the NDs finished the performance and immediately got into a water fight. And it was fun as hell. But at one point somebody –okay, me- got a little crazy bucket-bombing the girls and Mama got splashed square in the face. She didn't trip or whatever…girly actually laughed when she finally opened her eyes back up. But there was a lot of sputtering and shit going on for a second, too. I remembered how Evans had been the one to lead Jones backstage and help her dry off. Then they stayed back there and sat on a sofa to chew the fat while the rest of us kept playing. In my dream, I switched places with Trouty; so while Dream-He had fun in the water and concentrated on putting in some extra face time with Quinn, I was the one helping Jones get dry and hanging out. I felt like she and I had finally become the kind of friends who no longer needed a group around to get along. And it was nice to know Mama trusted me like that…I know wiping water off somebody's face ain't exactly hard to do, but it still qualifies as taking care of 'em! Plus Dream-Me enjoyed the one-on-one time so much he chose to stay back there, instead of trying to get the girls to have a wet tee shirt contest. Making that kinda decision wasn't something a younger Puck would have ever done; and it was a good feeling, up until I woke up. Now I know I was probably just reacting to the dead-ass serious way Evans was coming for Jones; but at the time I didn't realize it and my dream was confusing as fuck. I walked around all kinds of sleepy the whole next day at school.

The next time I had a crazy dream was right after Mama did _All I Want For Christmas Is You_ in the choir room. As always, she laid the song out and did the damn thang. But she also surprised me by flirting with Evans a little bit while she sang the lyrics. I guess in some ways it makes sense to say the shit didn't mean anything…Cause we were all back together, feeling all close for the first time in months. And _everybody_ in the group was happy and getting along good. But that tinsel-looping shit, and all the meaningful-looking eye contact was a little bit extra; especially when you consider that fact that she wasn't doing that shit with anybody else. Evans was eating it up, too; loving every damn minute of attention Mama gave him.

Before that day, I was pretty sure Jones was gonna be real dedicated to ignoring Evans and all his fuckery. Yeah, she may have turned her back and smiled at his antics in the hallway after dude made his big ass declaration. But I know her…she's loyal as hell. To my way of thinking, Sam coming back to McKinley was never gonna be enough to make Mama dog Tinsley; so I figured that grin was all Blondie would ever get on the flirtations front…a cute smirk from halfway down the hall that his ass couldn't even see.

But after Mama mouthed the words to her song right into Evans' face and smirked as he followed her with his eyes in the classroom; I changed my mind. Mama was feeling the attention big-time, I could tell. So my dream that night was all about this other time I'd caught them flirting on the sly.

Again, my memory focused on something that happened Junior year; at Kurt's dad's wedding. Mama and the Fairy had been dancing at the reception following Finn's little love song to him. Sam and Que were sitting together at a table and whispering shit back and forth…probably a chorus of "…you're the most blonde, Babe…" , "…no, Sweetie; you're the blondest!" and "…your eyes are greener than mine, though…", "…that's not true;_ you_ have the greenest eyes!" Anyway Quinn loves to dance, and she stood up and demanded that Sam take her for a spin. So they get over to where Kurtcedes was cutting a rug and my Babymama decided to cut in on 'em…probably for some congratulations/wedding etiquette bullshit. Which left Sam and Mercedes there to dance together. I'm just gonna be honest and tell you that those two were fucking adorable, even back then. The bridesmaids dress Mama wore made her skin look sun-kissed, and she had this happy-ass expression all over her face while she giggled and twirled. Sam bent over real low a lot to speak into her ear…more than likely a lame ass impression or a stupid-as-hell joke. And Cedes enjoyed the fuck outta whatever he was saying. He looked pleased to have truly entertained her, and she looked grateful to the dude for paying her some real, honest-to-goodness attention. They danced like that to maybe four different songs that night, and in my dream I replaced Trouty every damn time.

In that particular fantasy, I know Dream-Me was proud as fuck to dance Mama around the reception hall all night long. And he looked right into her eyes whenever those whispered conversations started up. She flirted with me, made me feel comfortable… It was the kind of "dating" situation I actually never really had. My thang with every other girl in my life up until the wedding was casual as hell. I wasn't like Sam and Finn But seeing myself do the romantic lovey-dovey stuff, even in a dream, was kinda refreshing.

In retrospect, it was a pretty hectic week for us Glee kids; we got to be on TV, and I went all kinds of rockabilly with my axe on screen… Then Glee club went to a shelter and put on a show for some poor folks. But the thing I remember most about it was seeing 'Cedes and Sam acting all cutesy. I know now that all the Christmas flirting was what made me remember and dream about the wedding, but again…I hadn't expected to see myself in the starring role.

During the week where our Glee assignment was to pick out a proposal song for Schue and Pillsbury I learned some things. Actually, everybody in the class did…During lunch before Glee class us dudes had cornered Sam and finally made him dish about his summer with Mama. And I know I talk a good game about being the only one Blondie came to when he needed to get shit off his chest back then, but I ain't gonna deny it…I was almost as curious about details as the rest of the motherfuckers. Evans wasn't the type to brag about conquests or whatever, but we all could tell his summer had been awesome. When he laid a few details on the table for us, the shit was all over his face. He talked about how crazy they were about each other and how they got caught making out under the docks at some beach where the two of 'em had vacationed. Bragged about saving her life when she got a cramp swimming….dude even admitted to the two of them saying "I love you." Some of what Sam was spitting was way too fucking perfect-sounding to be 100% true; it was straight out of a rom-com, and the girls told me his story had a few discrepancies compared to Mercedes' version anyway. But underneath all the bullshit I could tell my home-boy was reliving some real sweet memories. Finn even accused his ass of bragging!

Later that day I was coming down the hall and noticed Cedes wiping some slushie out of Evans' eyes. He'd joined the gay swim team or some shit, and some of the hockey team dicks had double slushy-bombed his ass. I felt for him at first, because you know that shit was cold as fuck, and the assholes caught him right in the kisser. But after about thirty seconds of watching Mama baby Evans I changed my mind about the sympathy. Whatever reason Sam had for doing that water ballet shit…he might have been tying to beef up extracurricular so he could get a scholarship one day, or maybe the dude just missed being allowed to work out in the weight room at school. Hell, for all I know Sam did it for the letterman; cause that motherfucker sure as hell wore the thing every damn day. But whatever his reason was, the shit had a mighty good side effect for him on the Cedes front. Mama was actually touching Evans willingly in the hall; for the first time since he'd returned. And I heard her refer to Blondie as a friend when blocking-ass Tinsley showed up to mark his territory. I heard all of it, and in my mind it was a pretty big milestone for the dude.

That night I had another dream, and by that time I was kinda looking forward to it. I liked seeing myself play the role of Evans during a bunch of pre-romantic Samcedes moments. It was like, Puckcedes…the remix! This time my brain chopped and screwed that time when the girls joined the football team so we Titans could compete in the playoff. In real life, what caught my attention was the way those two bonded over _Thriller/Heads Will Roll_. Neither one had a solo or anything; Artie claimed the MJ song first and who in the hell would cast anybody but Tana's ass as head demon-lady? But Samcedes definitely had a good time helping each other out with the zombie makeup. Posed and took a bunch of pics together afterward and everything. Mama's black lipstick, scars and red wig were kinda hot, in a fucked up way. Although that ugly ass gril was doing way too much… And Trouty's makeup was probably the best in the whole bunch. I honestly couldn't even tell it was him after he went all "Shaun of the Dead" on his own face. On the field during the number those two traded off Artie-wheelchair duty, and I know I caught at him winking at Mama once or twice. Also, at one point during the dance break Sam and Mercedes ended up close together…and I swear he had his hands on her waist. Plus, they were the ones responsible for recording all the shrieks and screams beforehand that were a part of the music we played while we sang…

I dreamt it was me, spending all that time getting the soundtrack right, bonding and making a good team. And it was fun in a way that Junior year Puck never really considered hanging with a girl could be. I guess what I took from that dream was that the best relationships all probably start out uncomplicated, and amusing. I was happy to learn the lesson, even in my sleep. And I know in my heart that the shit was just me reacting to all the TMI and knowing those two were getting closer, but I still woke up all kinds of happy the next day.

Michael Jackson week was probably the most frustrating week of my whole damn life. Not just because my boy Anderson bragged about our set list to the competition, and not just because the damn Garglers were on that sabotage bullshit. My boy redeemed himself by taking a rock-salt slushie for his Boo, anyway. It was mostly frustrating because that was when I found out about 'Cedes cheating on her dude with Sam.

I was in fourth period study hall, carving "Ozzy Rules" into one of the desks with my box cutter…when that dude I always call "Johnny Tromboner" from Jazz Band passed his phone over to me. Us Glee kids had gotten pretty tight with them, ever since they agreed to save our asses at Sectionals. So we all got into the habit of inviting 'em when we went to eat at the Stixx; and anytime one of us has a kick-back at their house we'd let two or three of them know so they could join us. Those dudes saved our asses big-time, and we were all grateful as hell. So I found out, due to the fact me and Johnny take a bunch of classes together, that those Jazz Band chumps got a lot of free entertainment by playing music for the New Directions. Brad too. They were all so damn quiet in the background during rehearsals and shit, that we were always forgetting they were there whenever drama popped off. But every time one of us Glee dudes got a girl alone for a serenade; one of those freaks record the shit. They'd never tell the rest of the school about us…Music types have to stick together at McKinley, and they had way too much loyalty for that shit, anyway. But talk about our asses behind our backs and shit? That was right up Jazz Band alley.

So I take a look at the video John had pulled up on his Droid, right? And it turns out that Sam had taken advantage of that week's lesson so he could go all in on 'Cedes. Pulled out all the big guns…He knows Mama can't resist MJ. I only dated her a week and knew _Human Nature_ was her favorite song… and if she admitted it to me, there's no way in hell Trouty didn't know, too. In the video, Sam tried to talk Jones into singing with him, then she said no and turned tail like a good girl. But Evans started playing that motherfucker anyway. From what I could see…Mama tried her best to resist Blondie's ass, but she was pretty much powerless, considering the circumstances.

She'd turned back around by the time Evans had played three bars on his guitar, singing like hell. They danced together, flirted and shit…and at the end 'ole boy went in for the kill. Mama didn't even play like she wasn't feeling the lip-lock action…even smiled her ass off after that one ended. Then they went in for another smooch and ended up making out with him until the damn bell rung. After I replayed it twice, I looked over at John to see him pretending to wipe sweat off his brow. Instead of just sitting there all open-mouthed and confused, I pumped my fist so he'd think I was proud of my home-boy.

That night as I slept I dreamed about the Rocky Horror play that never happened. No, I wasn't there at the time…I was busy defending my waffles from Juvie punks. But you know Finn sent me pictures, and I'd seen the movie enough times to picture it in my mind. In my vision, I saw myself dressed in the Creature's little ass shorts while Jones performed _I Can Make You A Man. _I was working out with barbells and shit while Mama -wearing only her lab coat and a sexy smirk- trailed her hands along my ab muscles. And I remember smiling all big and feeling kinda shy about having her hands on me like that. Then I got down to do pushups as she humped the work-horse and acted all suggestive. Which was kind of a relief, since usually people expect _me _to play the sex-shark. At the end she pushed me up against the wall so she could lay a hot ass kiss on my lips; a kiss I was way past ready to accept and enjoy. I mean, yeah…the shit was so fucking hot I woke up sweaty and horny, but it was also nice to let her take the wheel with me.

I guess I would have known, even without seeing the kiss, that Mercedes and Sam were on the road to reconciliation that week. I mean, there were a lot of really obvious signs. Like when we sang _Bad_ in the Dalton parking lot, Evans was so serious about holding Mama back it wasn't funny. She was gonna lodge her cute little foot all the way up the ass of the dude who tried to take out Hummel, but Sam wouldn't let her…I could tell he thought her anger was hot, though. Shit, I agreed with his ass. And when we sang _Black Or White _you could tell whole "song-about-interracial-love" was giving 'ole boy life. Whole lot of meaningful expressions and shit being passed back and forth during that number. Not to mention the song Quinn sang and dedicated to me, him and Finn…Sam barely paid Que any attention; he was too busy looking down at Mama and eye-sexing her to death. But the kiss is probably what tipped me over the edge into happy dreamland. At the time, I didn't exactly appreciate the mind-fuck, even though the dream itself was nice...

* * *

**Crickets…**

So Valentine's day was pretty much a hot ass mess, as Mama would say. I guess the whole shit storm started because that tone-deaf Motta girl declared that she was throwing a party. Part of her disease, Fake Ass-pergers or whatever (although at the time I was pretty sure the bitch just had an acute case of Crazy-Ass) is expecting everybody to listen to her when she makes up arbitrary ass rules. Psycho Bitch told everybody that we were all invited to her little train wreck, but we had to bring somebody because single people make her sad. I found out later that she was raised by her Dad alone…her mother died in childbirth. So these days I understand why Sugar wouldn't wanna spend the most romantic day of the year with a bunch of alone and depressed folks. She got enough of that shit at home. But at the time I thought she was doing some matchmaking shit, since 'ole girl used to be pretty fascinated by Brittana's and Samcedes' love drama.

Let me go off on a tangent here and tell you how I came to bring a whole sorority house to the party. So at that point in the year I had been cleaning the indoor pool and hot tubs at Shelby's condo for about three months…even though her ass was long gone. And management at the complex loved me to death. I was cheaper than bigger firms, since I did all the work myself and didn't have to pay anybody other than my "summer interns," i.e. little baby freaks who wanna get laid over the summer and learn from the master. Plus, I was fast…if they called me at 4pm on Thursday night wanting the shit all ready for the weekend, I had them all set before 7pm rolled around. So the big boss –a dude by the name of Larry Jemison- came to me one day and told me his wife needed a pool cleaner.

His wife, Amy, was the house mother for one of the sorority house over at Lima University. Delta Sigma Kinky, as I like to call it, was this sprawling ass converted mansion right outside city limits. They had a huge ass hot tub and an Olympic-sized underground pool. I know what you're thinking…why in the hell would they be using their pool in the dead of winter? Apparently, these chicks liked to throw theme parties and they were all the time trying to top the ones that rival sororities came up with. So I guess in the tradition of "Christmas In July" soirees, these chicks had rented a big ass wedding marquee and were planning to pump hot water in through the jets. Called it "Bathing Outdoors" or whatever. So Amy contacted me to see if I could handle changing the settings on the water pump, I did, and the party came off without a hitch.

Afterward, the girls decided they wanted to keep me coming around to service their shit. Figured nobody got sick with pneumonia the first time around, and they might as well keep the "hot pool" thing going. So I made time every week to come over and handle business. I'm ashamed to admit it, but I also managed to plow through every single girl in the house. It took me about three weeks all told, but I was on a damned mission.

Now that I think about it, I believe I did that shit because of all the different emotions I was feeling about Mercedes…and I guess Sam too. By that time I knew she'd cheated on her man, which meant I was disappointed in Mama. Plus, I was mad at Evans, for leading such a good girl down the garden path. And I was sort of frustrated with my own ass for still pining over somebody who wasn't even thinking about me. Sure, she and I had some moments over the first few months of Senior Year. And it was true that Mama had admitted to me that our friendship was definitely something she treasured…but that's all it was. A friendship. Add in the fact that those two spent the whole week of Spanish Week serenading one another, even though for some reason they weren't even speaking… and I'd had just about enough. Somewhere in the back of my mind I knew I didn't want to be sitting around all celibate when Mercedes and Sam got back together again. Hell, for all I knew the cheating had already progressed to elicit fucking sessions…so I indulged my ass in a few of my own.

I mowed through that house like a champ; every chick in that bitch was DTF. And made sure to give 'em exactly what a horny coed needed. They were all cute as fuck, and I really had a hard ass time deciding which one I liked the best. Too many different kinds of cute to compare, you dig? And I was all about sampling the different flavors. I used the word "sample," because I only banged a couple of them more than once…the rest were all one hitter then quitters. And I'm gonna go on and admit that the ones I bedded two times or more, were the ones who reminded me of Mama.

Like this one chick named Lacey; a white girl, really short. Compared to her sisters, I guess she could be considered on the bigger side….think about the difference between Berry and Cohen-Chang. One's tiny and completely devoid of booty and tit meat. The other one has everything exactly where it's supposed to be; so she looks bigger by comparison. Lacey was most definitely a hottie with a nice-ass body. What reminded me of Mercedes wasn't her body type though…See, the first time I came to the house to inspect the pump system I had to take a leak. So Amy pointed me in the direction of the first floor bathroom. It was locked, so I knocked and waited for a second or two outside the door. Then I heard somebody inside singing her ass off. Some Adele song. When the girl taking blowing on that shit came out and realized she had an audience, she blushed.

That cute blush face was a lot like Mama's, and reminded me of when Jones goes all shy and shit. So I laid down the charm long enough to take her for a few rides.

And there was also this Black girl named Anna. She was fine, too…even though she looked like the majority of the sorority sisters. 'Ole girl was tall, had long straight hair, wore tight tee shirts, and her body type was tiny with a boob job. During my second visit to the house, she came out to offer me a drink. Made a joke about whether I preferred iced or hot tea, since it was so fucking cold. Flirtation is pretty much second nature to me, and I jokingly asked her if she wanted to take a dip with me in the freezing-ass pool. She took one look at my breath, which was visible in the frost, and said "Hell-To-The-Naw." Which made me wanna take her for three or four spins.

The rest of em, like I said, each only got one turn on the 'Zilla-go-round. And that was the way I liked it. By the time Sugar insisted all us NDs bring a hookup, though, I couldn't decided which one to bring. Arm candy is one of the cornerstones of having a good time at a party; everybody knows that shit. So I just put the shit in their corner by asking all the girls at the same time in the den of the house... them duke it out. When I asked, "Which one of you wants to go?" They all said –in unison, I might add- "We will!" So I took all thirteen of 'em.

So Motta made her big announcement, Sam and Mercedes looked at each other like couple of hungry motherfuckers, then everybody started planning their big "love numbers." I didn't have anybody to sing to, and technically, neither did Evans. But we both agreed to help Artie turn his swag on for Sugar, then spent the rest of the class period watching all the couples go crazy over each other.

That week, I noticed a lot of things going on between Evans and Jones that I wasn't digging at all. I heard Sam mumbling between classes about needing to go home and work on his gift for Mercedes. I saw her sidle up to him at his locker to flirt while they pretended to inspect his chapstick collection. I noticed the way he gestured to her during Artie's big number. Plus those two had resurrected the Celibacy Club and renamed it Teens for Jesus or some shit, and they were going around singing songs to people for a fundraiser. I was floored by the look of pure adoration in Mama's face when Trouty started rapping during _Stereo Hearts_. So I figured Shane was gonna be getting a kiss-goodbye as his big holiday gift, and that Sam would finally get all the lovin' he'd been missing soon.

I was only half right. Mama _did _break up with Shane…she did it at school and the whole team caught him crying about it in the locker room right before off-season workout. Nobody fucked with him though…I mean, would you?

And she _did_ sing a love song for Sam in Glee. But the song, the one Whitney Houston sang in _The Bodyguard_ movie, was a big ass kiss-off. I'm not exactly sure what got into Mama and made her feel like she owed it to herself to be single and let Sam down. If I had to guess though, I'd say somebody in that God Squad said something to her and made her feel hella guilty. I didn't know much about that dreadlock dude at the time, but my money was on Quinn. That's the type of judgment you can always count on her ass for. I already told you I didn't like how all that cheating shit went down, either…but I'd have never said it to Mama's face. Even I ain't a big enough prick to make Jones cry.

So Mercedes sang her song…tears streaming down her cheeks. Sam sat right up front looking like somebody had crushed his nuts and poisoned his dog. The girls in the class (and Kurt) were practically falling on the floor boo-hooing, and us dudes were scared to look at each other just in case the shit was catching. Evans ran outside like his dick was on fire, and nobody was man enough to go catch up to his ass. I think if Mama had sang the country version of that song he might have slit his damn wrists. All in all, every fucking Glee kid went home that afternoon drained and depressed.

Later on was the party, and it was a pretty good indication of what came next. Sam and Mercedes didn't say shit to each other the whole night. Even during the song the God Squad sang for the lezzers. For the next few weeks, all I heard from those two were crickets…

I have to admit that seeing Mama do what she knew was right instead of what she wanted to do was something I appreciated. Made me forget how disappointed in her I was and try to focus on supporting her ass over the next few weeks. Like when Karofsky was getting bullied for being on the down low and tried to off himself. Now to my way of thinking, that dude was a straight up pussy for attempting to go out like that. After all the bullshit he was good for putting other motherfuckers through? He should have just chalked that shit up to Karma and came back to McKinley so he and Kurt could battle it out together. Or maybe Dalton…they had that policy over there for no bullying. Dave could-a learned a thing or three about being a decent human for once. But that fool thought hanging himself in a closet was a better game plan.

I caught Mama after her God Squad meeting, sitting in the classroom, while Trouty, Dread-head, and Quinn talked outside the door about a fruit basket. She was crying her ass off and watching Evans through the door-window.

"You doin' okay, Mama?" I asked as I came through the door.

She grinned though her tears briefly. "Yeah…I'm alright Puck."

"Thinking about Karofsky?"

"I guess…" Mama took a deep breath before asking me a question. "…Puck, did you ever hate Dave?"

I thought about it for a minute before answering truthfully. "Yeah. I did…We were tight for a long-ass time, and he turned on me when I joined Glee. Can't forget that shit if I tried."

"Me, too. I hated him too." She nodded. "Is it wrong, even though I know he was so horrible because he was hurting…that I kind of hate him worse, now?"

I pulled a chair up so I could let her cry into my chest. "What do you mean?"

"It's just…" Mama sniffed. "…Karofsky bullied Kurt so bad he left McKinley. But Kurt never tried to kill himself! Quinn just said that he was selfish for doing what he did…and I hate to admit it but I agree with her…"

"Go on," I probed.

"And now I know Dave did all of that because he liked Kurt. Kurt actually felt responsible for this…"

I shot her a surprised look. Then I thought about what I knew about Dave for most of my life and it made sense.

"… I guess I just hate being reminded of how easy how easy it is to hurt somebody out of love…"

"Like you and Shane?" I guessed.

"Like me and Shane," she confirmed.

"Okay, Mama. Couple-a things you need to hear right now…" I started. She straigtend up to listen. "First of all, Karofsky's a punk. I've watched that closet-case go off on gay kids ever since freshman year; making all their lives a living hell. And as close as we used to be, I never once suspected he was about the booty-sex."

Mama glared at me for being all graphic, and I responded with a Kanye shrug…cuz, I'm all about telling it like it is.

"But if what you say is true, then he's known this about himself for a minute and just didn't wanna deal. That's probably how come he ended up hurting Kurt. You let shit like that fester, and eventually start hating yourself. Instead of just dealing with it, the dude decided to take everything out on the only guy he knew that was just like him. So 'selfish' aint a big enough word for his ass…"

Mama smiled.

"Add that to the fact that he shoulda been _joining_ Glee instead of harassing the hell out of us, since we're the only club in school that gives zero fucks about motherfuckers' sexuality…"

"True."

"...And in a way, what you're feeling is the same as Dave. You hated being in love with Evans while still hooked up with Tinsley. And you let the shit fester too, instead of addressing it like you should have. What you're reacting to here, is the fact that your own shit ended up almost as bad as his."

"You think so?"

"I know so," I let her know. "I cheated too, remember? All the MILFs, and Quinn back when she was with Finn?"

Mama cuddled into me more and sniffled.

"But the thing is, Mama…" I continued. "…you can fix all of your shit. You're already better than Karofsky is... You already admitted to doing everybody dirty. Already took the blame for it. So when you get over your own guilt, you'll be able to really sympathize and maybe figure out a way to help Dave. Just give it some time."

"How in the hell do you know me so well, Puck" Mama joked while wiping her tears away.

I grabbed her tissue and did it for her, and answered, "You mad?"

"Nah…" she giggled. "…actually, I'm grateful." We stood up and she hugged me again, then I led Mama to her next class.

After Regionals, where we totally kicked ass…I made it a point to come up to Jones and let her know how much she fucking rocked with the TroubleTones singing. Now, I ain't gonna lie…I did NOT like the dresses the girls had on. They looked totally homemade, and didn't fit as well as the shit they used to wear when Shelby was around. But Mama's voice was the business and those dance moves made every motherfucker who ever thought she couldn't move eat their motherfucking words. At the time, I'd seen her gazing all longingly at Sam, while he stood next to Quinn, talking. And I could see how jealous the shit was making her. I figured few compliments would pick her up.

And when we were all at the hospital waiting room after the wedding that never happened, I made sure to comfort Mama about Quinn. I knew this shit was reminding Jones of all that time she spent taking care of Que Sophomore year. She was probably terrified that the girl would die or something. Seriously, I had the same thoughts…but I pushed that shit aside because this is Queen Quinn we're talking about. Sheer force of stubborn-ass will had gotten this chick every damn thing she ever wanted in life. I honestly saw no reason this would be different. So I told Mama that and she seemed grateful as shit. At one point she went to he hospital chapel to pray for her former sister, but came right the hell out when Trouty showed up to do the same thing. I knew, aside from Satan and possibly Britt, that nobody in the club would feel the pain of Quinn's condition more than Mercedes. So I let her hold my hand while she prayed in the hallway. I was glad I could help her.

I guess all the talking to God musta helped. Quinn was paralyzed, but alive. She came back to Glee making jokes about me and singing about standing up again. And I knew she would be alright. Even sat in during booty camp and laughed her ass off when Sylvester made fun of Sam and Mercedes for all their non-speaking ass eye-sex.

Around that time I had my big idea to come to LA. Partly because Anderson's big bro was home and talking about his life on the West Coat. And partly because I wanted to get as far the hell away from Lima as I could after graduation. Since I was pretty sure I'd be the only one moving so far away, I tried to convince Finn to come with me. The almost-wedding was a pretty good omen to me; I felt like he needed to rebuke Berry's ass as soon as possible. But he turned me down. Later on the same day, though I heard Mama talking about moving to Cali, too. That was when I approached her about being my roomie. So all in all, the break Samcedes was taking ultimately worked out in my favor. If she hadn't instigated their little silent period, I never would have felt comfortable asking. Which is pretty good evidence that a little break never hurt anyone.

* * *

**Say What?**

Damn that asshole Trouty Mouth.

I'm totally fucking serious. That dude never fucking quits. Here I was, expecting for graduation to come and go….with the two of them agreeing to part as friends. But that guy never once gave up on Cedes, and it finally paid off. In light of my own feelings, I probably should have admired his tenacity or whatever. But I swear, sometimes I get so mad about the way he continued to hound Mama I could spit fucking bullets.

First off, there was the disco dance contest that Schuester and Sylvester dreamed up. Despite the fact that I hate disco, I honestly like the movie everybody was yammering about. All night parties, drugs, car-sex, and character death? I was all about that life. And I was kinda impressed that Blaine was actually gay enough to own a fucking disco ball to bring in for us to use. But the way Evans made it his business to dance as close to Mama as he could during the big finish... torture, plain and simple. And that body roll he won't let go of made my eyes roll…At least my pelvic thrust move is sexy.

Then after the finalists got their assignment and Mama did _Disco Inferno_ for the class 'ole dude was coming off super creepy.

Like, I get it…Jones came out all sexy in a gorgeous red dress, and made that song her bitch. Britt and Satan wore their Cheerio uniforms, so it was obvious that Mercedes was supposed to be the focal point or whatever. But it was weird as fuck how Sam, who was sitting right beside me, pulled out his cell phone to record that shit…It was something I'd never seen anybody in Glee do before then. If I hadn't known Trouty well enough to call him an internet whore, I'd have snatched his phone outta his hand and erased the footage of Mama's performance. Because for real, taping your ex and keeping it around for some spank bank action was a fucked up thing to do. But this was Evans, and like I said…that dude lives for fucking status updates. He tweets all day, and is real good for getting shit like "Mercedes Jones smells good" trending. Even when Jones had a man he was all the time posting sappy shit on Facebook and tagging her ass in it. So in the back of my mind I sort of figure the guy was just so glad to have a phone with internet access again that he couldn't get enough.

After I thought about it for a second or two I figured Evans was recording the song for his "Summer Girl" channel on YouTube. So I let it slide. But then he threw Mama all these deep looks from across the room when Santana sang her song for Britt, trying to seduce her with his eyes and shit.

That was the week Mama and Hummel met their love-child Unique. It was also when Kurt managed to figure out a way to make up for ignoring Mama all summer. And he did it by helping Evans get his girl back.

See, Trouty posted Jones' video online. And she got a buncha love from all the disco-freaks on YouTube who watched and raved her performance. Hummel knew about it before Mercedes did, because Sam used his laptop to upload it. Then Hummel got out of the way so Blondie could show Mercedes and go in for the kill. When Finn told me about it I was happy my girl was feeling so supported and shit, but scared as hell it would fuck up our plans for LA. By that time Hudson had come up with his own plan for after high school and had no intentions of going anywhere near California. So I was frustrated on top of being jealous as hell. In the end it all worked out; otherwise, I wouldn't be here with her now.

But I had to wonder, in light of all the bullshit I had to go through before graduation finally got here…why does every thing in my life have to be so fucking difficult?

* * *

**A/N: Yay! One more chapter before the big Samcedes breakup!**

**Okay, that was mean…but it's true though.**

**Chapter 14 will conclude the S3 portions, then chapter 15 will be the turning point. I'm so exited.**

**Thanks to all the loyal readers, followers, favorite-ers and reviewers. I need y'all's love to get this stuff outta my head, so I owe you guys the most.**

**Update shouldn't be too long…**


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N: This is my last S3-compliant chapter. It sums up all the things that happened after Sam and Mercedes reunited, and refer to everything up until the events of Chapter 1. After this, nothing is a flashback...and most of it is my imagination lol.**

**I hope you like it!**

**Special thanks go out to Annikay, for reading and reviewing so fast. Girl, you rock!**

** Disclaimer: I don't own Glee.**

* * *

**Regrets**

You probably think that my reaction to Sam and Mercedes getting back together pretty much just me being a hater, don't you? Well, let me be the first to say, that it wasn't; at least, it wasn't _all _about me being a hater. I mean, yeah I didn't exactly enjoy the fact that the dude was better than me at letting his feelings be known, and I totally didn't appreciate the way Trouty pretty much left Lil Mama with zero choice about whether or not she'd get back with him, either. But all the fucked up feelings I was having were also due, at least in part, to 'ole dude making me feel stupid hell. So a huge portion of my issues was frustration.

I mean, it was just so damn typical: my ass was _always_ getting with girls on a whim; and I_ stayed_ hooking up with chicks based on momentary notions and shit. I never _ever_ gave myself way too much time to consider how much I liked one beforehand. Think about it: me fucking Quinn, me hooking up with MILFs, me getting together with Zizes…even doing the chicks in that sorority. All of that shit happened because the idea just popped into my head one day. But the very first time in my life that I actually give some real thought to whether or not I dig a girl for real? Another dude jumps on it before I can, and I end up feeling like a pussy.

I mean, I could have put Mama's name up in lights…that kinda shit was guaranteed to get a girl to throw her panties at a guy. Eventually, I bet I would have. And I could have done that YouTube shit too; because prior to Trouty and his "Mercedes Inferno" video I was forever putting videos of chicks fighting over me on that bitch. And Trouty going in for a smooch while Mama was all swoony over his romantic-ass gesture? I could have could have eventually come up with that shit…if you'll remember, I _was_ the player that got a V-day date with Zizes by proposing with a damn Ring Pop. But I didn't, and he did.

I don't even think Sam beat me to the punch because he was any more into her than I was. I honestly think I was deep in love with Mama back then; despite the fact that I never admitted it to myself until we became roomies. But I never _was_ the type to try and problem-solve. I been good at letting shit stick to the pan my whole life. Case in point: when Finn and Rachel made their big announcement right before Valentine's Day about getting married; I didn't go off like Kurt and Quinn. I didn't start any shit about how young they were or how stupid getting married would be. Even though at the time I was silently praying Finn would take his balls back from Berry, dump her ass, and get Mama to drop-kick her somewhere before Prom rolled around. But I just focused on the happy part of their announcement; the baby I figured 'ole Streisand was baking. Made up my mind to be the best Uncle Puck a kid ever had. That's just my nature; and I'm like, the complete and total opposite of Evans. So while Sam was spending six whole months in Kentucky planning ways to woo Mama back, I was ignoring my feelings. And while he lost zero time in implementing the shit with the quickness, I was twiddling my thumbs. So I missed out on all my chances…

* * *

**WTH?**

After Sam and Mercedes finally faced off, I was kinda confused for a few weeks. It was a time of complete and total dead-ass air between those two, and I didn't get it. They weren't talking, or even looking at each other all that much…even though I know damn well Mercedes wouldn't have kissed Evans in that classroom if she wasn't ready to get back together with him. For all I know, they planned that shit on purpose; sort of like a re-boot on those days before people found out they were together. But I know for a damn fact that Sam was frustrated as hell by it.

Take, for instance, that week where we all sang Whitney Houston songs. Now, I know in my heart that Schuester probably planned and assigned that shit as a way of kissing the girls' asses. And if I'm being perfectly honest, he probably wanted to toss out an olive branch in Mama's direction, specifically. The girls -mostly the TroubleTones girls, actually- were really going off on a tangent about their idol. They walked the halls singing her songs, had big ass shrines and pictures put up in their lockers…and I swear on my Moms a couple of 'em were dressing like her; at least Hummel was. So the fact that they were hurting was real obvious. When Schuester came into class and told everybody we were using Ms. Houston as inspiration for our lesson, you could see the joy all over Mama's face. That is, you could see joy up until it got replaced with pissed-off-itude. Sam said some shit about Whitney being a bad influence, and I swear I thought Jones was gonna step to him. And those were the only words I saw those two even share during that time; so maybe he just did it to make sure Mama's ass was still living and breathing.

Now that I think about it that was a pretty damn crazy week anyway. I mean, Jones might have been going off the rails a little bit even if Sam _hadn't_ been on her nerves. Because motherfuckers who have no damn business signing shit by Ms. Houston were doing the absolute most in choir class. Britts, Rachel, Blaine…all their asses were in there fucking up some of Mercedes' favorite songs. There was some kinda drama going on between Kurt and his boy, too; it got so bad they were shouting about their drama all in class. I personally didn't have much of an opinion on it, outside of side-eying everybody who mean-mugged Hummel while Anderson sang that song about cheating. Say what you want to about my past…but I wasn't the only former cheater in the room; so everybody throwing the dude all that stank eye was a gotdamn hypocrite. And any drama involving Kurt is always gonna be good for making Mama a little nutty.

Also, everybody in class was jawing about Sam bragging to Teen Jesus about losing his cherry in Kentucky. So that could have played a part in the dead-air days, too. I don't know who in the hell that dude thought he was fooling with that shit…anybody with eyes could tell Jones was the one to pop that cork. But if hearing about it pissed me off, it had to have had Mercedes out for blood. That's why I'm so sure all the shade I saw her throw with her eyes that week wasn't about just about the fucked up performances; some of it was a result of her drama with Evans. In the end, we all got through the shit together, as a family. Mama and Artie laid dropped the bomb on that song they sang together in the auditorium after school…I had trouble averting my eyes because she was wearing the shit out of that leopard print skirt. And it looked like I wasn't the only Glee member going all Lifetime Movie Network in the clique…seemed like Que had made some headway towards trapping Teen Jesus under her spell, and Rachel and Santana looked mighty friendly too. But still…Sam and Mercedes weren't speaking and it confused my ass.

The next week was the same, too. Not much going on with those two as far as I could see. Obviously, I had my own shit to think about; it was the week of semester exams, and any seniors who'd found themselves on the verge of not passing needed to get decent grades on 'em in order to graduate. And I was one of them. But in my mind, I honestly didn't have too much to worry about. I was taking a bunch of shop classes…auto, wood, metal; that kinda shit. And I knew I was getting out of those bitches. The only course I was taking that might have had any impact on whether I graduated or quituated was European geography. And I had a plan for that one.

See, Ms. Collins, my teacher was recently divorced at the time. And through my dealings with various desperate housewives around Lima, I knew a woman in her shoes was real likely to be lonely. So I figured if I showed Collins some attention, she might actually pass me out of gratitude. So I went in her classroom a couple of days before the test, and laid on the charm. Turns out, Collins is a little more scrupulous than Corcoran was. Even after I put my lips on her BenGay-smelling neck, she wasn't hearing me out. Had the nerve to tell me she didn't give a fuck about my class standing, because my ass was lazy, not stupid. In a way, it was flattering. But still…that conversation was a damn wake up call for yours truly.

So I got my bad news, and walked around in a funk…I know for a fact that my boy Finn could see something was wrong, but I tuned out all his attempts to pick my brain. And I made tentative plans to just jet…get the fuck outta town before my fucking report card showed up in the mail with a big-ass FAIL stamped to the front of the envelope. But you wanna know what convinced me to try and see if I could pass the shit legitimately? My Pops showing up.

That's right…old Biological Didn't Bother came around while I was finishing up my last pool cleaning job, on the day I was planning on getting ghost. And what I saw in him scared me fucking shitless. I mean, what kinda grown-ass man doesn't have $500 for his rent? I was a damn teenager and I had over $6,000 collecting interest in the bank. Because I worked hard for it. Sure, I let him think I was as sheisty as he was…didn't let on that I was working with a few stacks or whatever. Because I know his ass…telling him I'd been saving up for a rainy day was like telling a crackhead you had a rock collecting dust under your pillow. He'd done enough research on me to know I was still cleaning pools, and even where my last gig was! Ain't no way in hell Pops didn't know I had some money. So I told a half-truth. But his showing up was all the motivation I needed to try and get out of Lima once and for all. For no other reason than to not end up like him.

Finn and Sam were really great about rallying the troupes for me. They didn't have to do the shit…Hudson already passed all his classes, and Sam wasn't even a senior. They pulled our genius bros, Artie and Mike, into it and even the newbie chumps. In the end though it wasn't enough. I didn't pass. In fact, I got a fucking F… I choked on that bitch like a motherfucker. And I was pissed.

* * *

**Getting Help**

I was still pissed, actually, when Schuester informed Glee Club that we'd be performing again at Prom. It was too fucking much. I mean, there was Sam and Mercedes sitting together, for the first time all damn year long…which I wasn't really ready to see. Then there was Rachel, all shrouded in self-pity because she choked on some big audition for a gay arts school. Quinn was running/rolling around like her usual manipulative self using a combination of mock-humility, flattery, and guilt so folks would vote her ass Prom. Queen, and Britt was going the hell off on some inexplicable dinosaur tangent. It was a weird week

So I agreed to participate in Berry's Anti-Prom shit, since I was feeling Anti-everything right about then anyway. I figured it _had _to be better than going to the Prom and watching all our friends be happy about their futures and seeing Samcedes getting down together…I was wrong though. It was worse. First of all, I was the only motherfucker there who showed up ready to party.

Well…Becky brought condoms, too. But that's just how she is... a fucking hot ass mess.

Anyway, I had a case of beer, and all of my pissed off feelings to drown. All the rest of the party-goers had to do to help me out of my funk was help me drink it and give me something to laugh at; which they DID. NOT. DO!

Berry kept trying to get people to beg her to try on her Prom gown, The HomoBoys wouldn't shut up talking about Anderson's hair issues, and spent hours watching every damn stereotypical gay show the Ovary Network had to offer. Nobody would even drink with my ass except Becks. As a matter of fact, she was the only fucking cool person at the Red Rooster that night besides me. Becks ain't shit but a damn sex shark with an extra chromosome. Talked me into playing strip poker and almost got to see me bare-ass-naked. And she's cool as hell…only brought up all her hurt feelings and shit after the touchy-feely crew left, and I listened to her because I could tell she was in pain. I thought my ass was gutted when I got there for the party, but listening to Becks talk about wanting to get stared at for being Queen -as opposed to being different- made me sick. So I put all my shit to the side, and escorted my Anti-Prom Queen to the dance.

I was glad I went, in the end. I got to spike the punch; handing off a glass of my booze to my better half. Even managed to miss the big 1D tribute by the Glee boys, where I'm about 96% sure Sam gestured toward his girlfriend from the stage. I definitely didn't need to see that shit. But I was there when Rachel got crowned, and got to see Quinn stand up; so all in all Prom wasn't exactly a huge bust.

The next week we were preparing for Nationals hardcore…it was the first time I ever saw New Directions actually come up with a set list in advance, to be honest. We were rehearsing all our songs, costumes were already being sewn; eye of the tiger, all the way. The only reason I hadn't posted up in my room and refused to come out was because I was looking forward to winning in Chicago. I figured even if I spent another year at McKinley, I'd be a lot better off doing it as a champ… so I focused on that shit, and it helped. I pretty much ignored all the drama Cohen-Chang kicked up about wanting a solo at competition, except to side-eye Mike a little…because I felt like he had no place to chastise his girlfriend for wanting some of the spotlight. But aside from that I just kept my mind on helping the team. It's why I borrowed my mom's favorite dress and stole my Nana's everyday wig, then got Mama to lend me a lipstick right before class. Hell, we needed a tranny to compete with Unique, and Hummel wasn't chasing the stick! So I manned up; or rather, womaned up.

In hindsight, I probably should have let Mama do all my makeup and asked her or Tana for help with a better way of getting some fake hair. Because the only reason Schuester wouldn't let me go on as Lola is because I was too ugly. But I tried, and was proud of myself up until Rick the Dick fronted on me for doing what a dude had to do for his team.

Mullet-Dick tried his best to get my goat in the hallway; calling me out for not graduating, bragging about his acceptance to OSU, and making me feel like a complete and total loser. When we threw down, he added insult to injury by getting in a bunch of lucky shots and beating my ass…I ended up in the dumpster for the second time in my whole high school career. I swear, that was my rock bottom…no doubt about that one. But if I hadn't pulled that fake knife on Nelson, Beiste may have never intervened; so in a way it was probably the smartest dumb thing I ever did.

I suppose you probably think singing with Beiste was what got my head on straight, right? Like, hugging her and trying to show her some comfort while she did the same for me was what boosted me up enough to get my head in the game and pass the test…It helped, no doubt about it. Plus, she was the one who convinced Collins to let me retake it. But it wasn't what really gave me the strength to press on. That was Mama.

See, right after Beiste and I laid that T-Swizzle song out in the auditorium and she told me I had a chance to try and do better on my Geography exam, I went home. Still dejected, still feeling like shit. But I made up my mind to call Mama and tell her I wasn't coming to LA. I'd pretty much decided that Lima Loserhood was gonna be my destiny, and was even debating on whether or not I'd go apply for a job at the new Circle K they were building in the Adjacent. I owed it to Mama to let her know though, so she'd stop making plans with me in mind. It was the hardest phone call I ever had to make.

"Hello?" Jones answered the phone after I finally got up the nerve to dial her number. "That you Puck? Are you on the line or is this a butt-call?"

A laughed a little. "I'm here, Mama…you gotta minute?"

"Sure," I heard box springs rustling in the background like she was climbing onto her bed. "What up, roomie?"

"Actually," I sighed. "That's what I was calling you about. I don't think I can go to LA with you."

"What do you mean you can't go to LA?" she asked shrewdly, "Is this about graduation?"

"Yeah, it is," I replied. "So, I'm not going…"

"Well, would you mind explaining to me what one thing has to do with the other?" she asked in this fake-sweet voice that sent chills of terror up my spine. "Because to my knowledge, a person doesn't necessarily need a high school diploma to be a bomb-ass pool cleaner…not to downplay your struggle or whatever; but you've been doing it for years now and you haven't exactly needed that particular piece of paper to be good at it."

"I know that, Mama, but now I'm just not feeling making such a big move…" I admitted. "…I can stick close to here and keep doing what I've been doing. Maybe get my own place or something."

"You already have an apartment, Puck…" Mercedes still sounded way too nice, and I could tell she was getting mad as hell. "…with me; in Los Angeles."

"That's not gonna happen, now…" I shook my head even though she wasn't in the room with me to see it. "…So I'm sorry; but trust me, you'll get over it." I made like I was gonna say goodbye, but was interrupted by that scary-ass voice.

"Yes it is, Noah," she replied, way to syrupy for my comfort. "You're going to drive your pickup truck across the country; hauling your bed and dresser in the back. You're going to accept the key to the two bedroom condo I researched and found online –the condo I _just _convinced my Daddy to put a big-ass down payment on to hold, by the way…"

She wasn't sounding so sweet by that point. Just straight-up pissed.

"…you're going to live with me, and be my family away from Lima; and you're going to do it whether or not you graduate from high school beforehand!" Mama was obviously speaking through gritted teeth, and I could tell she expected to be obeyed. It was kinda hot.

"Dammit Mama," I raised my voice in order to stifle that thought. "Can you just shut up talking for a second? I get that the shit might be an inconvenience to you or whatever…and I'm sorry for coming at you out of the blue like this…"

I really was.

"…but you can't just order my ass to do something, and expect me to just roll over," I went on. "I'm a goddamn grown-ass man, and…"

"No, _you_ shut the fuck up," Mama growled. "Do you really think I give a shit about the inconvenience? For that matter, do you actually think I don't see what this is all about? You're all butt-hurt, and want to wallow about not graduating with everybody else. But I'm not gonna let you!"

"Mama," I started.

"I said, shut your mouth!" Mama continued. "You've been in my damn corner all year long and I'm grateful, okay? I owe you some of the same brand of friendship you been dishing out for me. So I'm putting my foot down. If you're really that stuck on wanting to graduate –which I totally admire and completely understand, by the way- then I'll help you get one when we get to Cali." She wasn't sounding as angry with me anymore, but the chick was still serious as a heart attack.

"How in the hell you gonna do that?" I still wasn't sold, but was getting curious and wanted to know. "Not that you've changed my mind, but how?"

"I don't know!" Mama spat out. "Whatever I have to do…I can take you to sign up for GED classes, and I can go with you to them if you need me to hold your hand," Jones continued. "Hell, if you're still all scared when the test comes up, I'll take that bitch for you and sign 'Noah Puckerman' to the top of the paper. I honestly don't care…as long as you come along with me."

I chuckled. That was the turning point where I made up my mind to give my girl her way.

"My point is, that you shouldn't let this minor setback derail your plans," Mama concluded, before correcting herself. "I mean, our plans…"

"You'd do that shit for me, Jones?" I asked; flattered and a little more turned on. "You'd let Bad-Girl 'Cedes out just to make me happy?"

Mama sighed a little on the line with relief and I could hear the smile in he voice. "Boy, you have absolutely no_ clue_ how ride or die I can get for my friends…"

Which was a damn lie; because I most definitely did know.

"…besides," Mama joked. "You were my first Boo ever…I can't have you staying in Lima like a chump. That shit would reflect badly on my ass! So I got you… We'll be Bonnie and Clyde…"

"I believe you Mama," I let her know. "And I'm convinced…Thank you."

"No prob, Bob," she replied, before telling me goodnight and hanging up the phone.

* * *

**Head In The Game**

That was actually the night before we left for Nationals in Chicago, and I went into it with my head in the game and a heart full of fucking hope. I'm not sure why, but it was almost like I believed that us winning at competition would translate somehow to my passing the test. So I was determined to make a great showing. I was surrounded by folks who'd encouraged me…some of whom helped more than others; and seeing them all there focused on a common purpose was good for me. Coach Beiste sat up front with the other adults, and she gave me the thumbs-up more than once. All my boys were sitting around me, encouraging me not to stop plowing through the material. The girls all reached out to hold my hand whenever I got confused, and Mama fist-bumped me every time I looked back at she and Sam sitting together. I spent that long-ass bus ride studying my ass off.

Once we got to Chicago, drama reared its ugly head; and let's face it…we wouldn't be ND if it hadn't. Mama got sick during rehearsal again, and had to lay down. Trouty was all mad that Sue wouldn't let him in her room to console his girl, and went off on me for no damn reason. Plus, if I'm not mistaken the Beiste was going through something with Cooter…he was calling her a lot, and she cried whenever she thought nobody was looking. But in the end, we got it together.

As a family, we watched Unique and Vocal Adrenaline perform their show. VA assholes always bring it, and this time was no different. They had more complicated dance numbers than we did; and in my opinion, they sang better songs…but they performed like it was a job. Or just another class to pass in school. But Us NDs? We laughed on that stage, and enjoyed ourselves like a bunch of kids playing hide-and-go-get-it after dark. And it showed. I think it's why we won.

Winning was great for every one of us in some way or another. I told you already that my superstitious ass was counting on the "W" as a talisman or some shit for my test. Winning won Finn a bet he had with Dick/Rick…I played enforcer when Hudson went to collect his money. Coach Sue got to keep her Cheerios, since whether or not Figgins gave the job to Coach Roz depended on how we did. And according to Hudson, our victory got Schuester laid. So all our work paid off.

We had a huge party in the choir room after the school congratulated us, and it was awesome. I saw a lot of couples kissing, that's for damn sure…Brittana kissed each other, and Artie's ass too. Made me wonder. And that Sugar girl was all over her boy Rory like white on rice. You already know Finchel showed their asses getting all friendly, and even Kurt and his Boo gave up a little PDA. The only couple in the room who didn't go there was Sam and Mercedes, but they didn't have to; I saw 'em sneak out halfway though the party to go find some privacy. But I was happy for them, and happy for me. It was a great day.

Later on, we all put our performance clothes back on to present Schuester with the Teacher of the Year award, then we all got ready for the school year to end. Mr. Schue assigned us the task of singing songs to say goodbye, and everybody tried their damndest to make me sob and cry that whole week. Kurt dedicated his number to all us straight boys for accepting him into the clique, and the underclassmen sang us all a song that made us all regret being born before they were. Us seniors tried to embrace the assignment in a fun way, and sang something actually upbeat…but in the end, we all knew shit was gonna change way too much to be completely happy.

I spent most of those few days before graduation cramming with Quinn; who'd been acting a little different since Prom. She helped me more than anybody else; and she did it by making sure to do way more than just study with me. Que reminded me of how selfish we both had been when high school started. How much of an ass I'd been, as well as how big of a bitch she was. We both agreed that being in Glee turned us both into better people, and that we owed Finn a huge-ass thank you for doing the shit first. Neither one of us regretted for a second doing what we did to make Beth, and she and I kind of accepted once and for all that it made sense for us to get over this last hump together…after all, we'd kinda come full circle. Que and I were a team again; this time a good one. So she kissed me in the name of teamwork, which was exactly the right thing to do; it gave me this awesome shot of confidence I needed to make that test my bitch. I passed, and ended up graduating on time.

We seniors all had one last class get-together Mama's house the day after graduation, and everybody congratulated the hell out of each other. Then we all spent the summer being kids for the last time ever. The thing I remember most about the summer though, was how close 'Cedes and I managed to get. And her being back together with Trouty wasn't even a problem. Because she and I talked a lot about their relationship…same as the one before, except this time I got all the deets from Mama.

We'd get together and discuss the logistics of our big move or whatever once or twice a week. But we also talked about what we were doing for the summer. I just worked. Talked to Beth on Skype every few days, too. But Mama and Trouty were having a blast…and she let me know what all they were up to. They threw a big party at Mama's house in the beginning of June which I attended. And this one time Jones and Cohen-Chang came over to get a bottle of tequila from me to take on a road trip they were going on with their dudes. Mama and Evans and their families went on a bunch of family-type vacations together, and she even mentioned once or twice that they were kinda talking about marriage some day in the far-off future. It was a happy time for Samcedes, and even though it made me jealous I was happy for her…Even though Evans' own jealousy made several appearances, too.

I'm not gonna try and insinuate that Trouty was controlling or whatever towards his girl; but Evans _really_ couldn't stand it when Mama came over to my place to discuss our move. He was always with her, always narrowed his eyes whenever she and I hugged or slapped palms. And he'd clear his throat all loud and shit every time Mama showed me printouts of the furniture or decorations she was buying for her room. It was almost like Trouty didn't want me knowing what the hell Jones was gonna be sleeping on. When we made the decision to go half on all the towels and pots and pans and shit, Trouty argued; asking "Well what if one of you guys move out early?" like an asshole. And he always came up with excuses as to why Mama and I had to cut our little pow-wows short. The shit happened every damn time.

In the beginning of the summer, I just figured all that hater-ade was just Trouty's way of being involved. You know, trying to be supportive. But now I can admit it was the beginning of the end for Samcedes. Now I can comprehend that, at the time, Evans had just basically just gotten his girl back…and wasn't ready to let her go yet again. He was jealous of anybody she was getting close to, me included. And I get it; it's hard to see somebody you love move on. Watching Jones make decisions about her future without him had to be hard on Sam. But in hindsight, Trouty should have made more of an effort. Because knowing what I know now about how their relationship finally imploded; I know most of the drama could have been avoided. And taking into account what happened when shit finally come to a head; Evans probably should have tried a lot harder to get his jealousy shit in check when he had the chance…

* * *

**A/N: YAY! The next one isn't for the Sam-lovers. IJS.**

**Oh, and if you read my Samcedes fic, _Spring and Summer Only_, then some of the stuff Puck mentioned about the summer after graduation probably seems familiar. I decided to fold this one into that universe, because Marcus and Matt (Mercedes fictional bros) showed up when I was writing Chapter 16.**

**Like really? Y'all just gonna walk into my other fic?  
**

**I decided not to fight it. Hope you guys enjoy!  
**


	15. Chapter 15

**A/N: This one is back to the present!**

**Whew!**

**No more canon! We are safely into the realm of the imaginary! Took me long enough…**

**And I'm so very proud of it. Some of my favorite scenes have been written out here for months (at the very least, since November of 2012) and it's finally time to do the big reveal! All you die-hard Samcedians that find it hard to embrace Sam hate? Be ready; cause this one is mean. Even for me.**

**But for all the folks who are embracing the Sam-shade…this one is for you. If I must say so myself, it's glorious. Enjoy!**

**Thanks Annikay! Above and beyond ought to be your Native American name...IJS.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own the characters of Glee.**

* * *

**On Front Street**

So I came to the conclusion recently, that the main reason I wasn't with Jones right now had nothing to do with the fact that I act like such a dick or the fact that she has a man. The real reason I don't have Mama, is because I'm a fucking pussy. I'm serious; just look at the evidence: First of all, I took way too damn long to admit my feelings for the chick, even to myself. Then, when somebody finally spelled it out for me point-blank, I didn't do shit about it and let another cat swoop in under the radar. Now that I think about it, even my own damn brain was scared to make a move on 'Cedes. She never even _touched_ my dick in my _dreams_ until I admitted to Zizes that I'd pictured myself as Jones' dude a time or two. And even when I was kicking myself for letting Sam get to Mama before I could come correct, the most I ever scored was a dream blowy. If I was ever gonna get Mercedes, I needed to man the fuck up and let her know what was on my heart…the whole fucking truth.

Since I laid all that shit on 'Cedes over Thanksgiving vacation and told her how I'd pictured our relationship panning out in another lifetime, she was acting different towards me. She called me Noah more often that "Puck" or "Puckerman," and she was calling me on the phone whenever she had breaks at work to invite me out to eat with her and her record label friends afterwards. Seemed like truthing the fuck up was already putting me in a new light where Mama was concerned; I felt like she trusted and liked me more as a result of all that soul-baring. So by that reasoning, I figured there was a possibility of us getting closer if I came with some more honesty or whatever.

Obviously, my friendship with Sam meant that I needed to tell him what was up beforehand…Bro code or whatever, same as when Jake threw the dance lead for Ryder. So I knew it was gonna be the first thing I did when I got to Lima over Christmas and shit. But what I _didn't _know was how the dude would react to the news. See, the whole Sam and Britt fake dating thing was really fucking up his relationship with Mercedes. You already know that she came to Lima for Sectionals all excited to get their shit back in a good place. And you know Sam fucked it up by letting Britt latch onto his ass like a burr. They ended up agreeing -Mercedes, very reluctantly- to let Sam comfort Brittany whenever Satan was around, since she was so fragile; while Mercedes hung out mostly with me.

But after we hauled ass back to LA, Mercedes made it her business to demand that Sam quit helping Britt. She tried to be understanding, but the fact that he chose to soothe another girl's feelings over hers made 'Cedes livid. And since Sectionals, Tina and Unique's busybody asses had very little to do as far as Glee was concerned, since it was the only extracurricular either chick was involved in. So those two killed a lot of time by calling Mama up on 3-way and gossiping about all the shit Evans was doing to help Britt. Both of 'em were pretty much convinced that Sam was legit playing 'Cedes, and the insinuations made her cray-cray, despite the fact that she knew Trouty wasn't the type to cheat. So she laid down the law and told Sam she wouldn't stand for any more of the shit.

They fought, which I found out later when Cedes filled me in. Apparently, the argument started when Mama accused Sam of making her feel lonely as hell, and Evans got super defensive. She threw it in his face that she might have wanted a little of his attention in Glee Club over Thanksgiving, while Sam insisted that he wasn't doing anything Mercedes hadn't done with Shane when they broke up the year before. He said it wasn't fair for her to blame him for her loneliness, and Mercedes told him to get real; because she knew that the minute she got a life, he'd probably have a problem with it. That little speech got Evans' back up, to the point where he accused Mercedes of having a backup plan all picked out for if they actually broke up. To which she replied by declaring Sam bat-shit crazy. Like I said, the shit got real serious. So in the end, the two of them both agreed that they could squash the fight and never bring it up again, if Sam stopped pretending to be Brittany's man. They finally agreed that the best way for him to assist the girl was to be her completely platonic friend. It made sense to me.

When Mercedes told me that last little part, I knew I needed to tell her man what was on my mind, regardless of bro code. If he was insecure enough to sly-ways accuse 'Cedes of having another dude on the back burner, then the shit was probably something he thought about a lot. Knowing how I feel about her but still letting Mercedes tell Sam he was crazy and that nobody was even checking for her like that would be cruel. I know the shit ain't all in his own head. And I don't even think he really suspects anything, about my feelings…Sam is the type that can read between the lines and shit, but I'm way too good at hiding my emotions for anybody to see inside my head for real. But he can be a real jealous asshole when he wants to be. Dude is all the time going off about other dudes getting too close to his woman. Just from the looks he used to throw his own Glee bros in the locker room and shit I could see that Evans was convinced at some point or another that all his boys were crushing on his girl. And to be honest? He wasn't exactly barking up the wrong damn tree.

Take Artie for instance. That dude calls 'Cedes his song wife, and for a guy like A-Team, that's some serious shit. He's the type that can't see himself with anybody seriously, unless they got musical chemistry or something. And Jones is the only girl in Glee who could ever get on his level when it came to R&B music. And that's that shit Abrams can't get enough of. Wheels gets permanent voice-wood every time Mama sings with him, and Sam can't stand that shit.

And Mike? My Asian bro is fucking fascinated with Mercedes' body…like he truly, seriously thinks that the girl is physically perfect. Chang is all the time talking about her ass, and how nobody can give hugs like Mama because she's the softest chick he ever squeezed. Don't even get me started on all the times he's slapped that booty during numbers just so he can see it jiggle. 'Cedes thinks the shit is funny, and probably flattering, too. Plus, it ain't a secret anyway; the only girl Mike's ever been with is Girl Chang, and she's stacked up tight as hell too. Only Glee girl besides Jones with anything there to hold up a pair of pants or to actually need a real chick's bra, if you want the truth. So even though the rest of us know Mike's just showing appreciation and shit, I've caught Evans shooting glares his way a bunch of times.

Sam even got mad at Anderson once when the homo nuzzled his way into Mama's chest for play-play. I mean, I get how Evans could be offended, since Kurt's man _does_ sorta go all bi-curious every time Mama wears a pair of jeggings. Plus Anderson manages to get a picture of himself holding Mercedes around the waist every damn time we wear performance costumes or formal wear. Then he keeps the shit in his wallet right beside his pictures of his Mom and Hummel. But the rest of us know Anderson just likes the way he and Mama look together. Even I gotta admit that those two make a cute-ass pair… even though if Blaine went straight long enough for them two to make a kid, the motherfucker would only be like, four feet tall. Sam gets so mad about that shit sometimes I wanna tell him about my boy Matt, who was all set to ask Mama out sophomore year before he moved to Texas. I think it would be funny to see his ass turn red.

Even Finn got in on the game recently. Back in September, after he got kicked outta the

Army, Hudson took his last military paycheck and came to visit 'Cedes and me in LA. He was all depressed and shit; talking about how much he missed Lima, missed Rachel, missed high school… We tried to dust him off and make Finn feel better; I took him out and introduced him to a few girls we could have fun with. And Jones let him hang out with her at work. But that shit honestly only made him more homesick. The only thing that seemed to help Hudson feel better was having "sleepovers" in 'Cedes' room. Finn could have slept on the sofa, or even in my room…we been doing that shit since elementary school. But Hudson kept saying sleeping in Jones' room at night reminded him of Lima. They were probably in there having "lady chats" and shit, like he used to do with Kurt; I smelled burnt milk in the kitchen once or twice. After a week or so, Hudson left to go stalk Rachel in New York. Eventually, they crashed and burned and he ended up back in Lima. But Jones and Finn are super close now.

I say all of this to illustrate that Sam ain't exactly off base for being so possessive of his girl. And it's another reason for me to move on letting him know what's been on my mind…what I want. I may or may not lose a great friend for putting it out there, but it's something I gotta do.

* * *

**Confrontation Time**

Since Hanukkah fell on the second week of December this year, I came to Lima and picked up my little bro for a few days so we could bond when McKinley let them out for the holidays. I was actually planning on keeping him there for most of his break, but two days of watching his yellow-brown ass was around my place half naked with Mercedes in the same space was plenty. Anyway, he's my kid bro, which meant that I couldn't put it past Jake not to rifle through Mama's laundry for used panties and shit. So after a weekend I drove him back to Lima. It was the third week of December and the first place I went after dropping baby bro off was to Artie's, since that's where Sam was staying. I knew Abrams was on a date with Sugar, and that Britt was probably making dinner for her cat. Good timing would ensure Evans and I could talk without any interruptions.

{Rings Doorbell}

Sam opened the door and looked real surprised. "Hey Puck, what's up?"

"Hey dude," I answered him. "I wanted to come over and holler at you…you gotta minute?"

"Sure," Sam let me in and we went to sit down in the living room. I noticed right off the bat that he didn't offer me a drink or anything…which probably meant Evans was hoping I wouldn't be there long. He probably was scared I'd get in his ass about his 'Cedes problems. Or maybe I was just projecting.

"Evans," I started. "Were you cool with Jake back when he was trying to get with Marley that first time around? Like, did you catch any of the shit storm that went on?"

Sam's eyes got all squinty and he bit his lip, thinking about it before he answered. "Yeah… some of it, I guess. I was hanging out a lot with Brittany back then, though. So I managed to stay out it for the most part."

"Oh." I just bet he was. "Well, back before Jack and Ryder got cool, he asked me for some advice about his girl…he still liked her, but she'd started going out with Ryder at the time. Dude wanted me to tell him what to do about her, and I told him to let Marley know he was still into her. Just in case she still had feelings for _him_ or whatever."

"Why?" Sam asked, looking kinda put out. "I mean, if the girl was already dating another dude, why not just tell your brother to leave her alone and get over it?"

"Well, at the time, my brother and Ryder weren't friends," I explained. "So it wasn't like Jake owed the guy anything. But you're right…that's what happened. Ryder got busy, and Jake managed to be there when she went looking for a replacement."

Sam looked confused, and asked me "So why are you telling me this?"

I took a deep breath. "Because I'm about to take my own advice. I don't wanna be an ass here, but I feel like I should tell you that I dig Jones…"

I saw the anger flash all over Blondie's face.

"…and I'm going to tell her. I just thought I would come to you first, bro to bro."

Sam laughed sarcastically, and said, "Bro to bro, huh? I suppose I shouldn't be surprised; I mean, it _is_ the Puckerman way."

I leaned in towards him; and even though that was a low blow, I let his crack slide and didn't get mad. "Don't go there, dude. I'm not trying to snake your girl. And I ain't like that anymore. I just wanna be honest with you."

Sam just rolled his eyes at me and stated, "But Mercy and I have been having problems and you're planning to take advantage! How's that new?" By the end of his question Evans had scooted toward the end of the seat cushion like he wanted to stand up. I mimicked his stance, just in case my boy got all froggy.

I didn't wanna comment on any of the dude's "problems" with his girl, but he wasn't leaving me much choice… him attempting to blame me for whatever happened in their relationship wasn't the business. So I just said to myself, "Fuck it."

"Evans, you know good and damn well that your problems with 'Cedes are all your own doing, not mine…" he averted his eyes. "…I didn't create 'em, I damn sure don't plan to make them worse, and I ain't gonna capitalize on the shit either." He shrugged and still avoided my gaze. "The truth is," I continued, "that I've been feeling 'Cedes as long as you have without really admitting it to myself. And I want her to know."

"Why?" he asked, finally looking at me again.

"Because me not saying shit about it is making it hard for me to be around her; and Jones is one of my best friends," I replied honestly.

Sam sat back in the chair again before asking, "Well, when are you going to tell her?"

I already had that part decided too. "After she and I get back to LA." I told him. "I wanna give the two of you an opportunity to make up; after all, that's only fair."

"Oh, yeah?" Evans perked up.

He wasn't gonna like this next part, though. "Plus, being here in Lima probably reminds Mama of back when we lived here and I used to do fucked up shit for all the wrong reasons. I'm a new Puck, living in a new place. So I'm gonna let her judge how she feels about what I tell her based on that." Sam looked at me with hatred all over his face. So I was quick to add, "But before you get all mad though, I want you to know I'm gonna be the best friend I can be towards you about this whole thing…try my best to do this in a way that won't ruin our friendship."

"How in the hell you gonna do that?" Trouty blustered.

I ticked off my fingers one right after the other to let him know how many ways I'd come up with for keeping our bro-ship intact. "Number One: if you or Jones decided you don't want me living with her anymore after I lay all this on her, then I'm gonna respect your wishes. Whenever I speak my piece I'll stick around for two more weeks; long enough for you to see for yourself how the shit affects your girl…if it does at all. Then if you still have a problem with it, you can ask me to get gone and I'll be out by the weekend."

"Really?" Sam seemed interested. "Where will you go?"

"At least a thirty minutes drive away from Mercedes Jones," I answered. LA is so big that I could probably avoid any temptation that way, plus Trouty would trust me –and probably her- more. "And Number Two: By giving you an opportunity to turn your and 'Cedes shit around, I'm also letting you see something you obviously don't wanna admit to honestly. Dude…" He fixed me with a hard glare. "…other guys want your girl! I'm not talking about all the crushes you like to go off about, or 'want,' like how Satan keeps trying to get her in the sack. I'm talking actual feelings…like Tinsley had! But she chose you… so every time you go to Rapture Club with Britt instead of calling your girl long distance or spend money on Barbie dolls when you could be saving up for a visit, you're giving all the other dudes an in." I pointed out. "And do you wanna know what I really think you're doing here, anyway?"

"What?" He asked sarcastically. "I'm dying to hear…"

I just ignored his shit. "I think you're just punishing Mercedes for getting with Tinsley this year; then leaving after we graduated."

Sam shook his head and wouldn't look me in the eye.

"And I bet I'm not the only one who feels that way…" I continued. "…so quit taking this shit out on 'Cedes, and just enjoy your girl!"

"Whatever, Puck…" Sam jerked his head up and pulled a pissed off face. "…forgive me for not taking your advice in this matter; but I think I know what I'm doing."

"Do you really?" I asked him. "Look, Evans…you and me been close long enough for you to at least admit that I only deal in straight talk. It _was_ me who helped you and Jones mend fences last summer when you were fighting and shit about the two of you still being a secret, remember?"

He nodded.

"And I did it knowing in the back of my mind that I was digging her. Remind me…how did my advice work out for you that time?"

Evans smirked, probably remembering how in a roundabout way, I was responsible for him finally getting laid.

"So at least trust me enough to tell you the real deal when I tell you what I see going on between you two!"

"Okay, Puckerman…" He shrugged his shoulders. "So I trust you."

"Then listen to me!" I almost yelled. "You had a choice when Jones left Lima, Dude. You could have focused all your energy on your schoolwork, on your music, on your friends in Glee, or on a job…You even had a whole crop of newbies to distract yourself from missing 'Cedes."

I was frustrated enough to point by that time.

"My little brother is poor, just like you are, Blondie. His mom got caught up in the same economic fuckery your own family did. So if you were feeling the burn of Mercedes moving away, you could have come to him -bro to bro- and used some of your lonely time to bond over food stamps and free lunch and shit. I know you did that shit for Marley…"

Evans looked down at his hands when I said that.

"..And Ryder? He's dyslexic; just like you. I remember when you met all us old-head Glee dudes in the choir room and sang _Billionaire._ Your learning disability was damn near the first thing you told us about yourself. So I know you struggle with that shit. You and Ryder could have been studying together all this time, passing tips back and forth…there was so much shit you could have been doing, other than getting in all deep with Britt."

Sam nodded, but I wasn't through preaching.

"See, Evans… Glee bro-ships are the fucking cornerstone of New Directions. Without the dudes getting along and keeping all our shit together, the chicks would have run us into the ground three years ago." I reminded him. "You can't just forget that shit every time you get a new girl to chase."

Evans bowed up when I said that, so I clarified.

"Even fake chase, Bro…But you made a choice to put all your energy into being the best fake boyfriend Britts ever had." I finished. "Thinking about it from 'Cedes' point of view, that's some seriously foul shit, man."

"Okay!" Evans raised his voice. "Puck, alright…I get it! I had options and I chose the one that was most hurtful to Mercy. I'm an asshole..."

Funny, but up to now I thought _I _was the asshole.

"…And I'm gonna fix it. Like I said, I know what I'm doing."

At this point, it wasn't my battle to fight anymore, so I just stood up to go. I walked over to the front door and said, "See that you do…so, we cool?"

Sam offered me a bro fist and we bumped them together. "See you later."

"You too, dude."

And I left.

Sam and Mercedes apparently had a great time together that week; they hung out with her family until Christmas Day, then drove to Kentucky together to see his family. They were getting along good, and I was truly happy for 'Cedes. I found out later that Evans had bought his girl a ring for Christmas…not a RING ring, she assured me. But sort of a 'promise to do better,' ring. Jones didn't have much time for me right about then, but I was already counting on that, anyway. I spent my holiday with Jake and our Moms. We managed to start some new Puckerman family traditions, so the holiday wasn't a total bust. Then Mama and I made our way back to California.

* * *

**What Happened Next**

So like I said, that was the third week of December. A couple of days after Christmas, 'Cedes and I went back to LA and I started planning on ways I could drop my bombshell. But I actually didn't get a chance to, because Sam must have had a brainstorm wash over his ass. He showed up at our condo on New Year's Eve to spend the second week of his school vacation with us. Jones' ass jumped for joy when she saw his blonde head in the peephole, and I guess all of the fighting and bad feelings were forgotten once and for all. It was pretty obvious to me that Sam was sending a message by coming out to stay. He didn't want to let his girl out of his sight, and the only reason I didn't get all pissed was because of how happy it made Mercedes.

That week was Sam went with Mercedes to work, he got her coffee every morning, went with her to the gym, and if I hadn't been wearing ear buds every night I'm pretty sure he'd have woken me up every morning by having rough sex with Jones all over her room. It seemed like Samcedes was on and popping, and I'd just made up my mind to leave LA for a few months… go back to Lima and catch up with Jake. Maybe start writing a screenplay. But then Evans and Jones broke up for good. And I stayed put…

* * *

**The Fight**

To say that Mama and Trouty broke up because they had a really bad fight would be kinda unfair. Making a statement like that trivializes what went down or some shit, so I won't even insult them like that. Yeah…the fight itself _was_ bad. And the actual breakup _did_ happen on the tail end of it. But from what I could tell, their split was the end result of a lot of shit coming to a head all at the same time.

It all started the last night of Sam's visit. He and 'Cedes were planning this huge date to celebrate how good their week together was, and it was a big fucking deal. The couple planned the whole damn thing at the breakfast table, so I heard about it from the get-go. Jones was planning to take Evans to eat at her favorite burger place, then they were gonna go see the new _Avengers_ movie together. After a midnight stroll on the beach, they'd come home to an empty place; since I was gonna get a motel room and give 'em some privacy.

I'm assuming all that shit went down smoothly. I have no reason to doubt that shit. But the next morning when I slipped in all quiet and ninja-like and passed by Mercedes' room; they'd left the door wide the hell open. I caught Evans, bare assed and balls deep in Mama's pussy, with her legs slung over his forearms. He was humping her slow and babbling all this freaky talk loud enough for the neighbors to hear, while Jones went crazy underneath him. I went in my room and shut the door, but I still heard everything.

Sam was all, "Whose pussy is this?" and "You love my dick, don't you?" the whole time. Jones screamed, moaned, and yelled her fucking head off, too. I heard her tell 'ole boy when she was about to come, and the sound of it made my dick jerk up and down. Afterward, instead of letting his girl bask in the fucking afterglow or whatever, Evans let loose with all this cocky-ass pimp talk, and I suppose Mama wasn't feeling it.

"Hmmmm…" Jones breathed, gasping for air. "…Soooo good."

"How good?" Evans asked, bragging and fishing for compliments at the same fucking time. Then they smooched all loud and shit. "Sammy made you come hard, right?"

Mama exhaled. "Sammy always does." Then she groaned like his hands were doing some walking over her clit.

"And this is all mine, right?" Evans kept going. "You belong to me? Only me?"

"Who else would it belong to?" 'Cedes stammered kinda playfully.

"Just asking, I guess." They were quiet for a second or two. I guess cuddling or something. Then Evans started shit talking again. "Cause you never used to wax your pussy bald before. That's a pretty drastic change."

It sounded like 'Cedes took a minute to think about his comment, then decided she wasn't offended. I would have assumed she would have been…or maybe the chick just decided not to say it if she was. Either way, she didn't go off. Jones just answered him with, "Well, I work out a lot now. Hair down there chafes. It's like carpet burn."

"Okay, I get it." Evans admitted, but he didn't stop poking around at the sore spot. "But why are you trying so hard to lose weight? You know I love you, just the way you are!"

I agreed with the dude, but I also knew 'Cedes had a reason behind that too. She ain't even disappoint me. "I've explained this to you before, Sam. I might be chosen sometime to back up one of my label's artists on stage. Or asked to be in a music video…That kind of thing will require me to learn choreography, and I need to build my stamina."

"But you never had a problem keeping up in Glee, and you didn't work out then…" Evans was starting to sound a little bit argumentative from where I was listening.

"True…but I don't have Glee club now to help me stay on top of it. It's all on me now, Boo." Then she added, "Plus, I'd want to look my best if any of that happened."

"So what you're saying here is that you'll change yourself to make an audience or a video director happy…" Sam started. "…even if you know I don't like it?"

"Sam, I'm still me…" She sounded frustrated. "Baby, where's all this coming from?"

Dude huffed and puffed a little. "I guess it just seems like a pattern with you; I'm remembering the last time you dropped a bunch of weight, Mercy. Back when you were with Shane. I just find it totally weird that you start reinventing yourself every time distance comes between us. Makes me feel like you're pushing yourself away from me, one pound at a time."

By this time I could tell Evans was picking a fight. Who in the hell gets mad when their girl loses a few? Even my relationship impaired ass knew enough to just compliment the shit and hope it gets you laid.

"Babe…" Mercedes inhaled. "…I lost all that weight before because I was practicing my ass off with the TroubleTones; like, _literally_ practicing my ass off. And I was missing you all the time; so much that I didn't eat much…."

"See? Right there…" Sam blurted out. "…do you hear what you just said? You just put me after the TroubleTones. Like missing me was secondary to your new group and your new boyfriend."

"Wait, you're mad?" Cedes sounded confused. "Baby. You know I love you; why are you doing this?"

"Because you only put me first in your life when we're in the same zip code, Mercedes!" he accused. "You know, I left my family for you, I helped you get a record contract, and I put my life in Lima on hold so I could come visit you this week. I pretty much turn my whole life upside down, all the time…for somebody who forgets me whenever I don't happen to be around!" Dude was blustering his ass off. "I just want my girlfriend to be on the same page as me for once."

"How?" By this time Jones seemed mad too. "Tell me how to do that…"

"I don't know…" he spat out. "…You could maybe stop trying to become somebody that I don't want. You could see how it feels to deprive yourself of something for me…. Or stop insisting that I give up stuff that makes me happy!"

"Like what? Your fake relationship with Brittany?" Yep, 'Cedes was mad now. "Is _that_ what this is all about?"

"Yeah, like that." Sam raised his voice. "You knew I was having fun with Britt, and you just couldn't stand it. And the whole thing about making me stop helping her was unfair as hell, because you were hanging out with Puck just as much."

"Sam that isn't fair!" I heard the bed squeaking and rustling; I guess they were standing up to argue. "Puck and I weren't pretending to be in love! None of your old friends were calling you up to tell you about my 'cheating,' and I never neglected you to help Puck make somebody jealous! I never made you feel all alone…"

"Oh, here we go again with all that loneliness crap!" I could practically hear the dude rolling his eyes. "The fact is, that you and I handle being lonely in two completely different ways! So it's not the same…"

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"It means when I feel alone, I get proactive. Make a change… I wanted you back a year ago, so I came back to Ohio to get you. 'Cedes, you felt all alone when I moved to Kentucky, and just let Shane swoop in and be your life!" I heard him walking across the floor. "You trusted me not to cheat on you with Brittany, even with Sugar and Unique calling you and blabbing about the two of us hanging out. But I could _never _trust you like that… Just look at our history."

"So this is about trust?"

"Yes… this is about trust!" he answered. "If you get lonely enough out here, I know that another guy can take you away from me. Puck, another Shane, anybody…"

I heard drawers opening and slamming shut. I guess she was getting dressed. "And that crack about our history?"

"It wasn't a crack, 'Cedes. I just know that as long as we're separated by two thousand miles I have to watch my back. Have something in my life outside of our relationship, just in case you find somebody to keep you from feeling so _lonely_…"

"Why would you think I could ever cheat on you?" Mercedes wondered, close to tears.

"Because you cheated WITH me! And because deep down, you're no better than Quinn and Santana!" Sam snapped.

By that time the two of them were in the den, I'm guessing fully clothed.

"Well, it's nice to know how you really feel about me I guess," Mama paused and it sounded like she was dialing numbers on her cell phone. "Your suitcase is still in my room. You should get to the airport; I'll call a cab…" I could tell she was holding back tears.

"That's all you have to say? Your boyfriend is leaving and all you can offer me in the way of goodbye is 'I'll call you a cab?'"

Mama took a deep breath

"Okay, Sam. I'll talk...but you're not gonna like what I tell you." She took another pause. "What I'm about to say is going to sound extremely familiar to you, Evans." Mercedes sounded really sassy and mean. "When we broke up two summers ago, my words to you exactly, were… 'I love you, but this is way too hard'."

"I remember. You said you didn't like how the long distance thing made us act." He affirmed.

"And when I rejected you on Valentine's Day last year I told you that I loved you, but that I couldn't be with anyone until I knew myself better. I _still _love you, Sam; so much…"

She took a deep breath.

"…But this is the third strike. I'm breaking up with you again…this time for good."

Sam got all flustered. "Mercy, what in the he…"

"Shut up!" Mercedes growled. "…I let you tell me all about myself just now without interrupting you, even once. So guess whose turn it is now!"

He shut the hell up.

"Sam, when we fell in love, I was basically a starving person," Mama started. "I was starved for attention, affection, devotion… all the stuff I was dishing out to people left and right; without anybody giving me back any of it in return. But then we got close…and I was _so_ grateful to be getting it all from you." She sighed. "You made me feel adored, and taken care of. You showed me the kind of loyalty I'd been craving; and all I wanted to do was make you as happy as you made me."

"I remember." Evans sounded just as wistful as Jones did.

"And through your love, I learned," she continued. "I learned how to take care of _me_ while I took care of everybody else. How to devote time to making myself happy and fulfilled instead of just looking out for others. I learned to demand more..."

Sam cleared his throat.

"…So I did. I wanted a great relationship, and I got it. I wanted to belong to someone, and I got that too…"

"We belonged to each other…"

"That's true. But if you really think about it, all of that love and ownership was based on control, Sam. You only trusted me with your heart because I let you be my all. You never saw me as a Quinn or a Satan, because I never gave you any reason to feel I'd ever misuse your love. Being with me was easy… our love was easy."

"Then I moved."

"Yes, you moved… which means you lost control. We argued about distance, but honestly? Most of our fights were about you no longer having your favorite possession. You hated that I was forging a life outside of you. Hated Shane for showing me attention..."

Cue awkward pause right here.

"...So we broke up, which ultimately gave you even more stuff to hate. I got with Shane, which meant I no longer belonged to only you. I formed the TroubleTones, and all of a sudden had something to throw myself into. This wasn't what you wanted; so the very first chance and excuse you got, you came back to claim me again."

"What was so bad about me coming back?" Dude sounded offended as hell.

"Because, Sam, the very first thing you did was squash my group. And the second thing? Was force me to admit that I still loved you. Forced me to let you be my whole world again. Deep down in your heart you knew you could have laid low, and waited for me to figure out that Shane wasn't what I wanted. But you didn't…you made sure I felt conflicted every damn day after you got back to Lima. You know, there wasn't a single minute of the day during that time that I didn't wake up and go to sleep thinking about the 'Sam' problem."

"So?"

"So, our whole relationship has always played itself out on terms that you define for us, and it's not right."

Nobody said anything right then, but I figure those two were sharing a meaningful ass look.

"Now that I'm here, you've lost control again," Mama continued. "And a year ago I'd have given it back up, and freely…but not now. You want me overweight, lonely and sad as long as we're apart. And I won't do that...not for you, or anybody. In a mature relationship, people grow together. I can see that deep down you're still that mad little boy crossing his arms over his chest because Santana humiliated you in Glee Club. You need to grow up, and stop trying to be my all. Because I won't let you anymore…"

That wasn't the end of the fight, but you get the gist…Sam tried to change her mind...apologized his nuts off; but in the end Mama didn't budge a motherfucking inch. Eventually, she gave him back his ring, he left, and Mama went back to her room.

* * *

**Playlist**

After Sam left I waited for Mama to slam her door shut, then I got up to go stand outside her room for a few minutes. I couldn't decide if my coming in to see if she was okay would help or not; so I waited for a sign. Plus I didn't wanna be the first person Jones saw, just in case she was in a "shoot the messenger" kinda mood. I listened, trying to see if Mama was more mad or sad, since towards the end of the fight it was getting pretty hard to tell. And I was out there for about ten minutes before I heard anything at all. When I finally did hear something, it was music. At that point, I assumed the chick had been using all that time to make a playlist on her iPod.

The first song playing was loud as hell, and the intro was the same as that Timbaland and Drake song, _Say Something_, but when the vocals started some chick was singing. I'd never heard this version, but I could hear through the door that Mama knew every damn word. I was about to go back to my room, since I figured she had her music to keep her company, but then I heard crashing and shit. I put my ear up to the door and it sounded like Jones was in there kicking and knocking stuff down. I probably shoulda left; but when something hard and heavy banged into the door from the other side, I knew whatever Jones was feeling was way too deep for me to ignore. Shit, it sounded like our security deposit was in jeopardy.

So I open the door and found Mama with her back to me, screaming the lyrics to the song; right down to the "ayes" in the background. She was directing all her yells at this big ass blue teddy bear, and from the look on her face you would think the thing had pissed her off. Mama was pointing her fingers and getting all in Teddy's face. Even though she loved that fucking thing…I looked over at her computer and noted the fact that Mama hadn't been making a breakup playlist on iTunes; she'd been on YouTube instead. And the video for this song featured a girl in a black top and red pants standing in the street. Her voice wasn't as good as Mama's, but I wondered about her so I looked back at Jones to ask who the fuck the chick was. I stopped my self from forming the question, though, because Mama had turned around to face me; still singing her ass off. She was adding trills and runs that I'm pretty sure the woman in the video couldn't do if somebody paid her to; Mama managed to sound amazing, even with tear-streaked cheeks and a pissed off expression. Jones' eyes were closed, and she was bumping her whole body to the beat and shaking her head so hard that I felt some kinda way about interrupting her. Then a female rapper did the last part of the chorus and I faced the screen again to see a cute girl there sporting a braided, multicolored Mohawk, tattoos, and flashy clothes.

When Mercedes started rapping the second chick's part word for word I just flopped on her bed to catch the rest of the show. By that time I'd decided that if Mama crossed over from mad to sad she'd probably want me there to cushion the blow; plus, it was real cute watching her rap. Mama knew all of the song, and showed out making hand gestures in the bear's general direction. It was almost like she thought Sam was standing right in front of her listening, as she explained all the different varieties of fucked-up their breakup was. She danced too, and it actually got kinda stripper-fied with all the booty-hopping and Ciara-style body rolling going on. Eventually the singing chick started doing the hook again and I watched the both of 'em gyrate around. Then the song ended and we both waited quietly for the next one to start.

The next five or six videos that played after _Say Something _were all like that; fast and mad. I think they all helped Mama release pent up energy…since she danced her way thru all of 'em. The second song Mercedes sang was by Beyonce; seemed to me like the shit was about setting fire to some dude and possibly the dude's new lady. That motherfucker was scary as fuck; had me looking around to make sure Mama didn't have any damn candles or lighters to work with. She didn't even notice me snooping, though, because she was too busy tossing her weave around and stomping her feet with this freaky ass look in her eyes. I guess Jones was channeling her inner Sasha Fierce. Then that lady who sings _Bust Your Windows_ came up next, but it was a different song about going the fuck off. Bitch was counting to ten and strapping bombs to motherfuckers for making her mad. Mercedes mostly just clenched her fists and sang loud as fuck through this one, but she made sure to do the countdown with 'ole girl on her fingers while she yelled that shit out.

Even though seeing Mama act out and hearing her sing this stuff made me wanna put her ass in a straitjacket, this group of songs _did_ reassure me of one thing. I knew from the lyrics that Mama wasn't being literal in her song selections, and that she probably wasn't looking to kill anybody in real life. Most of them were about cheating; and I knew Mama never felt cheated on with Sam. For the most part, she'd probably chosen all them because they were fast and shit; she was more than likely just using the music to get out all her frustration.

The next few songs weren't as fast, so Mama didn't dance as much when they played. Instead, she came over to where I was and stood over me singing. I guess I was a handy focal point or whatever. So while JoJo was staring out windows and whining about a dude doing _Too Little, Too Late, _Mercedes was kicking the song's ass right in my direction. And I was cool with that; it seemed to help. But I ain't gonna lie, when she sang that line about "…a player like you…" Mama opened her eyes and pointed right at me, and I felt like dog shit. But the next one wasn't so bad. It was EnVogue and in the video all the chicks were whining about a girl needing to let some dude go. It was fairly tame; Jones walked over to the window while that one was playing and sang her heart out. She may have even been crying a little, but I couldn't really tell. I never found out though, since that Keyshia Cole song, _Shoulda Let You Go_ came on next and Mama got all hype again. She clapped, danced a little, and did another rap. I just watched while the concert went on and let the music do its work. By the time _Free Yourself _by Fantasia played Mercedes had pretty much committed to standing in one spot and belting her heart out.

Those last few songs on the playlist though? They were the saddest, most mournful, and most depressing-ass videos I'd ever sat through. Mama started by singing _Stranger In My House_, and I couldn't even look at all the pain on her face. I just concentrated on Tamia's fine ass wallowing around in dirt instead. Mercedes killed the song…totally fucked it up the ass with no lube; but the shit broke my heart into kibbles and bits. Then Mercedes finally came over, sat down, and let me wrap my arms around her for comfort. The concert didn't stop, but she was crooning in my ear as opposed to shrieking from across the room. Under the circumstances I figured it was a big improvement. She sang a little Winehouse, some old Bee Gee's song that Destiny's Child remade, and a couple things I'd never heard before but made me wanna poke my eyes out. By the time Mama wailed on this old tune by Jewel, I was spent and could tell Mama was worn out, too. She basically melted into bed with me so we could finally talk.

"Say something, Mama…" I urged.

Mama sighed. "You know, Puck…I've a lot done to change my life since my lonely days in high school; I've had back-to-back steady relationships, I led the TroubleTones at competitions all year long, I got a record deal, and moved out here to California. And I really thought that my time as a depressed-all-the-time loser was over. I just can't believe that after all of that, I'm _still _the 'odd-sistah-out. This is gonna annoy the dog-shit out of me," was the first thing to come outta her mouth.

I guessed that being single, which wasn't that big a deal for me and the other guys in our posse, was a sore spot for 'Cedes. But despite the fact that I didn't understand it, I tried to sympathize anyway.

"Mama, I'm not gonna be a douche and tell you to quit feeling sorry for yourself, because that's not what you need right now," I started. "But I _am_ gonna tell you that your ass is way off base…all those changes you made in your life? That shit is still relevant right now. Breaking up with Evans and being single doesn't change that shit…"

She cuddled closer into me and I squeezed her a little tighter. "Puck, I don't expect you to understand this, but back in high school I was always on the sidelines. I watched everybody elses' relationship drama unfold, feeling equal parts horrified and jealous over that mess. For awhile I had Kurt with me doing the same thing, but eventually even he found a Boo, too. And then it was just me, all by myself..." I was just glad that shit hadn't made it on the playlist, too.

"Go on…" I prompted.

"And it hurt!" Mama exclaimed. _"I_ wanted somebody to kiss in the hallways and hold hands with in class and sing serenades to."

I remembered her saying some shit like that back right before our fake 'ship started, so I nodded.

"…But I thought senior year changed all that, man. I had Shane around, worshipping my dirty drawers…"

I shot her a nasty look. She probably thought I was reacting to the TMI, but really I was slightly pissed thinking about Tinsley sniffing around Mama and even thinking about her undies.

"…then I had Sam around itching to get back with me. After we finally made it official again, we had the most fun and romantic summer ever. I don't know…I guess I assumed that taking all those weeks after breaking up with Shane to be alone and think over all the cheating and shit, that I wouldn't have to feel like this for awhile."

I understood what she was saying, so I thought about what I could offer by way of consolation before even trying to speak.

"Mama?"

"Hmn?" She peered into my eyes with through a fresh wave of salty tears.

"I understand what you're going on about…believe me, being lonely is some shit most of us have to battle at some point in our lives." I wanted her to know I felt her pain. "And even though my brand of loneliness ain't have shit to do with not having a girlfriend, I get you. It sucks to feel like all your best conversations happen inside your own damn head, and see everybody around you having a blast while you wonder why they didn't think to invite your ass along."

Mama looked surprised that I'd understand something like that, but she didn't even ask me for the specifics…And I was glad, too. I wasn't ready to share that shit.

"But you've lost your perspective…" I continued. "…and I'd be a bad friend if I let you get comfortable on the pity train."

I straightened up against the bed's headboard and let Mama get comfortable in the new position before starting going any further.

"First of all, most of the same Glee guys who were always Boo'ed up in high school are single now, and _have _been all year long. Finn, Mike, and Evans…dudes who barely went a month at a time at McKinley without a girl around to chase, are broken up with their women and have to learn how to do shit alone now. And I know it's different for a girl to feel like the only single person around versus a dude. But if you put yourself in their shoes for a minute you'll see the shit is probably a major adjustment for all of 'em…bigger than for you since you have experience being alone."

Mama shrugged.

"You already know how to entertain yourself with platonic friends…" I cringed on the inside because shit if I wanted to be one of them, myself. "…and do shit by yourself. You're not gonna have to adjust any more than finding something to fill all the time you would have otherwise spent talking to Evans on the phone…Oh! And avoiding his ass in Lima. You got this…"

"You're not wrong," she admitted, reluctantly. "There _are_ a bunch of cool people at my job that keep inviting me places, but I always turn them down so I can Skype with Sam or whatever.'

"See?" I asked. "And as for being the only single sista out of our clique, that's a bunch of bull-shittery. Rachel, Santana, Tina, and Unique are all on their own. Some of them for the first time in years…Don't you think for a second that your girls aren't going through the same shit as you are right now. The next time you see everybody, I bet one or more of you throws a huge-ass sleepover. Just so you can enjoy girl time and shoot the breeze. You just have to remember that when the breakup makes you feel all sad and shit. Silver linings or whatever."

"That's true too, Puck…" Mama stretched out to kiss me on the cheek. "And I know you're right, but do you mind if I wallow for at least for the rest of the day?" I was happy to hear the snippiness in her voice, so I pretended to think about it before I responded.

"I guess so," I hemmed and hawed. "But only if you agree to let me wallow with you."

"Huh?"

"I'm serious…it's not good for you to be alone, and I wanna help. You can sing again, cry, and throw shit all you want. But you're gonna do it with me in the room. Don't even lie and say you wouldn't like the company."

Mama almost grinned.

"So let me go crank up the AC, since this is LA and hot as fuck. I know your ass is gonna wanna get under the covers and cuddle and shit…" I was giddy as hell when she nodded. "…and I'm not trying to be all sweaty and funky while you grieve. I'll bring in some snack food, and we won't even eat any real meals today. We'll show our asses cause we're grown and can do what he fuck we want."

When I said that, 'Cedes actually chuckled.

"We gotta eat the ice cream and tots first, though…" I said, mentally planning the menu. "…so that shit stays the right temperature."

Mercedes straightened up and clapped for a second before burrowing into my chest again.

"We'll rent a couple of movies on Netflix too; something funny and possibly a little violent with a hellified soundtrack so you can sing some more if you feel like it…"

"Like what?" Mama looked skeptical, I guess because she hadn't realized yet how much I paid attention to her movie habits and guilty pleasures.

"I don't know…" I pretended not to already have a few suggestions up my sleeve. "Maybe one of Master P's old movies. _I Got The Hookup_ or _I'm Bout It_. You got big brothers and they're Black, so I know you've seen the shit a million times…" A little info I picked up hanging around Jake. "Which means if you zone out or start boo-hooing again, you can pick the plot back up afterwards with no problem." I gazed at Mama. "That sound okay?"

She let out a chuckle and a cute little snort. "That sounds perfect, Noah…"

"Good," I was a little out of breath because Jones had placed one of her hands on my chest after saying my government name. "So by the time tomorrow gets here you'll have some good memories to put on top of the bullshit."

"Okay…" Mama pretended to be reluctant to let me get up, but I eventually managed to wrangle free of all our tangled limbs. Right when I stood up to go turn on the oven and assemble all our shit, she grabbed my hand and said, "Thanks, Puckerman."

I just smiled and answered, "Anytime, Mama."

I cooked, she showered all of Evans' slobber off her body, and we lay back down together to hang. In the end I held Jones in my arms and comforted her for the rest of the day, then sat up talking with her ass all night long. She thanked me over and over again, but I swear it was probably my most fond memory of my time in LA at that point. She shouldn't have been thanking me, my girl should have been charging my ass! And I honestly believe the shit helped her over the worst of her funk, so I didn't even feel guilty for getting my jollies. Bright and early the next day, Mama and I woke up and started a new routine that was equal parts me comforting her, and her keeping me company. And I gotta say, I was caught between blissfully happy and wanting to slit my own damn wrists every day for the next two and a half months.

* * *

**Consolation…**

I know you probably think I jumped right in on Mama after the breakup, or tried to console my way right into her panties. But I didn't. Because Jones might have rallied all her emotions enough to let Sam have a piece of her mind that day, but my girl was really sad and lonely after the split. And I couldn't take advantage of that. I'd come too far for that kinda shit, anyway. That summer before Senior year was the first time in my life I ever really felt alone. And it was when I learned that it didn't take much to pull somebody outta feeling all shitty. All it took to turn me around was the company of somebody who made you feel good and seemed to give a fuck. So I really tried hard to be that somebody for 'Cedes. Remember when I said all that stuff about Mercedes and her family working hard to take care of me after I lost Beth? And how it taught me how important that kinda thing is to a person who's feeling some major-league hurt? Remember how I tried real hard to apply that shit to my life…looking after Michelle, trying to watch out for Quinn, being a big bro to Jake, and saving up for Beth's future? Well, 'Cedes was my family now, too. And I was responsible for making her feel better. That's why I took care of Mama instead of pushing up on her.

We got into a routine right then; one that kept Jones from feeling too sad and gave me a way to pay her back for all the shit she'd ever done for me. Every morning, I woke up at 5am, put on the coffee, and ran down the street for bagels and shit. By the time I got back, 'Cedes would be up and dressed in sweats on the way to the kitchen for breakfast. I'd lean against the fridge door, since I knew Mama needed to get the milk for her coffee, and tap my cheek so she'd gimme my daily peck. Call me a troll if you want to, but if Jones wanted to cross the bridge to caffeine-land she was gonna have to pay my toll. Then the two of us would eat our lox and shmere and drink juice and coffee before we went on our jog. 'Cedes told me that day she sang all those songs that she had zero intention of eating tots and ice cream every time she thought about the breakup; so I suggested that we start running and shit together so she could sweat the hurt away.

After we circled the block eight or nine times, Mama and I would go shower and dress for her studio. She never spent more than 3 or 4 hours there at a time, and nobody gave fuck about me watching her record and rehearse, as long as I kept my trap shut. Then I'd go clean pools while she did her coursework online. Afterward, Mama and me would hit the gym. I had my guns to work on and a whole weight regimen to maintain, and Jones used the treadmill and stationary equipment because Jones said she'd need leg muscles like Tina Turner whenever she made it big and started dancing across stages for a living. I dug the company, so sometimes we did elliptical work together or took a hot yoga or Booty Camp class together, too. The workouts were a good way for us to laugh and joke together outside the condo.

Jones never really dropped a bunch of weight, to be honest. But her body changed a lot. Instead of on-the-chunky-side thighs, they were getting muscular. Her calves looked fucking chiseled, and she lost most of her cellulite. Mama's arms went from jiggly to hard, but still girly. And her tits and ass both got higher…According to Jones, she hadn't really lost any ass-meat other than the "ham hock" part right on top of the back of her thighs...but either way, her pants got looser. And her face changed too. I never realized how high Mama's cheekbones were, or how big her eyes actually were before then. The biggest change was in her tummy; the spare tire was all the way gone. I had always put Mama's body into the category of "more there to love," 'cause I totally dug on her brand of big-boned sexy. But even after she lost weight I didn't have any complaints…the fact is that a smaller belly made her tatas look bigger; and who in the hell complains about that shit?

Mama branched out socially around that time too. She had all these friends now from her record label that all of a sudden became a big part of her life. They were other backup singers at her job, and I guess I should point out that they were Black. Mama's homies were cool folks; a little bit intense when the got to talking about issues like White privilege and colorism… But they were good for 'Cedes. It was the first time I'd ever seen my girl with a crew of actual Black people, and I have to say they helped her in a lot of ways I couldn't. One thing her friends did was convince Mama to start showing her real hair. She let it slip one time we were all out having dinner that she'd been wanting to let the fake shit go since the _Born This Way_ assignment Junior year; but she'd been scared to because she'd just started dating Sam. Something about him being so very, very White. Then when she'd dated Shane he made it clear that he hated "ethnic" dos. Plus she had this notion that Schuester would have a problem with her not being uniform with the rest of the girls in New Directions. Mama's real hair is fucking beautiful, just like the first time I ever saw her in Glee Club. It's long as hell, way longer than Britt and Quinn's hair. And full of all these wild ass curls and coils and waves that cascade down her back. It comes down past her shoulder blades on the sides and reaches for heaven on top and in the front. Her whole damn mane is soft as fuck and gorgeous, and I swear if she'd let me I would sleep under it instead of covers at night. Since the hair is all hers, Mama's cool with me touching it now, so if we're sitting around and my head's not in her lap, hers is in mine and I curl it around my fingers so long some nights she falls asleep right there.

The only time I saw her wear her hair straightened during out two month consolation period was when she made a video for Blaine to show Sam when his ass was going off the rails about being more attractive than he was smart, and when we all went to Lima for Mr. Schue's wedding-that-never-was. Mama wore a long curly wig, sang some opera song that fucked up every bitch in Glee that ever thought she could outsing my Baby (because by that time I was pretty much calling her "baby" and "boo" in my head alternately 24/7), then caught the fuck out before the reception. She waited at her parents' house for me, then we got on a plane back to LA the same night.

But back to how I tried to help Mama after her breakup by being with her all the time. After we eat dinner together and watch TV most nights she and I would say goodnight and go to bed. There was a part of me that thought all the domesticated shit was lame as fuck, but it helped Jones get over things faster. I know this because she told me so, and I was happy to be there for her. I wanted to. I guess she and I could have just kept our friendship simple that way, for a long time after that. But then things started changing and it was making me crazy.

* * *

**What To Do, What To Do…**

From Mercedes' point of view, the way our relationship evolved probably felt gradual as hell, or natural or something. She more than likely just figured that shit was switching direction between us because we were so much closer, and to be honest, nothing probably felt all that different to her to begin with. But to me the shit was like a fucking slap to the face. Like, WHAM! One day I was spending all my time hanging out with my best friend, and the next we were a married ass old couple.

Take for instance our daily routine. All of a sudden, instead of getting woke up by a phone alarm, I had 'Cedes shaking me awake. Because at some point we'd started sharing a bed most nights. I'd go into my bathroom to brush my teeth, and my girl would already have put toothpaste spread out on my brush for me. I'd go get breakfast and she'd clean up, so by the time I got back from the deli, both our beds would be made and from time to time, a load of my laundry would be going from where Jones picked the shit up off my floor.

And my morning refrigerator kiss? Got even fucking better. It was still just a buss to the cheek or forehead, that didn't change. But it was deeper too…instead of craning her neck and pecking me from a foot away, Mama all of a sudden was coming in closer, invading more of my personal space. She'd step right in between my spread legs, place her left hand on my chest and press up against me for a second close enough for me to feel her warm breath and smell her toothpaste. Then the kiss would be softer, less pucker up style. Sometimes it felt almost like Jones was planting a smile on my face, and other times she'd place the shit so close to my lips that our noses brushed together. Then she'd linger and smile at me until I moved my ass outta the way.

We started holding hands in the car going to the studio, and she sat in my lap sometimes waiting for her turn to sing. When we ate lunch or dinner together in restaurants my girl would always sit right beside me instead of across the booth; plus, one or the other always paid…we quit going Dutch completely. Then like I said, when we got home the two of us would crash in the same bed. We even cuddled.

I was watching myself during that time, hardcore. I made sure not to grope Mercedes accidentally or let her get caught up against my morning wood. But Jones wasn't even trying to keep shit clean. And it was fucking me up.

'Cedes was all the time telling dirty ass jokes in bed and sleeping without a bra, plus she was real good for throwing one of them thick thighs over mine whenever I slept on my back. And she sleeps like a log, so if I woke up in the middle of the night to pee and wanted to move it I ain't have any choice but to use my hands and try not to grope her. Because shaking never worked. She'd take off her pants in front of me, and show me her naked ass legs in these tiny little panties; just so I could give my opinion on her leg muscles, and one time the chick even begged me to cup her tits so I could tell her if one was bigger than the other one. I just ran the fuck outta there like I was on fire.

At some point Mama had gotten so comfortable around me that she'd started coming into the john while I peed, talking to me while my dick was on display. And had no shame at all about screaming for me to bring her a washcloth from the linen closet while she sat in the tub butt ass bare. All of this shit was driving me crazy, so I'd made up my mind to ask her out. It was obvious my feelings weren't going away, and she seemed ready to have a dude in her life…Shit, the mourning period had lasted for two and a half months! I wasn't trying to get stuck in the friend zone with Artie and Finn, and I didn't want another dude showing up and sweeping my girl off her feet either. So I decided to man up. If things got awkward, I knew I'd miss the closeness, but after weighing the pros and cons, I figured one fucked up conversation was worth it if shit panned out like I wanted it to. So I promised myself I'd handle it all around the Easter holiday. Mercedes and I were planning on going to Lima together, and to me it made a lot of sense. I just hoped I wouldn't regret my decision.

* * *

**A/N: These are the songs I envisioned Mercedes using as pain relief after the big breakup. If someone you love has recently pissed you off or you're going thru a breakup, they might help you the same way they helped her. I can't provide a Puck to help comfort you; so honestly, this is the best I could do ; ).**

**List One: **_**Breakup Thugging**_**-The Fuck You Mix**

_**Say Something **_**by Rasheeda and Nivea**

_**Ring The Alarm **_**by Beyonce**

_**10 Seconds **_**by Jazmine Sullivan**

_**Breaking Point **_**by Keri Hilson**

_**Caught Out There **_**by Kelis**

**List Two: **_**It Is What It Is**_**-The Slightly Less Pissed Off Mix**

_**Too Little, Too Late **_**by JoJo**

_**Give It Up, Turn It Loose **_**by EnVogue**

_**Shoulda Let You Go **_**by Keyshia Cole**

_**As If **_**by Blacque**

_**Free Yourself **_**by Fantasia**

_**Up Out My Face **_**by Mariah Carey and Nicki Minaj **

**List Three: **_**Feeling The Pain**_**-The Melancholy Mix**

_**Stranger In My House **_**by Tamia **

_**Love Is A Losing Game **_**by Amy Winehouse**

_**Emotions**_** by Destiny's Child**

_**Get It Together **_**by 702**

_**Me, Myself, and I **_**by Beyonce**

_**Foolish Games **_**by Jewel**

**Also, I neglected to include a lot of the S4 fuckery that happened during this time frame. I made up headcanons for it, but the shit didn't make the final cut. Here are some highlights:**

**Obviously, in my version of events, Puck never moved back to Lima. He went over Christmas holidays, of course. And he**_** did**_** bring Jake back to LA with him for a few days. But he never actually moved back home to write his screenplay. If Sam and Mercedes had asked him to, then it'd be Kaynon (see how I turned the word canon into Kaynon to represent those things that happened on-screen, which also happen to mesh with the trappings of my own twisted imagination?), but *relieved sigh* the breakup happened instead. **

**The fake Bram wedding was just a nightmare Mercedes had one night.**

**Also, right after Puck would have moved back to Lima on the show, he took Kitty –AKA the Devil in a ponytail- to the Sadie Hawkins Dance and fucked her silly in a car somewhere. And I ain't even here for that shit at all. In my brain, he **_**did**_** go back to Lima for a weekend visit. Mercedes stayed her ass in LA because she knew Sam would be there with Britt. And he **_**did**_** give Jake the wonderful advice to stay the hell away from the racist little Cheeri-ho. Even took one for the team and escorted the little bimbo to the Dance so as to keep the bitch away from his bro. But that roadside romp never took place…she offered, he pretended to take her up on it, then laughed his ass off at her naked itty bitty titties when she got buck nekkid in the back seat. Then Puck proceeded to pull out his camera phone, take pictures, then threaten to send that shit to JBI if she didn't leave Jake alone. The Quinn-bot, always wary of any threat to her reputation, put her shit back on and went home to pray.**

**All of Sam's body image man-orxia storyline was a direct reaction to both doing poorly on his SATs, and the breakup with Mercedes. She made sure to submit a video for the thing Blaine made for Sam, but she did it as a friend, not an ex.**

**Any questions? Comments? Criticisms? Let me know something…**


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